Need a handhold or a head shake

[lifeturnsonadime]

I'm at the point that I must end relationship with DH.

There have been numerous issues over the years including abuse. I've hung on for over a year but it's badly affecting my mental health.

The main issue is that he is a high earner and I am a carer (actually receive carers allowance). I have no personal income or savings nor any prospect of such because we have disabled children who will need care in to adulthood.

I have no prospect of getting a mortgage in my own right for example.

So basically i'll be putting my financial security in a very precarious position. I know that he will need to pay maintenance and keep a house over the children's head etc but I'm really worried about my personal future.

If he leaves will he have to continue paying household bills etc?

I have really struggled to get to this point and don't feel mentally strong enough to speak face to fact to a solicitor etc yet. I think it would put me over the edge.

Has anyone been in this kind of position who can give me some words of wisdom.

I've given everything up for the children/ his career. What happens now?

just bumping up. Can anyone help me. `i feel sick.

I would think if he leaves you would get alot of help financially,give cab a call and get some advice xx

In a divorce you will get half of everything. Are you worried about the time in between the sepetation and the divorce? I'm sorry I'm not an expert and you really are best off getting some expert advice. Speak to a solicitor, or at the very least an advice line x

Thanks, I will call them when I can find strength.

I've just told him that it's over and it's not up for discussion.

The children kind of know what's going on already. Daughter keeps saying 'she misses daddy'. He's been gone for 48 hours now to give me space.

Don't know what to say except for 'i know'.

I feel really really sick and really really sad.

I'm worried that he will stop paying bills and stop providing food money. He said he won't but I am in such a vulnerable position.

Start from you’re entitled to half of everything. Go on to the child benefit website and work out what child maintenance you’re entitled to. And then start to work out what benefits you’ll be entitled to.

Once you start doing something uou will feel more positive.

Put in a claim for universal credit.

Go to CMS website and work out what child support he needs to pay.
Look at your bills cut whatever you can.

Get legal advice. Some offer an hour free over zoom or phone at the moment. Gather any paper work payslips bank statements pensions etc.

Legally all he has to pay is his child support. Mine promised me x when he yet. This never materialised. And I'm still waiting to CMS to catch up with him 28 months later.

@ lifeturnsonadime

Take things one at a time...........

1. Take out any and all money you can access from joint accounts and either keep it in cash or transfer it to an account in your name only.

1. Look up what benefits you can apply for (you can go onto the Gov.uk sites and www.moneyadviceservice.org.uk/en/articles/benefits-you-may-be-entitled-to-if-you-are-separating )

1. Get your applications started (this is important because they are dated from the time you apply, so DON'T put this off) And don't worry about whether or not you're entitled to a benefit, just apply for everything you can. They will let you know whether or not you qualify.

1. Look out all important paperwork (Passports, birth certificates, bank statements, loans, investments, pensions etc) and keep them hidden. You'll need these for further down the line to give to your divorce solicitor.

1. Inform all relevant people about the split (Family, schools, bank etc) so they can give you RL support.

1. Make an appointment with CAB. They give excellent advice on what you need to do and help you to do it. They can also contact any creditors ( eg. loans/ overdrafts/ gas/ electric/ council tax etc) and stop them contacting you/ stop interest being added etc.

1. Pack up H's belongings for collection and change locks.

Once you know what you're going to get in benefits, you'll know what you can afford re housing etc.

As a single parent of a disabled child I'd think you'd get universal credit (including disability element) as well as child benefit, housing benefit, DLA/PIP, council tax exemption/reduction, carers allowance, as well as getting your national insurance stamp paid in full for all the years you are a carer.

I know benefits have changed a lot (since I was in your position), and applying can seem endless sometimes, but once you get what you're entitled to, you'll be surprised how easy your life becomes.