Just a rant

[lazysasha]

Hi all,

It's probably lockdown fever but I've had enough of my partner.

Bit of background, I was frustrated by my job for years so found another role, which is local, pays more and I don't have to travel 3 hours every day, but I started as we went into first lockdown. It's been a tad stressful.

Now, we're homeschooling again, working full-time and doing what every other parent is doing.

My partner has always had very strong opinions, we disagree over many things but seem to make it work. Today, it hit a bit of a wall.

I mentioned that I didn't know that nitty gritty was a contentious phrase now and that I could see why people thought it was. He went nuts, accused me of looking on Google for 5 mins and being an expert, laughed at me, told me that I'd swallowed it all hook, line and sinker and just started verbally attacking me. Obviously, I explained that I was making a comment not an opinion but he just waded in.

The thing is that he does it all the time. He's torn me a part in front of my kids so many times, yet accuses me of turning them against him.

I'm approaching menopause, the weight gain is horrendous, everything hurts and I feel like my moods move up and down for no reason. My tolerance is low and I don't want to be the fucking peacemaker all the time!

To be honest, he's turning into his parents, who I have nothing to do with now (I tried for 20 years but the stress finally broke me in 2019). He looks more and more like his dad and acts like his mum. It's a toxic mix that I've tried to move on from as in so many other ways he's not like them, but I'm struggling.

I honestly don't see us spending our golden years together as we disagree on everything!

Thanks for the rant 😊

Wow I can relate to a few things in that post.
You need to look at what you are getting out of this relationship. Do you want to stay with him?

He went nuts, accused me of looking on Google for 5 mins and being an expert, laughed at me, told me that I'd swallowed it all hook, line and sinker and just started verbally attacking me.

Would someone who authentically loves you behave this way? No.

Was he effectively bullying you? Yes.

Not a decent, loving partner.

First of all, talk to your doctor about HRT for your Peri-menopause. There's no need to suffer like you are. Secondly, start doing a lot of thinking about your future and what you want it to be. Your marriage is a misery. It really shouldn't be this way.

I think the low tolerance of menopause can actually a gift to those of us who have had far too high a tolerance for others' shit behaviour. Looking towards empty nests and retirement in 20 years time without the distractions of dc and work, it triggers us to reassess our lives. Can we continue to tolerate shit behaviour from someone we with will be with 24/7?

It's not that our low tolerance is suddenly an issue, but that we had such high tolerance before. We pushed down the problems and covered them up with distractions and sense of duty, becoming the peacemakers by denying ourselves and our needs and wants. I think our bodies start to tell us enough is enough, stop putting up with this shit!

See the doctor about the other symptoms, but embrace your low tolerance! Is this what you want for the rest of your life? Reassess. Do you want this crap going forward?

He sounds like a bully x

Ranting is but a short term measure. Start thinking instead.

What do you get out of this relationship now?.

Why are you and he still together at all?. What sort of a relationship example are you showing these children here? Is this really what they should be seeing here, no it is not. Do you want them to grow up thinking that yes this is how men and women treat each other?.

I had to look up the phrase. i had no idea.

He has no respect for you OP. He is projecting his faults on to you.

See your GP about the menopause/peri symptoms.

You deserve better than this. #

Bin him.

Hi OP, just wanted to say I was exactly where you were a few years ago. As others have advised, see your GP about some HRT, you shouldn't have to suffer. As your physical health improves, you will feel stronger mentally too. Get rid of him, seriously. I'm a few years on from my divorce and looking back I'm sad about the time I wasted on him, and always tried to do or say or be the 'right' thing. But there is no 'right' thing you can do for people like your partner; they will just shift the goal posts.
Think about how you want your future to look. You're important. You matter. You deserve better. Some really good advice on this thread.

Thanks for all the advice and I am considering what to do next.

Like everyone, I'm struggling with everything at the minute. My work is stressful, I'm not a key worker but I support them. My boss completely broke down today on our big boss, and I don't think that I realised how stressed I was until today.

My partner has been trapped in the house since last March and basically has cabin fever. We're both drinking more, eating more, trying to homeschool the kids while holding down full-time jobs. I have to meet people in person about twice a week, which freaks my partner out as he is quite rightly covid paranoid.

Basically, I need a break and some sun like we all do!