Love, but not in love

[Bronteland]

Hi all....I have been struggling with this for about 3 years now...I have been married for 30 years and been with my husband for 36 years. Im just not in love with him anymore, we havent been intimate for over 2 years ......I want to leave and start afresh, but he is still in love with me. I feel so bad as i just do not feel any passion for me, although i care for him deeply. I think i started to feel resentment towards him a long time ago, hes one of lifes plodders, and providing for the family has always fallen to me, although he has always worked, and worked hard. I just dont know what to do

If you don't love him it's wrong to stay with,I get you would feel guilty but you need to do what is right for both of you,so you can both be happy in the future x

Can I ask you what you view as "start afresh", have you had your head turned or do you think a new life will bring a new, exciting relationship. Or is it you are ready to live a new life on your own? I ask this as what the image in your brain is to the harsh realities of a life alone away from a good steady man, that you could feel different about if you just tweaked your marriage a bit to make it more exciting. If you are ready to step away and live your life alone for a while and be happy with that then its time to take the plunge. Be mindful though, the grass may not be greener.

@Charlie057

So I've been with my partner for around 7 years. We have a baby together now and I'm just not 100% happy. Through all my pregnancy he was awful, he used to just not come home from work when I was very late pregnant and go to his mates drinking, would ignore my calls and texts and sometimes not come home all night, sometimes he would then go and stay with family for a few days because I would text and tell him he is out of order and it would only be when I would apologise he would come back. It's always my fault. He can never be wrong. With covid going on and being in lockdown I asked him to just stick to it to keep the baby safe and he would go to his families and friends behind my back and lie about where he was. His family don't stick to the rules and there blatant about it and he knows how upset I was about it all but he would still go and pick up his brother who lives with them all and car share every day all through lockdown despite me saying i wanted to keep the baby safe and asking him not to do this. Anyway, my issue is basically I just feel like he doesn't care about my feelings anymore and I just don't trust him one bit. He should be putting his child first and he just isn't. How can I fix this? How do I get the trust back? I question everything he does now and I feel like I'm becoming the issue because I just don't believe a word he says anymore or believe he's where he says he is.

Did you mean to post this here? Maybe start your own thread.

Apologies I have reported my comment I didn't mean to do that, meant to start a new thread. Apologies

What is stopping you? Hurting him? Being single? Money? Scared? Do you want to find love with someone new or be alone? Do you think he would want to find a new love or be single? Could you be happy living together as friends or does he irritate you? Do you want your own space?

The first thing I would say is have you actually spoken to your DH about any of this? if you haven't its time to sit down and have a serious chat about how your feeling, you say he is still in love with you so perhaps with a little work you may be able to rekindle the love if your both willing to put in the work.

Is it possible for the "in love" feelings to come back I would say yes anything is possible but I will be honest and say I've always struggled with this "in love" part when it comes to long term relationships, I think what it boils down to and you mentioned it already is the passion and the intimacy is gone and that really can drive a wedge between a couple . Speak to your DH I am sure if he loves you the way you say he does he will do what he can help your relationship move forward.