Hello people, I'm wondering if anyone can help with advice.
I have a close friend who I've known for ten years. I worked for her before I had my children. She gets very angry and unreasonable and I used to get diarhhoea before going to work!!
We became close friends though as we talked about everything together. She offered support when my relationship broke down.
My partner was alcoholic and became violent. I asked him to leave after finishing my treatment for lung cancer. He is not helping me at all, only sporaically sees his children once every blue moon. As I said during this time my friend helped me a lot and was a great listener, but there are a few things which keep going around in my mind which I can't digest.
I have had therapy since, it's going well. But for months and months now I do not want to see my friend. I have developed a total aversion to her. When she texts me hoping to meet up, I feel FURIOUS and it sends my head into a whirlwind and I can't sleep for days. The thought of her makes painful knots in my stomach.
In therapy I have learnt to listen to the bodys signals, and my therapist has said to give this friendship distance, but she (the friend) doesn't understand unfortunately. She is now going through a tough time and about to move out from living collectively with her grown up children as things are not going well with her son and daughter in law and they have asked her to leave. (constant arguments and she gets so angry and shouts).
I have realised that she is quite controlling, and through the course of our friendship she has always had difficulties taking no for an answer. I'm getting the feeling that she needs to help people, to feel validated. Last night her last text message said that 'please invite me so I can help you as it lets me feel I exist'. Quite a lot has gone wrong in my life since I've known her.
My feeling is really strong, it's caused me sleeplessness for the past year and a half, I need her to leave me alone. Isn't this awful! What do I do? Try to be nice and find time for her (no spare time as single Mum to two very lively boys who don't listen to me and no one to ever help with my kids) OR listen to my instincts?
Should I tell her how I feel!?