I feel like something has to give but what

[sadtiredotter]

I've NC because I don't want this to link to posts on baby threads but am a longtime member.

I feel hopeless, exhausted and lonely. I'm on mat leave with a beautiful but full on 3 month old (4 month leap; yay). I love him so much but I'm struggling and think I'm heading into PND. Usually I would see friends but nope, thanks lockdown, or get out for long walks but baby kicks off at the moment in his pram and carrier. I get out for a run when I can but that's it. Ihave no motivation, I cry a lot, my appetite has gone.

My fiancé does his best and is great with the baby but he's exhausted too. His job is very full on. He's under huge pressure and (due to lack of staff) currently commuting a few hundreds of miles there and back a couple of days a week and wfh the rest. By the time he's home or finished for the day he has little left to give to me emotionally. We haven't had sex for six months - the final three months of pregnancy were a write off and now we have a velcro baby who barely sleeps in his next2me, he's usually on one of us.

We have no support. Both our mums are dead, his sibling is useless, I'm an only child, my dad is elderly and Covid risk, his dad lives abroad. We can't see our friends due to lockdown.

Something has to give. DP is thinking of quitting his job because it's not sustainable like this. He's stressed, we're both exhausted, I'm lonely, we're both depressed, I'm getting resentful of him being physically present but basically not here at night.

Sorry for the moan. I just had to write it down. I miss my life, my job, feeling joy and excitement. I don't know how to improve things while lockdown persists.

Sounds very hard.
Him giving up his job is not the answer.

Have you contacted your GP and health visitor for support.

Put the baby in the pram and just go for a brisk walk. Wear headphones.

The baby needs to get used to the pram.
End of.

I often have seen women out walking, pushing a crying baby.

The baby needs to get used to it.
Getting out and you both getting fresh air will help the baby sleep.

I'm so sorry you are finding it so hard.
The early months can be very hard.

Unfortunately you need to reach outfor support and push for it.

Keep posting.

Thanks @billy1966 . Financially we're ok, so him quitting may be an option. He could get something else, his industry hasn't been hit by COVID.

The pram is just so hard when he's choking with tears. I can't take it.

I have never suffered with a baby who doesn't like the pram but I can imagine it being awful.

My ideas are:

Baby in a sling, although I know when you are tired, that's the last thing you need. But to get some fresh air.

Baby in pram, does yours tilt up so he can see out and look at stuff?

Dh going part-time rather than giving up completely.

Remembering that this is not going to last forever. Your baby is 3 months so you have had very little sleep for three months. Add on lockdown and it is no wonder you feel rubbish.

What are other new mothers doing in lockdown? Are they all going mad? I really feel for them. Is there a thread/topic on Mumsnet where they are gathering and you can get support?

Whilst I understand you can't see friends in the normal sense can you at least meet up with one person at a time for a walk? It is a life saver.

REgarding the awfulness at home your baby will get bigger and easier. Hang on in there .

Families with a child under the age of one can now legally form a support bubble with one other family. I'm not eligible for that but know it would make a huge difference to me if I could visit properly with my closest friend. Do you have a friend who would be able to do that with you? (Bonus points if they are a couple and your fiance is friends with the partner, because then you can both have some much needed contact)

These are the hardest days. It will get better!

Can your fiance look for something with a view to leaving where he is? I'm just thinking it might not do your shared morale any good if you're all stuck at home all day?

Sounds like when my lo was that age he had colic could your lo be suffering?
Try him in a forward facing pram tilted up not lying flat as it causes pain & reflux
get out the house walk around a park
For a bit of fresh air wil do you both good.

What about a buggy so the baby can sit facing out and hopefully be distracted by the world.

Could your partner take some parental leave as an alternative to leaving his job? It would be unpaid but as you say you're ok financially that might give you some breathing space x