Ended things but he won’t leave

[Lockdownisshit]

I told him it was over
Packed his things told him to go stay in his own house, he won’t accept this
Unpacked his stuff and put everything back
Said he will stay in the other room
His house is a mess (having works done) but I don’t see why ge can’t just go there to get his head down hes in work all day anyway but he is refusing
He won’t stay with family either so although i have ended it in no better off

He doesnt get to choose. You've asked him to leave, so he needs to leave. This isn't a negotiation where you have to convince him.

Call the police (on the non emergency number) and say you've repeatedly asked him to leave but he won't go. Your name is on the tenancy, he has no power. The only power he has is that you are scared of confrontation. Would you want your daughter to be in your position in 20 years time? Or would you want her to be strong and throw the man out?

Bags on the doorstep.. Woman the fuck up...

Call the police ffs, stop being so passive. Police will get him out, change the locks and put his stuff outside for him to collect.

You need to send a plea out to family and friends so you have people with you to ensure he packs his stuff and leaves. Change the locks afterwards.

He won't go voluntarily, you know this.

He would be met with a “get the fuck out of my house NOW” or I’m calling the police. You are unwelcome. I am sick of telling you. You obviously split for a reason ..
You talk about not wanting drama for your children but you are setting the example of accepting this CF behaviour is ok.

Ok well I'm going to give a different opinion to all here saying call the police to have him dragged out of your (joint) kids' bedroom in the night here.

Yes, that would be deeply traumatic for the children and would be imo completely OTT.

You haven't said why you're splitting up. Nowhere have you said he's dangerous/abusive/violent etc. Has this decision come out if the blue for him? His house is not habitable. He has not said he won't go. He's said give him a moment to sort something out - with his brother, etc.

And why are people here immediately going crazy? 'I wouldn't let him sleep with the kids!!!! Are they his?!!!' - this is just so reactionary. We have barely any details here. They are his and your children, and you haven't said anywhere he's a bad or dangerous father.

Why shouldn't he sleep in a room with the children?? You've asked him to go. You don't want him. This means he'll also have to go away from his children. We don't know the details but presumably that will be an awful separation for them and him. He isn't imposing himself on you but why should you feel you can order him to sleep on the sofa 'but' he's going in with the kids? They are not just your kids. ! He's about to move out! Why shouldn't he be close to them for a few days? How anyhow is this separation going to be dealt with as far as they're concerned?

I'm sorry but he's said he'll go and possibly is just keeping things normal I presume FOR THE KIDS while he deals with the shock and gets himself organised with somewhere to go.

Don't listen to some of the rubbish on here. Talk to him like the co parent you are about how this is going to be presented to the kids. Focus on minimising their stress. Let him gently go when he's sorted out somewhere - not an hour's notice and he's dumped on a building site.

Of course we don't know WHY you're leaving him and how he's behaved. That may change my opinion completely. But if you're just fed up with him but he isn't bad or dangerous, then personally I think it's only fair and best for all to deal with this in a civilised way.

@lunalulu are you actually serious?! Op has ended it and clearly wants him gone! He has NO right to stay! She’s not denying him access to the kids but she has ENDED their relationship which means he is not her problem! She obviously wants him gone for a reason- abuse or not, the reason doesn’t matter- she has ended it and he is taking advantage of her passiveness and refusing to leave. How can you even try to suggest he is some kind of sad victim?! 🤦🏻‍♀️

He is going today.. at 1
Staying with his brother until he can find somewhere else or go back to his.
Thanks @lunalulu I would never want to call the police on him i dont think its necessary id just have to lock him out if he didn’t go id never want my children seeig that.
Although my friend did say the same about calling police
He’s not violent or dangerous but he has been disrespectful to me and called me things in the past, took the piss and made me feel unappreciated for the past 15 years i have got to the point now where i have had enough and deserve better

We have seperated in the past hence why having our own places and its been a god send actually or I wouldn’t be in a position to leave finally.
His house WAS our family home which he decided to buy without putting me on the mortgage because I don’t earn well (min wage)

It sounds like he doesn’t want to be seen as the dad who left to the kids. Maybe he has memories of his father leaving as a kid himself. I think you might need to negotiate access to the kids as much as his departure

How long will his house take to sort?

(Please don’t think from that question that I think he is doing the right thing by staying)

I’m wondering if part of his refusal is because he won’t have anywhere to house the kids for visits.

@Chanandlerbong01it will probably take 1 year to fix properly tbh the rate hes doing it, unless he just painted it and got carpets for now
but he can take them to his parents he doesn’t have to have them stay overnight

He’s gone now anyway

Glad to hear he has gone!

Diana2343 can you bloody stop name changing and plugging your stuipid business please

Cross post!