I don't want it

[alrightbutallwrong]

Sorry if this ends up long but I'm hoping there's some advice out there.
DH and I have been together 20 years, one teenager and a 10 month old. Prior to baby arriving, we slept in separate rooms - because he snores (not gentle snoring, like earth shaking snoring that I can even here in the other bedroom or downstairs with the tv on so you can imagine what it's like to sleep next to - well, not sleep next to because there's no sleep). He refuses to do anything about it (I guess it's not a problem when you're not the one being kept awake). When baby arrived, it was pretty traumatic - emergency CS and baby in NICU over a week then a fairly tough recovery (own fault for overdoing it). The baby still sleeps in the main bedroom and we take it in turns to sleep there while the other sleeps in the spare room (which is about to be babies room).

I'm dreading going back to sharing a bed for several reasons, mainly:

1. The snoring means most nights I'll end up on the couch
2. Knowing I'm going to start getting pawed at at night again.

I know that sounds awful but I just don't have any interest in it at the moment. The odd occasion it has happened lately has been uncomfortable and when you've spent all day being touched and pawed at by a baby (I'm not complaining at all) the last thing you want when you fall into bed is to be touched again. By the end of the day, I just want space!

The little one is a very light sleeper and wakes easily. DH has just come in tonight (I'm in main room with baby), woke me up and tried it on. I'm working full time, have a baby at home (because of the virus restrictions) trying to ensure the teen does what he's supposed to, cooking, cleaning etc and I'm knackered so the last thing I needed was to be woken when I'd not long fallen asleep, I told him it's my bad week (not a total lie, I am due on) and he went away in the huff muttering typical but now I'm wide awake feeling like crap and the little one is half awake after being disturbed with the door and movement etc.

I don't know what to do? I don't like pushing him away, I'd never want to intentionally hurt him but I just have zero interest in sex at the moment.

Does you DH do anything?

@RantyAnty in what sense?

What does he do around the house? Is he doing his fair share? As for the sex issue, use your voice. Tell him being pawed at while you're half asleep is a guarantee you won't be interested. His sulking is bullshit and very unattractive.

Tell him how you feel,sit him down and be honest x

It sounds like you do the bulk of the home work. That, plus him moaning is enough to make any woman's clitoris shrivel up.
I don't think you should feel guilty, he's doing sod all to make himself attractive to you. Get him told

He sounds like a knob
Not much to love about the description you posted

Were you more regularly intimate before DC2? Despite the sleeping arrangements. If this is a blip in a usually close & sexual relationship then DH really should give you some time. If this is a continuation then you've clearly gone off him generally OP, and probably need to address that. The snoring thing is tricky. Can you convert a room into a bedroom, build an extension or move? If you plan to stay together that is.

Sounds like a selfish twat to me. He should be getting the snoring sorted out, and as for the waking you up for sex, yuck. He's giving me the ick and I don't even know him.

Cant you just literally say what you've just said to us.

Tell him you like sleeping separately because it means you can actually sleep and mean to continue it indefinitely. Lots of couples don't share a bedroom.

As for the sex, maybe pick a different night to bring that up so he doesnt think those things are linked and then just tell him you arent up for it yet and dont know when you will be. But reasure him you still love him and find him attractive.

This stuff really shouldnt be difficult with a husband. I've had these talks with partners and theres never been any issue.

What did you have planned before you TTC the baby? What conversations around the sleeping arrangements did you note down and discuss with him before the baby was born? What were your plans as a couple with splitting the housework when the baby came into the world? You need to go back to those conversations as the answers will be there for you.