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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Leaving husband - Housing Association house in my sole name

126 replies

doloresclaiborne · 20/01/2021 11:50

I started a thread last year about my husband and unfortunately things are no further forward.

We live in my HA property (in my sole name).

Every few months or so there is a blow up and he tells me that he wants a divorce. The last one of these was in October.

He started looking for another rented property but he could not find anything that he liked, that would take his cat (he had the cat before we married and doesn't want to leave her with me) and he also has an unsatisfied CCJ for £6k, which means that he would fail any credit checks on a new rented place.

As we are married I cannot throw him out. So in October I started looking at alternative properties and found a shared ownership house in the next village. I am now at a stage with this where I could exchange and complete and move out of my HA house.

However this would leave him in the property and I am not certain of the implications of this, for example if he carried on paying the rent would he be able to stay there? Or would the HA evict him?

I feel absolutely trapped by my situation. I would prefer to stay in my house and him to leave but he won't move out. If I leave my HA property then he will probably need to find somewhere else to live anyway as they might not give the tenancy to him.

I have spoken to a solicitor who tells me I can just give him notice to leave, but I am not sure this advice is correct, as we are married.The solicitor said you cannot have home rights on a rented property but I don't think this is correct.

Sorry, I am rambling. But I have to make a decision now. Either I pull out of the shared ownership place and stay where I am, with him. Or I move out and give notice on my HA house.

Does anyone have any advice to offer. I have asked my friends but they all think I should stay where I am. However they don't have to live with someone they want to divorce from.

Thanks

OP posts:
Bex19999 · 20/01/2021 14:50

@doloresclaiborne it’s worth contacting your housing officer anyway just to see what advice they can offer you.

I wouldn’t advise you to give up your tenancy, if you do he will likely have to leave anyway.

Original poster
doloresclaiborne · 20/01/2021 14:53

I have read quite a lot of information on shared ownership and the horror stories etc. My colleague is dealing with the conveyancing for me and he has no issues with the lease (he is not the same solicitor who advised me as to matrimonial home rights btw!) but I am a very cautious person normally and I would not want to sign up to something that I late regret, particularly as I am in enough trouble already....

OP posts:
Bex19999 · 20/01/2021 14:54

If you leave that house he will have to leave anyway so there’s no point giving it up tbh so can you not ask him to leave and if he refuses get him removed by police ?

Original poster
doloresclaiborne · 20/01/2021 14:57

Bex19999. He won't leave of his own accord. He is paying no rent at the moment (I pay it) and his outgoings are minimal. He has no reason to leave. I would say that he is verbally abusive at times but not since our last argument in October.

OP posts:
Bex19999 · 20/01/2021 14:58

Then I think the only option here would be to get the police to force him to leave

updownroundandround · 20/01/2021 14:59

I would still have a chat with your HA, just to make your choices clear.

If the only way to get rid of him is to move out, then you only need to decide whether or not to go ahead with the shared ownership.

On balance, I'd go for the shared ownership (if moving out is the only way to be rid of him), and if he makes noises about getting half of your % of the property, I'd be telling my solicitor in that case, to go after half his pension pots. I'm quite sure he'd change his mind sharpish about 50/50 division of marital assets when he has more to lose than you do Hmm.

Wanderlusto · 20/01/2021 15:00

Just change the locks when he is out and drop his stuff round his parents. If he shows up and makes a fuss, show the police your lease and tell them you have asked him to leave.

If you want tou could give one months written notice and keep a copy to show the police (after you've done the lock thing because he hasn't left).

Original poster
doloresclaiborne · 20/01/2021 15:12

Unfortunately his parents are both dead and he has no other family.

I think that if I want to stay in my house then the best thing to do is to file for divorce. Divorce seems to end his right to live in the house. This obviously means that he will receive the papers while we are still living together which worries me. However if he kicks off I can phone the police at that stage.

OP posts:
Wanderlusto · 20/01/2021 15:19

Is it one bedroom home? Because I dont think the police would ok him getting back in if he kicked off. It's not like he could claim he was a lodger. Even if a lodger had much in the wats of rights.

You could have his stuff put in storage. Tell him where it is and give him the key. Just pay for one month.

Theunamedcat · 20/01/2021 15:24

When my ex husband and I split he was told he had no rights over the family home as I had forgotten to put his name on the tenancy he couldn't even return to get his stuff without my permission

FraggleShingleBellRock · 20/01/2021 15:35

You just can't tell some people.

He isn't a tenant. He is just part of the tenants family by marriage as you made him part of the house hold. This has been confirmed by several people that work in housing. I have also been through this myself. All you have to do is tell him to leave, you don't even have to give him notice, you tell him to leave. If he won't then you wait for him to leave for work etc and then change the locks. Pack his stuff up and leave it in the garden. If he won't leave, call the police. I showed them a copy of my tenancy and that was that. He had no right to stay. I offered to shower then the divorce papers I was about to post but they declined.

Why on Earth are you leaving a secure home at your age, for a property you will never own ? He will be evicted and you will all lose out.

Just. Change. The. Locks.

Wanderlusto · 20/01/2021 15:40

Agree with pp, stop fancying about? What's the worst that can happen if you change the locks?

If he kicks off, call the police.

Don't waste another second.
Divorce him once he is gone.

Even if he had any legal rights to stay in your home after you've asked him to leave, he would have to go to court to get back in. And what judge is going to say 'sure pal, in you go?' to a man with no lease rights who has been abusive to his partner.

Honestly op it sounds like you are just making excuses for him not to go. Or for you not to have to pull the plaster off.

ItStartedWithAKiss241 · 20/01/2021 15:43

I cannot believe the idea of this man is actually not leaving and you having to do something about it is such hard work that you would rather give up your sons home and stability-your home too- and move. This shows how worn down you are and I do understand, but it’s such a ridiculous decision no one will understand.
Ask him to leave.
Put his belongings outside while he’s out.
DO NOT let him back in NO matter what! Don’t let him in as he’s forgot something or because he’s being nice of he has nowhere to go.

Cherrysoup · 20/01/2021 15:54

Another one who doesn’t understand why you don’t just kick him out. He’s paying no rent?! Ffs! Kick him out, you’re allowed! He has no rights to stay. Had you bought/were both on the tenancy, it would be different.

Fuckityfucksake · 20/01/2021 15:57

Could you go speak to the HA, explain your circumstances and ask if you could apply for another home and leave the one you're in now? I appreciate empty HA homes don't grow on trees but it could be a way to get rid of him - I'm moving out on x date and you're not coming with me.
I'd not leave HA in your shoes.

PersonaNonGarter · 20/01/2021 16:00

Please grow some. In the nicest way.

Notice to leave. Pack up his stuff and change the locks.

Then let him worry over the niceties of the law while you get on with your life.

Colourmeclear · 20/01/2021 16:02

I would give him notice to leave by X date, I would change the locks on that date, if push came to shove I'd offer to pay the deposit for his new rental but only if it was the only thing to push him out the door.

He can find a tenancy with a CCJ, it won't be as easy but it's definitely doable. If he kicks off call the police.

dane8 · 20/01/2021 16:20

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

CutsOffCorners · 20/01/2021 16:27

It's not "the family home" though is it? It's your home which he has lived in for what, six months? I'm not sure that counts as "the family home" and strongly suggest you get more legal advice. And don't buy a property until you're divorced!!

user1471538283 · 20/01/2021 16:33

I would give him notice in the HA home. Get divorced. Then buy somewhere when you are able.

He may get half your savings and half your pension. You dont want him getting half your house

Original poster
doloresclaiborne · 20/01/2021 16:35

I am not sure why this thread seems to have rubbed people up the wrong way.

I am aware it is my tenancy. I am also aware that I am married to this person.

The law says that

"Rights if you rent your home

Occupancy rights
If you are separating from your partner, your rights to remain in or return to your rented home or to make your partner leave will depend on whether you are married or in a civil partnership and whose name is on the tenancy agreement.

A tenancy agreement is a contract between the landlord and tenant setting out your rights to live in a rented property. If your name is on the tenancy agreement, either as a joint tenant or as a sole tenant, you have a contractual and legal right to live in the property. If your name is not on the tenancy agreement, your rights to live in the property once you and your partner have split up will depend on your relationship status.

My partner and I are married or in a civil partnership
If you are married, even if your name is not on the tenancy agreement you automatically have a right to stay in the home even after your relationship ends, provided you are still legally married .Your rights are called 'home rights’ and can only be ended by divorce or death.

On 5 December 2005, the Civil Partnership Act 2004 came into force, allowing applicants of the same sex to apply for civil partnerships. On termination of the partnership, the parties will have the same rights to financial relief as married couples on divorce provided for in the Matrimonial Causes Act 1973."

OP posts:
funnyoldonion · 20/01/2021 16:39

If you did go for Shared Ownership would you definitely get a 5% mortgage, I thought they were phasing them out? Just something to consider

FraggleShingleBellRock · 20/01/2021 16:39

Just stop quoting the law. You have had legal advice that says that you can get rid of him. Several people that work for the housing have said you can get rid him and I did the same thing.

CHANGE THE LOCKS

And if he wants to take it to court it's not on you as your legal advice said that you could do it. But he won't take you to court as you will then divorce him and ask for half of his pension won't you?

Wanderlusto · 20/01/2021 16:44

Whats the cost to you if just changing the locks fails? The cost of locks. The gain if it succeeds? Freedom.

Do you really think he will waste time and money going through the court to get back into a home with a woman who has left him? He would look a right fool.

The police wont allow him back in either if you tell them he was abusive.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 20/01/2021 16:45

OP. bite the bullet and follow the instructions from your solicitor.

With your relationship history nobody will side with him even if he does get this to court.

Your HA will not leap to his defence.

There is no Earthly reason you should put yourself to so much trouble to get rid of him.

Channel your inner Diva and get him out.

Best of luck.