What a subject. Unfortunately, I’m worried that is what he’s trying to do. Whether he’s aware of it or not.
When I met him I thought he treated me just beautifully. He was the first man I ever truly allowed myself to feel comfortable with. Eventually, gradually, I confided in him about how I was sexually abused as a child, how I was raped when I was 20 which led to me having an abortion, how I’ve had numerous experiences with men where I was sexually harassed and preyed upon. I trusted him. I didn’t want him to be confused about my being timid in the bedroom at times, my hesitation to feel comfortable around men in general.
When I would tell him these things he seemed supportive. It seemed like he cared. But now, whenever he’s angry with, he throws jabs right where it hurts me so deeply. He’s accused me of consenting to those behaviors from the men who abused me, of sleeping with any man I ever tried to speak out against, of playing the victim. He told me that the reason my family outed me after I spoke up about the abuse that traumatized me as a child is because I’m “problematic.”
It hurts so badly to hear someone I trusted say these things. It’s like he doubts everything about me. He was a virgin when we got together, and sometimes I wonder whether that’s why he lashes out this way. Does he feel threatened? He’s made me feel so dirty and, although I hate to say it, used by him. The last time he was yelling at me I asked, “If you think I’m this awful person, why did you continue a relationship with me? Why keep pursuing me for intimacy and sex, for connection?” He replied, “I don’t want that anymore from you. You’re no good at sex anyway!”
Please forgive me for rattling on. I know this relationship is probably a dud. I’m just so hurt and confused.