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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Please help - hand hold

18 replies

pinkandrose45 · 23/01/2021 00:13

I am engaged to my partner. In 2019 I found saw on his phone he had accidentally screenshot his phone on a website that was a chat site. When confronted he denied anything untoward and said it was for chatting. I did “forgot password” and it linked to his phone, got to the account and it had nothing interesting. So I let it go but my suspicions remained.

In May 2020 in lockdown, I grew suspicious of his phone behaviour. He was never secretive with it and let me look. Thanks to a new iOS it showed what he had been on - the website. I couldn’t figure out his account as the point of the chat site is anonymity - no real names etc. Eventually he came clean, told me it all, gave me the account, I read it, wasn’t nice and I decided, if he didn’t go on it again and if he made an effort, we can try to figure it out.

Since then he has. He’s let me do everything, I see his phone constantly, he’s careful to tell me things. I thought that any issues were mine to work through.

Disclaimer: I carried an extreme amount of baggage into the relationship and the reason I thought I’d give him a chance is because of that.

Now: I just got a weird feeling / panic. I have since May had access to his account. Nothing has happened much. One woman messaged him asking how he was (around June 2020) and how I was (she knew all) and responded a bit (I pretended to be him to see if she’d reveal any details) but then just dropped off the face of the Earth. At the time I wondered if maybe he had got in touch with her to tell her I had his account / don’t respond.
So now, I did a “forgot password” using his email. I did this ages back, he’d used a fake email address so it had always said “no user found”. But this time it said it had been sent. I went on his emails and it had a password reset link. I went into his account but nothing there. The website gives you points based on how much you speak, he had 0 points (I don’t know what that truly means though and if you can delete this evidence)

I asked him, he got so angry, has gone to spare room, has said he’s been so transparent since May and has been honest and done everything I’ve asked but is “done”. It is pretty much how he behaved when I found out, but a few minutes later he did tell the truth.

Now the reason I’m not sure what it means is that I messed around with accounts and his email a lot - it’s not entirely impossible that I created this account when investigating. I’m pretty certain I didn’t though, the username is not one I’d come up with.

I don’t know what to do or what it means. I want to get to the bottom of it but can’t unless he comes clean - if he has lied.

OP posts:
category12 · 23/01/2021 00:21

I don't think you should get married.

You don't trust him because he's shown himself to be untrustworthy previously, and when there's no trust and you're policing and checking up on him, it's so unhealthy for your own mental health as well as what wreckage of a relationship it is.

Call it quits. Then deal with your "extreme" baggage before going into any other relationship.

seensome · 23/01/2021 02:11

What was the chat site called? he said it was just for chatting? Seems like BS
The relationship is causing you a lot of stress, you don't really want this for a lifetime of marriage surely.

Amdone123 · 23/01/2021 02:59

Seems like a lot of hard work to me. You don't trust him. End it. Work on yourself before getting into another relationship.
If you dont walk away, this is the rest of your life.

BlueThistles · 23/01/2021 03:02

Oooft ... it really shouldn't be this hard... pre Wedding 😳

youvegottenminuteslynn · 23/01/2021 03:20

Eventually he came clean, told me it all, gave me the account, I read it, wasn’t nice and I decided, if he didn’t go on it again and if he made an effort, we can try to figure it out.

So fabswingers or Ashley Madison?

Whatever site he was on, it was one where he was getting off on the thought of cheating on you / fucking someone else.

Why would you want to marry someone like that?

pinkandrose45 · 23/01/2021 09:11

No the site isn’t common. It’s a genuine chat site mainly used for people 18-25 and mainly not Uk (we are in). People talk about gaming, politics etc, as well as sexting stuff but the site doesn’t allow you to ever share personal stuff as it’s against the point, no pictures etc. So identity remains hidden

OP posts:
pinkandrose45 · 23/01/2021 09:14

Because the site was so pathetic and silly, I just didn’t find it real life. It wasn’t like finding him on Tinder or Fab etc, it’s so immature I almost felt sorry for him. He went to therapy and came clean and I did really think he’d changed.

However finding this account, albeit empty, has thrown me. It’s definitely his tho isn’t it? He’s just lying right?

It doesn’t make sense though that’s the problem. I use his email like my own, that’s why he didn’t set it up to that email in the first place and used a fake one, so why now would you?! And not to speak?

OP posts:
Teedeepie · 23/01/2021 11:07

Sorry OP I agree with others that a relationship really shouldn’t be this hard. You know you will never get to the truth and even if he was being truthful the doubts will still eat away at you.

Are you happy to monitor his movements for the rest of your life as this is where it is heading.

Have you had counselling to deal with the baggage you speak of. That would be my first point of call before even contemplating marriage.

Itstimetoquit · 23/01/2021 13:14

You obviously don't trust him so why would you stay with him ?

litterbird · 23/01/2021 13:21

Take marriage off the table for now. Deal with your own issues and step back for a while and really look at the relationship you have with him and hopefully realise this isn't what it is supposed to be pre marriage.

pinkandrose45 · 23/01/2021 16:20

I went to therapy, I’ve just finished. It helped enormously. I have ocd. I was starting to trust but now I’ve found this, in itself it’s nothing but the fact he isn’t telling the truth is the issue
But then what if it is the truth?

OP posts:
tatutata · 23/01/2021 16:24

I don't really understand the issue, I don't see why he can't chat, but since you feel it's an issue, you should probably take a break and think things through.

mrstasty · 23/01/2021 16:28

I'm lost. What's he actually done?

Is it any different to chatting on here or on Reddit or something?

pinkandrose45 · 23/01/2021 23:48

Chatting to women / sexting but no pics or identifiable info. Bit weird

OP posts:
AlwaysCheddar · 24/01/2021 08:09

Do not marry him! Leave him.

Pebbledashery · 24/01/2021 08:13

You don't trust him and he doesn't trust you.. It will never work. Can you spend the rest of your life like this?

VegemiteIsToasty · 24/01/2021 10:10

Don’t marry him OP. What you are describing is that between you there is lying, lack of trust, victim blaming and generally not showing love and care for your partner. And this is before the harder things that come with time in a relationship, such as kids, work stresses, money stresses, other external pressures.

You do not have a healthy foundation for a relationship, or a marriage. Without a strong foundation it will eventually crumble, and it’s up to you to decide if that will be now, or, if you are scared of change and want to cling on, later when there is more to untangle.

Nandakanda · 24/01/2021 10:18

He should run a mile.

It sounds like you have no concept of boundaries or personal space whatsoever.

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