He kept asking to hug me...

[winnieupland]

Hi again. Yesterday I made the post about my ex attempting to invalidate my history of sexual traumas. Thank you for the wonderful support. I’m so glad I found this community.

Today I’m still trying to come to terms with it all. It’s feeling rough. Before and after I broke up with him, following a long silent treatment, he kept asking to hug me. He looked just pitiful when he asked. Does anyone have any ideas about why he would do that? The rational part of me says it must have been about manipulation, about trying to get me to lower my guard again. I used to be a sucker for his hugs and other forms of physical affection. ...The emotional side of me feels sad over this, somewhere deep down wondering if he was trying to be genuine and doesn’t know how to express himself.

I might need a good shaking to get some sense back into me 🤦‍♀️

If you're a sucker for it, then definitely. Puppy dog eyes to get you feeling sorry for him and then to feel you back in.
I didn't read your other thread but it sounds like you know he's a dick so shake it off and keep yourself too busy to contact him.

@Idratherberude

Thank you. I’ve been too much of a softy when it comes to him.

Bump

I think that you are questioning your own judgement about something that you were once sure of. It's natural to reflect because that's our way of learning from experience. However, there must have been a reason why you didn't want to hug him. I would suspect that it was your internal instinct. It was there for a reason and served a purpose. Don't torture yourself. His needs at the time were secondary to yours and if you didn't want to hug him then so be it.

I didn't read your other thread but I'm guessing he was emotionally and physically manipulative when you were together?

It is interesting you worry he might not know 'how to express himself'. He knew to ignore you and totally withdraw affection, then when that didn't work, he knew to keep asking for hugs like a needy five year old.

He knew exactly what to do and although it has got under your skin, you stood firm on your decision which is brilliant.

Ugh.