Solo lockdown and feelings of abandonment?

[wishfuldreamer]

Is anyone else struggling with this? I spent the first lockdown on my own, away from my partner. I didn't cope super well with the isolation, but I thought I was doing ok. For the november lockdown i went and stayed with him as it was a 'temporary' thing with a clear end date - but for various reasons we don't want to move in together.

obviously things aren't quite the same this time round and we can see each other - but i did not cope well with the lockdown announcement. i came home after new years and just cried for a week, and have felt out of sorts since. we hadn't planned to see each other until this coming weekend, but things were getting so bad, he popped over last night (lives in a different city). I do feel much better now, but i found it really hard to say goodbye this morning, even though we are still going to see each other at the weekend, and I'm just very emotional and cry very easily at the moment, especially around him last night and this morning.

I feel like it's a fear of abandonment, or something...I don't know really, but it's really unlike me. I've always had LAT relationships, and like my own space and being on my own. But suddenly i seem to find myself very emotionally dependent on this man and reliant on him for my well being, and I'm finding it really unsettling.

Has anyone else felt this? particularly people who did Lockdown 1 on their own?

Could it be something to do with his behaviour that is triggering this response from you?

That being said, I was single last lockdown and am very much used to it just being me. But new bf I've bubbled with for this one and when he leaves to go home I often feel down for the rest of the evening. I think its just natural really what with covid times and the dark, cold nights. And with no one else about it can feel a but like all your eggs are in one basket.

I've been debating getting a sun lamp. More exercise outside would probably help too.

Yes, I have this. Spent first lockdown on my own single and was fine (have lived alone for years with no issue) - productive, cheerful, etc. This lockdown I've bubbled with my new bf and I actually find it hard saying goodbye when he goes back to his for a few days, and feel more down and meh than I did when I was alone.

Think it's because when it was just me, I had a consistent range of emotion - not super happy or super sad - just content and plodding along. Whereas now, i get ecstatic when he's around and I have the company, I get used to having someone to cuddle or hold , get excited for ages to see him again - so when he leaves, the aloneness is very obvious, and i fall back to earth with a thud.

So yes, it does feel like emotional dependence, and it probably is But nothing wrong with that! The pandemic has shown us how important having social contact and company is for mental health, so it's perfectly natural to have your moods dictated by whether you have that person, or not. It wouldn't be like normal times when you'd have friends and family (and the office) to fill those gaps - the pandemic has forced us to choose one person for our emotional well being. So don't be hard on yourself. Lots of us feeling the same.

It's a weird time, not helped by weather, the relentlessness of lockdown and lack of certainty - almost everyone is feeling down anyway, so having to say goodbye to your support person (even if temporary) is tougher than normal. It will go back to feeling more 'normal' once it's spring and lockdowns ease.

PS: Glad it's not just me.

No, i don't think it's anything he did really. he's really good at listening to me when i'm upset, and both apologising and checking his behaviour if he's done anything to upset me. but this time, he didn't really do anything unreasonable. we had spent an awful lot of time together in the run up to christmas (nov lockdown, a huge chunk of december) which was unusual for us - and then the day i was due to leave, lockdown was announced, and we didn't know when we'd next see each other again. added to that, he's also had a lot on with work and has just moved house, so he's been super busy and not had lots of time to chat to me. but i had also retreated into my shell a bit and was avoiding him (which I think is pretty classic response to feelings of abandonment - rejecting someone so you can't be hurt).

I don't think there was anything he could have done differently - i think it's something to do with the word 'lockdown' and something that is triggered in me from last time. i'm not quite sure how to handle it, because i don't like feeling this needy and insecure, and it's definitely not his job to sort this - though he is being very supportive and listening to me, and being affirming of his feelings (and deciding to come up last night when it wasn't planned, which was exactly what I needed).

I think you're right on the exercise too - i've been quite reclusive. i went for a long walk last weekend with a friend, and felt much better after that.

Yeh I think all the staying in can get us stuck in our own heads. Get out and get some air when you can. Weather permitting. I need to take my own advice xD

@BibbityBobbety - yeah, me too! i've genuinely felt so out of control of my emotions the last few weeks, it's been really unsettling. i guess it's unsurprising in some ways - i do feel a little bit traumatised by that first lockdown - but still. it just felt so unlike me to have such an extreme reaction.