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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Good marriage but always imagining leaving?

2 replies

ncnc202121 · 21/01/2021 10:01

I'm really struggling at the minute, going round in circles about my relationship with DH. I feel like I've been doing this for years; I go through phases where I'm constantly fantasising about leaving him and then that changes and I feel like I couldn't bear the thought of ever not being with him.

I do love him a lot, he's a good man and in general we have a happy marriage. We've been together for 18 years - since I was 18 and DH 19. He can be a bit of a workaholic and I end up spending a lot of time on my own but that's about his only fault really. But it means we are comfortable financially. I work for myself doing admin type of role, so I work from home. No DC due to fertility issues but we were planning on IVF at the end of the year (potenitally, depending on the Covid situation)

When I think about leaving, I don't think about finding someone else. I'm not interested. I love the idea of living alone, of having a fresh start, of being able to just please myself. There are some new builds being built close to me, I love the area, I just keep imagining getting one, and a golden retriever.

I just don't know what to do. I hate feeling like this, I feel so guilty. I can also see all the downsides if I did actually leave. I would never want to hurt DH at all. I do really love him. But I don't know how to put these thoughts out of my head and be happy and grateful for the life that I have.

OP posts:
Lauren551 · 21/01/2021 10:04

Is there anything you think you could work on together to make things better ? Maybe couples therapy ?
How’s your Sex life ?
I think everyone thinks about alternatives life’s to a degree , maybe you are just abit of a fantasist?

ncnc202121 · 21/01/2021 10:17

@Lauren551 I doubt DH would go for couples therapy, to be fair he's not really doing anything wrong. It's all just in my head. I am definitely a fantasist. I'm always imagining packing in my job too, or planning out a new hobby I'm going to do, or if I ever win the lottery, etc etc.

Our sex life isn't great at the minute. It's terrible to be honest. I feel like failing at TTC has really damaged it, and it wasn't that brilliant to start with. I don't see sex as something fun anymore, it's something that will cause me heartache when I end up not being pregnant.

OP posts:
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