I need space.. Help

[Jodi7]

Hiya..
I've actually never posted on a chat before so this is a big step for me. I would really like some advice because I am torn on what I should do next.
Quick overview.
My bf and I have a beautiful 3 year girl. But he has been find it increasingly difficult to cope with her and her tantrums. I have spoken to family members about this and they all seem to believe her behaviour if perfectly normal as do I.
My boyfriend has depression and anxiety. After months and months of me begging him he has finally gone to the GPS. About this. However his mood swings are increasingly becoming a problem. To the point where I can only describe them as adult temper tantrums. Which have become his reaction to our little girls tantrums.
in which my boyfriend has throwing random items,countless times,and thrown himself on a bed like a disney princess. Now things are really coming to a head last wk he stormed out at tea time because my little girl kept asking, asking for his help. And he lost it. So left.
Today he lost his temper and took a toy who she had and throw it across the room and broke our TV and said toy.
I feel torn because I know his job is stressful atm. But I have now asked him twice to go and spend a week at his Dad house to gave us all some space. His Dad lives 20/25 miles away. He doesn't drive so I understand this would make getting to work a challenge. I did suggest he ask for a weeks holiday. For this period so he could really get some down time. And twice he's refused. In fact the only reason I got him to the GPS was because he'd said he'd go when I asked him for space.
I asked him again today. He said I can't travel atm (because of coronavirus)

I am now at the point where I feel stuck. Unsure what do next. Should I keep pushing him for space?
I am being insensitive to his health issues.?
Which I've been living which for a good 9 months now. Maybe more.

I am hugely concerned about what effect this is having on our little girl. As I know this is not a healthy improvement.
Where do I go from here.

What was the outcome of his discussions with the gps is he doing therapy, is he medicated?

There's no excuse for smashing your TV and toys. Stressful job, bullshit.

He needs to leave, or you do. Your dd deserves a safe home where she's not exposed to violence.

He doesn't sound mature enough to deal with his frustrations.

This is not an acceptable situation concerning his anger towards your child. You must protect her, him throwing items could easily have hurt you or your girl, this would not be classed as an accident.

Safety is the only acceptable course of action, as soon as possible.
Don't make light of this, you may regret it.

Thanks for the replies, I really appreciate it. you are only really confirming what I know. About the gp question. He gp advised him, to work on controlling his issues with online support and alternative solutions. Because apparently the meds would take around 3 months to start to take effect. But they did talk about meds. I wonder if he refused meds not sure. I've never heard of a treatment for this without the support of meds.

I asked him again yesterday to call the gps. Because I feel like this is not working. His attitude was that he's already been.

How do I get him to leave? To gave me the space I've asked for?.. Twice I've requested this. He's cone up with reasons / excuses to stay. I feel like he's not listening or respecting my wishes.

I have always found GPs very very quick to push medication, so I would definitely presume he turned them down. What would have been the point in them mentioning the three months to kick in otherwise. They definitely didn't say 'they take three months to kick in so it's not really worth it'.

First off, you're right to be concerned and his behaviour is totally unacceptable. Do you rent/own the house/flat? Is your aim to end the relationship? If he isn't shifting and you're really concerned I would 1. Start be contacting a solicitor to find out where you stand legally to huck him out or change the locks and 2. See if you can find temporary accommodation for your little girl. I think you need to be clear about what outcome you want - this may all sound a bit drastic bit if he's not safe then you do need to leave if he won't.

I had a similar experience with the father of my children. He couldn't cope with having a small person needing attention all the time. He would break things, shout, punch walls.. he once threw a box of knives (he is a chef) across the room at me over our children's heads. My sister and brother in law were in the room aswell. It started out with small things and I asked him to get help, he would agree but then didn't go through with it.
He needs to act quickly to get his temper under control and find coping mechanisms to achieve this. I really do hope you find a solution together. Eventually for myself he would direct his violence at me and I had to leave, taking the children far away.
Remember that you and your LO deserve happiness. There are no excuses to be violent around a small child I'm afraid xxx

Stop requesting If him & start telling him.

He broke the Tv & your child’s toy. Your child witnessed that, right? He needs to be gone, like yesterday.

Also it sounds like he declined the offer of medication.

Also 3 months is a pretty long time for an AD to start working. Am not in your country but here a doctor would usually give a 6-8 week timeframe.

What you are describing here is domestic violence. I would be contacting both Women’s Aid and The Rights of Women organisations and start firming up a plan to leave him as safely and quickly as possible. Calling the police here may also give you space away from him. Like many abusive men too, he is outright refusing to leave because he likes having you around to abuse. He will not let go of you easily but you can travel with your child to escape your domestic abuser.

He is abusive towards you and in turn your child who is becoming increasingly affected by her dad’s behaviour. She is copying him. He is not angry because he is depressed, he is depressed because he is angry. He has a problem with anger, your anger, when you rightfully call him out on his unreasonable behaviour. A GP cannot help him and he neither wants your help or support. What do you know about this man in terms of his upbringing/family background because that often gives clues.

He needs ultimately to be out of your day to day lives because he will further destroy you and your daughter here if you were to stay.

If you can go to Boots and ask for Ani they will help you as well.

Thanks again for all the advice and responses, it nice to not feel so alone., and to see it from an outsider perspective. I definitely know this is a problem, but from the responses I think I have under estimated the scale of issue.

We rent the flat. We moved here when our little girl was around 1. Before that we rented a fully furnished property. I have personally brought all the furniture, white goods, kitchen appliances, electrical equipment ect from Money I received from my grandparents after they pasted away.

Which is why I want him to move. I know these are martial things which can be replaced. But I am also thinking I like to reduce the stress on my little girl. And moving would add to that.

Yes she seen his behaviour. But she adores him. Which is making this harder. I really want him out so I can think clearly. And see what the impact of him not being here as on my little girl.

I want him to take responsibility for. Himself, his temper. I would perfer not to cut him from my little girls life. If he can get himself under control. But this needs to be done away from us.

Little children are hard-wired to love their parents. They will even sometimes fawn over the unreliable, scary one, to try to stay in favour with them. It's basic survival strategy. Unfortunately if you read it as meaning it's not that bad, you're doing her a huge disservice.

Your little girl adoring him doesn't outweigh the fact he can be terrifying to her, and the damage that does to her developing brain.

You're the adult, you need to protect her.

Your little girl is being exposed to domestic violence. If a neighbour reports you the matter will be taken out of your hands, so perhaps do what's best for your daughter now rather than wait for social services to do it for you. I presume he doesn't fling himself around at work or throw things, so he's targeting you and your child. This will not resolve itself. Ask him again to leave and get the police involved if he won't. At least speak with women's aid.

I completely understand this, i was unsure if I should call the police.. But I'll definitely be having this conversation again today.

My little girl is the most important thing in the world to me. I was more thinking about the long term, I probably wasn't clear. About allowing him to visit her down the line if he can relove these issues.
I will also contact womens aid b4 having this later on today. So I am better informed about my rights etc.
Thanks again

Your DD fears her father almost as much as you do; do not ever think she adores him. Children are hard wired anyway to love their parents no matter how abusive or toxic they are. She is profoundly being affected by her dad and is indeed now acting out accordingly. She cannot cope with this toxic environment either and the best thing you can do is to get him out of your lives.

No more talking to him. If you have conversations going forward ensure they are with Womens Aid and the Police; they could well also prove helpful to you here. This is who he is and he has no interest in resolving his issues; he refuses to take any responsibility for his actions and blames you for it all. Such men hate women, ALL of them and in particular his own mother.

If he does want to see his child going forward let him do the legwork to do so. There should be no informal arrangement made re access to your DD between you and he; it needs to be in a contact centre and again he needs to put the effort in. You may well find that he will not do so.

Go to Boots today if you can and ask for Ani; the staff there will put you in touch with domestic violence support organisations.

Okay so moving forward I wanted to thank you all for the support and much needed confidence boost you all provided And to update you all.. He is leaving 1st thing tomorrow morning. He has informed his work he needs time for personal reasons and is returning to his home town. Its such a relief. To had some input and guidance though this. Many thanks.