I have just found out that my partner sexually assaulted someone before I knew him

[catnaps1995]

My friend said that she was sexually assaulted by my boyfriend before I met him.
She told my sister, I'm not meant to know. I can't think why she'd lie about this, especially since I'm not supposed to know. Apparently my boyfriend tried to touch her whilst she was drunk and asleep in his bed, he was supposed to be sleeping downstairs. His best mate came in after the argument and told him how that was wrong and put a stop to it all. I always wondered why his best mate is seemingly so distant and doesn't meet up with him anymore (before covid). Apparently that is the reason why.
Anyway I have no proof this happened but I am always someone that believes the person who was abused unless proven otherwise. I was having difficulties in our relationship before, my current partner is a liar and has been emotionally abusive to me in the past. I've been trying so hard in this relationship, but this is getting too hard. I think I want to leave but I don't know how. I don't know where he would live, I don't want to break up our family, upset our daughter. I don't know how I will cope on my own. Will I ever meet anyone else? I always wanted another child. Is that going to be it for me now. No one would want me...but I'm not interested in anyone else. I have lots of worries. I don't know if I'm doing the right thing. What would you do?

Babe my ex did too! Hence me being lesbian now x

Lies, abuse and sexual assault? Leave him OP. Leave today.

I don't know where he would live

Not your problem

I don't want to break up our family, upset our daughter

She'll be more upset growing up in an atmosphere of lies and abuse, which will break up your family eventually anyway if you don't leave now

I don't know how I will cope on my own

You'll cope, you're an adult, you're stronger than you think

Will I ever meet anyone else? I always wanted another child. Is that going to be it for me now. No one would want me...but I'm not interested in anyone else.

OP while I have sympathy for you this is getting a bit me-me-me. Think of your daughter, think of the poor woman who was assaulted. And is your self-esteem so low that you'd rather be with a sexual predator than be single?

I was having difficulties in our relationship before, my current partner is a liar and has been emotionally abusive to me in the past

Why are you still in a relationship with him then? This latest revelation about him has to be the final red flag?!

Please do NOT ask her! She chose not to tell you, it would be really violating that you would have 'heard about' it.

You have already said you believe her. You have already said your partner shows reproachable traits. Just end it with him. Why put this poor girl through the mill again?

Do not ask her!

Do end it with him. He is abusive and a liar.

@AngelDelightUK

I’d ask her, say your sister has told you something concerning as she was worried and you want to know if it’s true

This is a really horrible thing to do! She told somebody something extremely personal and knowing that confidence was broached will feel awful. Please don't recommend doing this to a victim of sexual assault ever again.

Thank you. Yes you are all right. I've contacted woman's aid for support.

Sending you lots of love and strength OP. I am really sorry you are in such a horrible situation. You and your DC deserve better.

Obviously you need to get him out of your life. Even without the knowledge of your friends assault. He‘s been abusive towards you and lies to you.
It strikes me that you have low self esteem and you need to work on that and get counselling before you even think of another relationship - you need to understand that you and your DD are worth far more than being stuck in a relationship like this.

@catnaps1995

Thank you. Yes you are all right. I've contacted woman's aid for support.

Well done. You’ve done the right thing