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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Friend Moving

5 replies

User467587659 · 22/01/2021 16:49

I found out a couple of weeks ago that my friend is planning to move.

It will mean another 40 mins car drive (friend lives fairly close by).

I keep telling myself that once I'm in the car, all I need to do is keep driving but this has really affected me psychologically.

I have experienced a lot of loss/bereavement and don't have a lot of friends. We do message quite often but it is the whole prospect of her moving farther away that has shaken me.

Two friends moved last year ( about a 25 min drive in different directions). I'm not having much luck am I? I guess I feel lonely a lot. I need to do more activities and get out and meet more people and then I might not be so reliant on the few friends I have (obviously when covid eases). Ds will shortly start pre-school (again when covid eases).

Can anyone relate? I know people are likely to say it's only a shortish drive but psychologically it affects me because of my background etc.

OP posts:

mrstasty · 22/01/2021 16:54

All of my friends live at least 30 mins drive away. It's not a huge issue really is it?

Teaseller · 22/01/2021 16:59

Is it the driving that bothers you? Do you feel scared to drive long distances?

My family live on another continent, my best friends mostly live in different countries to me, and the closest friends I have are at minimum a 40 mins journey away (London is too big!).

We all communicate nearly daily on WhatsApp, can you do that with your friends? There's really no need to be a short walk away from people in the modern world.

Robbybobtail · 22/01/2021 17:00

Yes, totally relate except I was the one that moved away (about 30 mins) from my friends (years ago now) and it was scary at the time - it seemed like a million miles away! It definitely affected how often I see them because it takes more planning to get together rather than just popping by one another’s houses. I do sometimes miss being closer to them but I wouldn’t change it because we have a much better life here than in the area I previously lived in.
Is part of the upset that you feel your friends are moving on and you are stuck? Maybe make a plan (post COVID) to meet once a month for a meal or something, that’s what myself and my friends do in normal times.

Original poster

User467587659 · 22/01/2021 17:14

Is part of the upset that you feel your friends are moving on and you are stuck?

Yes, this could be part of it. There are aspects of my life that aren't going too well right now and longer term, I might even move. Also, I have been at home with my dcs for a while now. I need to make some changes in terms of getting out a bit more and I am anxious about it all (the prospect of having to make changes).

It's definitely different to having someone live close by. You have to arrange it a bit more. I guess I'm worried that friend is going to move psychologically farther away too. It's all fuelled by having sustained so much loss over recent years.

I'm not a great fan of driving. I'll do it but it does cause me some anxiety, so this is another aspect.

OP posts:

Robbybobtail · 22/01/2021 17:25

Well, it’s perfectly normal to be a bit upset so don’t beat yourself up about it. From what you are saying you are a single parent too so you must have it hard at the mo - I feel so much for people in your situation atm, you need adult company too.
I would say make firm plans to meet (hopefully this will be spring) so you have something to look forward to. FaceTime & WhatsApp in the meantime. It’ll feel doubly hard atm because of the situation were in but come the warmer weather and things hopefully getting more back to normal (cafes etc opening) it won’t feel so dismal. This weather is seriously depressing too (assuming you are in the uk). Also you say your ds is at pre-school - are there any opportunities to make friends there? My dc’s preschool was held in a church and we used to stay behind for coffee one day a week. Could you organise something like that if it doesn’t already exist?

And as for the driving, unfortunately that is something you just have to get over - mind over matter. I put off driving on the motorway for about 2 years after I passed my test but then I changed job and HAD to do it and after making the journey a few times I was fine.

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