Need to kick him out but scared

[ButterySmudge]

Long time lurker, first time poster, please be kind.

:deep breath: I recently found out that my partner has been having multiple affairs. We’ve been together 7 years. I’m still in shock and 'frozen' if that makes sense. He doesn't know that I've found out. We’re not married, I’m 37, had been hoping for children soon if possible. I need to summon the courage to tell him it’s over and to start over again, but feel terrified.

The pandemic makes everything harder; I want to kick him out (we cohabit in my flat) but then I’ll be on my own in a one bedroom flat again with no prospect of meeting anyone socially, let alone romantically and so, so lonely.

We’ve agreed to talk about our future this weekend, but I’m scared I’ll bottle it. I just want him to hug me. His job takes him abroad a lot and he’s due to go away for a long time next Friday, so it feels like now or never. Do any of you have any words of wisdom please?

I don't know how you've managed to bottle it up without breaking it to him that you know, you must feeling absolute torment inside. All I'd say is, have you got solid proof to present to him? So he can't squirm his way out of it, even so you know what you know, please do end it with him, you'll be grateful that you didn't have children with him.

Keep posting if you need to, I'm sure others will be along to support you also.

OP,
Get him out before he heads off on his trip.
Where he goes is not your problem.

Do not allow him to leave on the trip on HIS terms.
Do not spend his time away, with his stuff in YOUR flat, waiting for him to return.
This will only delay your healing.

Get the cheating twat out.
Don't allow him take up your space.

Be strong.
Don't be used any more.

What to do when ex husband stops paying maintenance?

I just want him to hug me

Why exactly would you want that?

If you have children with this man you'll regret it for the rest of your life.

Hi, I know it will be painful but get rid as soon as. Who wants a cheat in their life and definitely don't have a child with him. You will be tied to the bastard for life x you sound a lovely person and don't deserve to be treated like shit x

Next time he leaves for work, get a locksmith to change the locks. Put his stuff outside with a note. No need to chat about it as he most likely will lie or blame you for his behaviour. You're scared to talk but think about it, he isn't feeling guilty for using and cheating on you. Put your emotions aside, get rid. Lockdown will lift soon and you can meet whoever you want x

Be brave now, don't stay with someone who cheats on you.

I'd rather be lonely alone, than be lonely in a relationship..................

You are in this relationship alone, he does not love and respect you, he's using you, and you deserve so much more..................

Listen to the other posters telling you to pack up his shit and send him off to work knowing it's all over.

It's only then that you can begin to draw a line under this shitty relationship and begin to move forwards with your life.

He never loved you, he just used you to have a comfortable place to live and sex on tap when his extracurricular activities were slow ffs !

He's happily risked you getting Chlamydia, Aids, Hep B, Hep C, Covid, and a multitude of STD's.

He doesn't want to marry you.
He doesn't want to have kids with you.
He doesn't respect you.
He doesn't love you.

You must throw him out on his ear now, or risk living your life wishing for things that will never happen........................

Be brave and be honest,keep posting you will get lots of support x

Thank you so much for the replies, it means so much to think that kind strangers have my back.

Seensome, yes, I have undeniable proof. I know now who he really is and it can’t go on, I know I deserve better.

It’s just hard to summon the strength whilst I’m grieving the man he was, who I loved so much, and the future I hoped to have with him. But I will try.

Sooner the better OP, good luck. You'll be healing before you know it, as it's the right thing to do. I agree it's sad though. But such is life.... there are future highs to look forward to!!

While he is gone, put his stuff round to his parents (or pay for 1 month storage) then text him to say you know he is a cheating rat and its over.

You don't owe someone like that a sit down chat about your future. And it wont do you any good to listen to his lies and bullshit.

The pandemic is nearly over and tbh, being alone usually shouldnt mean lonely anyway. Not if you enjoy your own company. It can be hard right after a break up but you'll get there.

how you doing OP 🌺

When you want him to 'hug' you, think of all the other women he's 'hugged'.

I agree with the others, wait till he's gone then change the locks.

Handhold I’m so sorry