I can't take it anymore

[hopeandbeyond]

I'm crying at least once a week, my body aches due the stress and tension in my body.
I feel like I'm about to explode 🤯
I cannot be patient anymore I really would feather die than stay in this horrible relationship.
I'm currently in a toxic relationship that is on and off (married).
We have to DS and have tried really hard to maintain my family but I can no longer do it.
Especially at the expense of my mental health.
I am scared of being alone and not finding anyone, all my unmarried friend talk to me about the dating scene and it sound horrendous. I can't imagine someone accepting me and my two kids.
I think that's the only thing stopping me, it's the fear of being alone and lonely.
Yes! It's better than being in a toxic relationship 100 percent.
Can someone please give me some advice maybe uplifting stories I don't know.

Staying in a toxic relationship is damaging your mental health you need to get out and recover from it.
Whilst dating again does bring a mix of good and bad experiences, dont let stories put you off, yes you will find another relationship even with children, how many people do know of that have step parents? Probably many! They all found love again.
One step at a time though.

I cant offer you advice...im currently heartbroken after my partner left me, but what I can say is, be strong and realise your worth. So much love being sent your way x

There's nothing wrong with being alone, it's good to get to know yourself. You really don't, and shouldn't need to, lean on others to prop up your self worth, that's when you find yourself sticking with any old crap. Being on your own is far better than a bad relationship, fear being stuck in it more than being alone. Don't ever look for a man to validate your existence.

You need to change your mindset. This relationship sounds horrific, and if you split up it doesn’t mean you need to find another relationship. That isn’t to say you won’t - you very well might - but if you don’t, it doesn’t matter. Being alone is liberating, you get to really take care of yourself and your own needs

Hi I split last lost down officially after 15 years but we’d split in the house and living there. I literally had no idea how soul destroying it was till I was out of it.
We have a son also. I felt trapped, like I was ripping my sons world apart and how could I possibly do it. Well I was in an extremely loveless marriage ( no affection whatsoever) I looked at my son and thought if his future partner felt like this through my sons actions I would be so incredibly disappointed. So why was I allowing for my self? Lack of self worth due to your marriage.
You want to meet someone because you feel so alone in your marriage ( I felt desperate to as well) now I don’t because I’m not alone . I’m with me and my beautiful son . It’s a fantastic feeling. Yes it’s came with tears, hardship and tons and tons of questions. My son screamed at me and called me everything under the sun. I even offered to move out so he could process it .
Your boys will 100 percent know . There is an atmosphere. I was loosing my relationship with my son because I just didn’t feel normal/ loved. Like a complete outsider in my own marriage. So he just started to see me as a misery. Well no!! He’s the best thing that has ever happened to both of us and I’ll be damned if he remembers me that way. If you stay you will not get a thanks. The cycle will continue . It will be the hardest thing you ever do but you will be free to be a happy mum to your boys, nice to yourself and actually have the chance to meet someone. Now you don’t . You are the blue print for your sons future relationship, they will see a strong happy woman. A woman / man they may wish to meet in the future. My son says he’s proud of me . I’m proud of me. Every situation is different but the fundamentals are the same. Mum being happy and the children will be . Hope this helps just a little

You know, success and happiness can be found without having a msn in your life. And you can be in a relationship and still be lonely. Sort yourself out first, and find happiness with your dc. Other things can wait.

Man, obviously, not Msn!

Leave your toxic rship, take some time alone to get your head straight don't be so anxious / concerned about someone else to accept and love you / your children if nothing else you have your children's unconditional love to begin your new future

I'd way rather be single than with some asshole.
Let alone subject my children to seeing me being treated like shit.

Life is too sort to spend it being driven crazy.

Single doesn't mean lonely either.
I've pretty much never felt lonely whilst single. I enjoy the free space and time to myself too much.

Staying in a toxic relationship will damage you mentally and then you will become baggage for anyone you were to meet if/when you decide to leave with what’s left of your mental state. So the longer you stay in your current situation, the less your chances are of meeting someone to build a healthy relationship with long term. And not that your current situation is not good for your kids.

@hopeandbeyond
I was in a toxic relationship for many years. I finally had enough and left. I was really frightened but I began to build a new life. I’ve reconnected with friends and built a new social circle.
I have met a new partner and have a wonderful relationship now, but I’m no longer afraid to be on my own. I really enjoyed the time I spent alone, discovering who I am and what I wanted.
Be brave you don’t need to focus on meeting someone new. Focus on having a great life. X

[quote sunnydays78]@hopeandbeyond
I was in a toxic relationship for many years. I finally had enough and left. I was really frightened but I began to build a new life. I’ve reconnected with friends and built a new social circle.
I have met a new partner and have a wonderful relationship now, but I’m no longer afraid to be on my own. I really enjoyed the time I spent alone, discovering who I am and what I wanted.
Be brave you don’t need to focus on meeting someone new. Focus on having a great life. X[/quote]
This.

You need to leave a build a new life for you and your kids. Get a new home , job and social life if you can. Work on your mental and physical health.

Then when you are in a stronger and better place, you can start thinking about dating again.

Stop looking for another man to rescue you from your shitty marriage. It’s not going to happen. Because no decent honourable man would get involved with you now. Anyone who does is a user.

Thanks everyone.

I do think about the future and sometimes I question wether Im in a toxic relationship or not. Or is it just the stress of life that everyone goes through.
My perception of reality is definitely tainted.
I do not trust myself at all to make any decisions. Maybe it's due to my childhood I don't know.
I've left 2x and I'm baffled as to why I keep going back, it's definitely fear.
I honestly don't think I'm strong enough as well, especially since i went back after being separated for a year, I don't think I'll be able to do it again.
I feel sorry for him for some reason, and I can't help it. I'm 29 and I feel like I'll regret this in the future.

Thanks everyone

Connie

You're absolutely right!!!
My situation is too messy to attract the man I'd want.

It's common for ppl to leave abusers multiple times before they finally stay gone.

You'll get there. But only you can do this, for you.

You'll find if you can get total space for a month or so and no contact the fog will start to clear. Read up lots on narcissistic abuse too. That'll help you find your anger. YouTube videos on it from other women who have been though it might help too. If you search the topic there are a few vloggers on it.

@hopeandbeyond

Connie

You're absolutely right!!!
My situation is too messy to attract the man I'd want.

I’m glad you understood what I meant! After I wrote it I was worried you might think I meant something bad about you.

YY I meant that a decent man doesn’t get involved with a woman who is married with kids.

Please get some support so you can leave. It’s like quitting cigarettes, lots of people need several attempts to quit. But practical support and counselling help.

My emotionally abusive ex left me 8 times before I’d finally had enough. Him dumping me was part of the control as I would beg him back and then be so relieved I’d put up with his behaviour. The last time something in me snapped. I changed the locks, ignored him when he tried to return and went no contact. He married 3 months later someone he just met. I was devastated but can see now it was a good thing as it drew a line under it. He divorced just as quickly and from what I hear is not in a good place.

I on the other hand spent a year grieving but then slowly began to enjoy being alone so much so that when my husband came along I wasn’t sure I even wanted a relationship.

He couldn’t be more different and I’m really happy.

The point is though I was also happy alone but I would not have said that before.