Can we get through this

[Looxxlooxx]

Trying to cut a long story short down but I was with my ex partner for 2 half years. He did some pretty terrible things to me , lying , cheating . Very young and immature and quite emotionally manipulative. We had a very messy break up which took 7 months to finally cut ties in 2019. When this happened I spent a month travelling and trying to piece my head together but my heart was broken and since then iv never moved on from him . I haven’t looked elsewhere as I had always just been in love with him . We have been split up since 2019 and I knew he would have been dating moving on with other people which is entirely up to him (obviously this breaks my heart) but he never really did make anything public. Words get around small towns so I had the impression he didn’t take me finally leaving the relationship very well and just spiralled into drink and drugs (he also lost his job) when we broke up.
I found out a year down the line in June 2020 that he was involved in some form or another with a friend . Now I know I don’t have a right to say what he does or she does but let’s be honest , if you’re heart was still squashed by him and she knew as well , I wouldn’t want to associate with her. I removed her from my life but she caused some unnecessary drama and he came around my house shouting at him to leave him alone . I had left him alone . A couple of months went by after that ordeal and another friend messaged me to say ‘I don’t know if I am doing the right thing but I’m meeting * and I just thought you should know’. This was now another person in my remit of friends /people I had gone out with , shared my stories with , who was now telling me she was actively dating the person I loved /love. They went public on social media which was a huge tear in my heart that he was actively moving on. I had to accept this fact but something deep down inside of me thought he had rushed to get with someone . He knew this person was my friend . They had nothing in common and deep down was still very crushed about this . Their relationship lasted 6 weeks from September 2020 and was instantly cut off .
In December I emailed my ex partner because it had been two years I hadn’t gotten over us and I truly believed that for me to move forward with any relief about any of it.

Let’s be realistic , being in love / loving someone is the hardest thing to ever get over . It is not like I haven’t tried . I went to Peru for heavens sake .! I stayed on my own and hiked walked for 2 years .
So I emailed him , I got it off my chest , it felt a relief . He ended up responding and being very civil. Even apologising for hurting me on his part and wishing me well for 2021 .
My birthday is Boxing Day and I received flowers and a massive card (something he’s never done before ) just pouring out his feelings .

We have spent the last few weeks talking and after two years of not speaking and having feelings still for each other . He’s being completely different . He’s being honest . Even when it’s horrible and brutal. He’s saying he knows he’s the one who messed up and he’s been miserable without me , he doesn’t want to lie to me ever again and he’s wasted 2 years when he should have done what he’s feelings deep down wanted.
Obviously it’s a big huge issue to get past with this friend he got in a relationship with. Iv asked questions about this relationship and he’s being as honest as he can. I asked if it was serious . He said ‘yes it was at the time but not something he really wanted . They just got drunk all the time. I asked if he ever said he loved her . He’s admitted that he did but never meant it . This has crushed me because we never said that for months and it means something to say it . He’s admitted they broke up because she slept with her ex but said she did him a favour because it wasn’t what he wanted . He’s just been coasting along trying to get temporary happiness because deep down he wanted me but didn’t think there would be any chance for us to get back together .

My other issue is before Christmas he was sleeping with another friend who I was close to . He admitted to it and as been saying how truly sorry he was and he has hurt me and he’s selfish and doesn’t think of anyone but himself but this friend who I actually helped her when her mum died of cancer ! He asked when he went round her house if we were friends and she did say we were abs I had helped her and he still slept with her . She’s a very lose girl as well . It’s caused so much grief because this friend knew how much I was heartbroken over my partner .

I know this is messy. I know everyone is going to be brutal but there’s thousands of people every day going through things and this is really eating me up. I loved him /love him but the friend he got in a relationship with and said he loved and stayed with makes me think they would still be together
And the one before Christmas really has shown no morals . I don’t know how he can say he had any feelings for me deep down to do that.
The other people he’s been with in our two year split is up to him but he’s saying he wants a future , kids to never hurt me again never lie again and he’s doing to the best of his ability with his phone , social media but I cannot get over the friend he told he loved and went serious with and the lose one he went with at Christmas knowing I helped her through her my dying of cancer .

Ps I realise these people are Not my Friends. Iv removed them and found out through 2020 you can really only trust the amount of people on the back of your hand . Thank you for reading this x

I need to add that he’s said for the very first time ‘he’s a disgrace , he never deserved me , he didn’t know what he had . He’s lied his way through life and it’s not me it’s him with the issues . He doesn’t want to be that person anymore and he cannot be sorry enough .

It’s very hard listening to someone say all this abs doing everything they should of done from the beginning when you wanted this person . But it’s taken all this time and it’s three associate / friends he’s messed around with and I’m humiliated and he knows the one at Christmas was closer than the other two but equally he got in a relationship with another and told her he loved her .

He's a player. He's enjoying the fact that you're still carrying a torch for him and is lapping up your attention. He'll keep you dangling as an option and sleep around whenever the opportunity presents itself.
Oh, and if you judge the girl who slept with him before Christmas as having a lack of morals, where does that leave him? You want a relationship with such an immoral man?

No he’s admitted he has had no morals he’s not thought of anyone but himself . He’s removed everyone from social media and is answering all my questions and being there for me and abs saying he knows he’s caused this. He’s told his parents that he’s involved with me again and that hasn’t gone down well with his mum and friends even though I haven’t done anything on the scale as him.
Yes I get that you saying he would leave me dangling but he’s telling his friends /family . Removing people he’s hurt me with , spending time with me talking about a future.

You have been hurt once by this man,I would stay clear !

Um, you were broken up, he could fuck and go out with whoever he liked.

And your friends, while it's not exactly the best thing to do, didn't actually do anything wrong fucking or going out with him months or years after you'd broken up.

I do wonder about why he's trawling through your friendship pool for partners.

I think you're making a mistake trying to make this work. There's a lot of messy drama here. Have you thought about some counselling for yourself?

Relationships should not be this hard.

Go no contact for a sustained period of time, move on properly and find someone who deserves you.

Have fun, life is short. He is not fun. He is pain and heartache, he will destroy you if you let him.

Mate, move house?! Get out of that small town. You badly need some perspective, life is NOT a rom com and real love feels good, strong and sustainable, and drama free.

Re design the whole thing in your head.

You’ve fed yourself (and been fed via dramatic declarations from him) this bullshit teenage narrative of the tortured and passionate love who will outlast all others, he and only he will answer your heart, two souls entwined in time and space blah blah blah but that has proven to be BALLS. People do get over it. You’re mentioning Peru, like ‘see?? I did my best, but the lurve is too strong’. Nonsense.

you’re trying to polish up something shitty but you can just go back to the shop!

If I sound harsh it’s because I was you, and I CRINGE when I think of the shit I told myself. When you’re out to dinner with your hot new man you’ll cringe too!

What she said ⬆️⬆️⬆️. I have been therr too. This isn't love and you will cringe at the drama when you are older. Loving someone should be straightforward.

You must be absolutely mad.

He didn’t even contact you to tell you he wanted you all along (yeah right.) You contacted him first.

It makes me so sad that regsrdless if you recieve a thousand replies telling you in no uncertain terms to run a mile , you will skip merrily into this train wreck thanks to the likes of twilight and it's ilk that have made this sort of emotional abuse romantic and star crossed :/

Imagine you in 30 years time. Youve raised a beautiful and intelligent daughter with much to offer in her life. And she reads your posts to you with sparkles in her eyes and hope on her heart.. I ASSURE you yours would break with dread and dismay!!

Your version paints him in such a pained abs tragic way .. Truth is he botched things you, made you out to be the bad guy with his family and from the sounds of things with your friends.

He used the sympathy gained from that to get laid. Three times. That you know if.

Then when hes drained the pool of play things ib your small town hes come back knocking on your door because perceived you as a sure thing.

Are you content with being that?

You dumped him as he was lying and cheating. Then you go off travelling, so no contact - not a bad idea. But he has a seemingly, not so bright idea, of getting your attention, by sleeping with your friends - except, unusually, it worked on you .He got the jealous reaction he wanted from you, and now you are hooked again. Somehow, I think you still have some growing up to do also, as, when you have, you will find lying cheating, drinking, drug users less attractive and you will be able to tell that words are meaningless, it's the behaviour that counts. His words and good intentions aren't worth anything, because he's already shown you he's a lier and will say and do anything that suits his needs.

This is who he is. He won't have changed. He will probably continue to be like this for the rest of his life.

If you feel you still need to get him out of your system then go for it if you must but know that it's not going to end well.