Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

think i may be a bit anti- social me

35 replies

cheeryface · 29/10/2007 11:57

i always seem to want it to be just me,dh and the boys.

whenever there is an outing planned and my parents or brother jump on the bandwagon, i think 'oh no'

my friend is forever asking me to join the girls for a night out, sometimes i do but alot of the time i just feel happier staying home with a book etc.

Ideal xmas day would be to briefly visit mum and brother and then spend the rest of the day just my own little family. of course mum and brother are the exact opposite so, as not to offend, we are all having christmas dinner at mums.

how can i become more sociable ? am i weird??

OP posts:
scorpio1 · 29/10/2007 11:59

you sound the same as me! when i do go out, more often than not i would rather be at home than in the pub with the same old people, etc. i have started some new hobbies though, which means i want to get out.

FioFio · 29/10/2007 11:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
cheeryface · 29/10/2007 12:02

well, to be honest, i'm quite happy really just doing what i'm doing.

i like my own company. i like making things, reading, meditating, mumsnet, shopping and day trips every now and then with my dh and ds1 and ds2.

now and then it's nice to see friends when i feel like it!!

OP posts:
scorpio1 · 29/10/2007 12:02

you sound happy then! you are not weird at all.

FioFio · 29/10/2007 12:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

JARM · 29/10/2007 12:03

im the same - a complete hermit.

i love being at home with my little family. I would always make time and space for my dad though, but he is the only one.

My bro and SIL came over for DD2's birthday last thursday evening and I kicked them out at 9pm because I had just about taken all I could.

I cant be bothered to "entertain" despite having them all here on saturday this week for fireworks - but hoping it wont involve too much talking and I can feign illness and go to bed and watch from the bedroom window!!

Niecie · 29/10/2007 12:04

Can I join the weird club because I am just the same?

Supposed to be going out with some friends in a few days and although I want to see them I keep hoping something will come along to postpone it.

kerala · 29/10/2007 12:09

Think I am having the same thing - I found myself feeling relieved last week when my visitors left.

And yesterday I met up with a friend and all I could think was "would much rather be here with dh and dd". I find myself meeting up with people because I feel I ought to rather than I want to. That said I do enjoy mixing with other people but more than happy being just us.

Original poster
cheeryface · 29/10/2007 12:17

this is reassuring lol

on saturday, i had planned to go shopping , ALONE, whilst dh took the boys to their golf lessons.

dh then tells me his sister wants to get out of her house (building work) and is coming to us. he had told her he was taking the boys to golf but that she could tag along.

when he hears my plan to go shopping it's oh she can go with you. my heart sank

OP posts:
warthog · 29/10/2007 12:23

another wierdo here... would be quite happy never seeing anyone!

tissy · 29/10/2007 12:31

me too!

Original poster
cheeryface · 29/10/2007 12:40

have had to aggree pleasantly on the christmas day plans as i really don't want to upset family, but, i'm a bit peeved now as i'm not particularly looking forward to it.

OP posts:
stealthsquiggle · 29/10/2007 12:41

Put your foot down about Christmas. DH and I (his idea, so I will give him the credit ) declared that we were going to spend Christmas Day on our own from the first year we were living together - 7 years later when DS arrived it was no longer up for debate - we see family on the days around, but Christmas is just us, at home - bliss.

catsmother · 29/10/2007 12:45

Another "weird" one here too.

I enjoy seeing small groups of people every so often but am also quite content with my own company and being with my own immediate family - the ones who I live with !

It can cause problems with DP as he has a large family and I've had the anti-social thing flung at me many times. He won't accept that my feelings about socialising - though different to his - are equally valid .... I don't stop him seeing his family, I just don't want to be pressured to do it too - usually for days on end (as opposed to day singular) due, apparently, to the "distance" invoved (though IMO 2 hours away isn't exactly the end of the earth). I feel the same about my family too and it's not as if I dislike any of the individuals concerned, it's simply that I don't like large gatherings. I hate "small talk" with a passion, am useless at it - though I enjoy a meaty conversation - and inevitably, the more there are of you, the more likely it is that you'll be expected to do that.

I do sometimes wonder if I "should" make an effort to be more gregarious but the older I get the more I feel why should I. I find large groups of people physically difficult to deal with - I often feel claustrophobic and the usually inevitable noise level gives me a headache. I'm not to my knowledge hearing impaired to any degree but I somehow find it hard to tune in when there's lots of hussle & bustle ..... the concentration needed is a contributory factor to the headache thing I'm sure.

Have already had an argument with DP over Xmas .... his mum's this year, no problem with that, but he seemed to find it terribly objectionable that I am only prepared to stay 2 days, not 4. I'm not stopping him staying longer but I want some "quiet" time at home too. Culminated with him saying I would "have to explain to his mum" at which point I exploded and said that I was "forty f*ing two and didn't have to explain myself to anyone", especially if I am coming home "early" (in his opinion) to get some work done.

Original poster
cheeryface · 29/10/2007 12:46

good for you stealth. thats how i'd like it. it would cause an uproar now though and i'm not at all confrontational (soft in other words)

OP posts:
redsky · 29/10/2007 12:46

We've always had christmas day on our own - I used to resent the inlaws for making it clear they didn't want family get togethers at Christmas. Now I love it cos we get to eat and do exactly what we want - and absolutely no pressure. Bliss!

Original poster
cheeryface · 29/10/2007 12:48

i think your being more than reasonable catsmother

OP posts:
Original poster
cheeryface · 29/10/2007 12:48

i like being a slob amidst a pile of xmas toys just for one day as i am usually busying around and far too tidy

OP posts:
catsmother · 29/10/2007 12:51

Thanks Cheery .... I didn't say it but "I think I'm going out of my way to be sociable by coming up for TWO days to a crammed house of 15 people so think yourself lucky" was on the tip of my tongue.

stealthsquiggle · 29/10/2007 12:54

It's 2 hours away and they want you to stay 4 days?

I wouldn't stay at all....or possibly one night on a "I drink to forget" basis

Original poster
cheeryface · 29/10/2007 12:54

lol i'll think myself lucky that mines only a one day job!

OP posts:
Original poster
cheeryface · 29/10/2007 12:56

we've had terrible barneys about staying over. dh parents have moved to spain and want us to visit.

i said i would only go if we could stay in a hotel rather than at their house.

dh and his parents think i'm totally weird and unreasonable. dh won't agree to it's and it's a total stalemate!

OP posts:
catsmother · 29/10/2007 13:05

The proposed "plan" is go up Xmas Eve, stay 25, 26 & 27 and come home 28th (which will invariably stretch to late afternoon). There'll be ridiculous queues for the bathroom, non-stop noise, not enough places to sit down at any one time, I won't get any sleep 'cos of strange bed and DP's snoring (nowhere to kick him out to!) and I daren't pick up a book because that will be considered anti-social. I sound like a right grump but I hate it ... I wouldn't want to spend 4 days with my own family. Each individual member of DP's family is lovely, but it's the culminative effect of so many people in close quarters for so long that I hate. It's not my home, however welcoming they are, and I can't relax. I don't want to be subjected to someone else's choice of TV, meals etc (which they're perfectly entitled to in their own home) for days on end. Why is that "anti-social" ?

This 2 hour thing has always been considered a reason within DP's family for overnight stays. I'm not really sure why because it's 1.5 hours to my family and staying over has never been considered necessary. Maybe it's because they're on a quiet part of the coast and somewhat "back of beyond" making them feel they're a lot further away than they really are ? Alternatively, why not admit they all enjoy seeing each other for as long as possible - which is fine so long as I am not emotionally blackmailed into feeling exactly the same way.

Original poster
cheeryface · 29/10/2007 13:07

that sounds like my idea of hell!

OP posts:
stealthsquiggle · 29/10/2007 13:09

We used to have a big family gathering at my grandparents' which sounds similar (people sleeping on floors, tight schedule for the one and only bathroom, etc) but for New Year, not Christmas. As children, we loved it, as we really were a long way (~7 hours) away and didn't really see our cousins from one year to the next - but with hindsight I suspect my mother wasn't quite so keen .