For those divorced with children, how often do your children see their father?

[Fr3shStart]

I'm just curious to know how often your children see their father and was this mutually agreed or did you go through the legal system?

Also how do you feel on the days that your children aren't with you? Do you worry about how they are being treated? Do you feel lonely?

I'm contemplating filing for divorce but I feel sick at the thought of my child being with my emotionally abusive and manipulative husband and his narcissist family with me not around. I've seen the damage his family have done to him and he will live with his parents if we divorce. They hate me so I just know they will all try to turn my child against me and I don't know how to deal with this.

He has ours one night during the week, every other weekend (Friday after school to Sunday evening) and half of holidays. Court ordered. I enjoy my child free time. I think your child will be better off if you are divorced than with you in an unhappy relationship. It's v likely that you will be doing the lion's share of the parenting.

The thought of my ex having the children alone was a big factor in me staying married as long as I did, and when we split it was as bad as I feared and worse to be honest (he was an alcoholic) but it was only for a short period of time then he moved to Scotland (we’re in the south east of England) and sees them once a year. People always say how hard it must be not having their dad have them for weekends etc but I’m quite happy with it!

Unfortunately as your child’s father you can’t completely eliminate his negative impact on your child but you can minimise it by not having him live with them and by modelling healthy behaviour after the split. If his family attempt to turn your child against you, the most likely outcome is that it will massively backfire and your child won’t want to see them. Loyalty to the primary care is very strong.

Abusive ex has them once every 6 weeks or so, can be 4 hours or 48 hours but it's not long enough to alarm me and I'm just happy he still bothers with them at all. It's all on his terms, he invites them over when he's got nothing better to do. Wouldn't get into a regular routine and wouldn't discuss with me.
I've grown to prefer this than a consistent every other weekend tbh.

If you don't want him having them often, then insist that he has them. If you want him to see them, say you won't allow them to see him. You can guarantee an abusive man will do the opposite just out of spite.

I divorced when DD was 7. No abuse, my husband was just a bit useless and man child’ish. He said he wanted 50:50 and I said yes. To be honest I never really expected him to do fully 50:50. She settled into having dinner with him ever Wed (I drop her to his for 5:30 when he finishes work, he drops her back at 8pm). She overnights every Friday. I drop her after his work again and he returns her Saturday to whatever time we agree (normally 10:30am). Every other weekend she stays until Sunday bedtime.

I do Drs, opticians, school stuff etc. I update him as needed. I invite him to parents evening, school plays, etc.. we work out solutions for Xmas / birthdays and tend to ask DD what she wants to do. She’s nearly 10 now so is able to have a sensible opinion.

I have a dog and when DD is away I do lot more walking (which I love), I clean so I need to do less when she is home, I watch TV she’d hate.... Pre-Covid I dated. Now I have a boyfriend of 18 months and he is my bubble so he comes for a walk, we cook, we watch TV, we used to camp and eat out...

I love my kid free time, I always have and she loves time with her Dad. It works really well.

Every weekend, mutually agreed, yes I feel lonely especially at the moment during lockdown

My DC lived exclusively with me after separation and then divorce. It was 'mutually agreed' but the court would have ordered it that way anyway.

Every other weekend. He moved about 2hrs away, so it's all that was practical. Agreed between us.

He used to see them every Saturday for about 6 hours. He hasn't seen them other than on the doorstep for 5 mins since last March.

He has them Monday & Tuesday and EOW. Works well for us. Would say that all appointments, most homework, clubs etc (in normal times) fall to me.

Mine, amicable. He is pretty chilled out, super loves his kids but really he wouldn't see them much if I didn't call and say : can u have them this weekend? I've got plans. Used to be every other weekend. With covid... it can be anything. Once every 3 weeks...less.. sporadic twice in a month... not much.

EOW Friday evening to Sunday evening.
He was an areshole for years, swaying between ignoring them and Disney Dadding, but we are pretty much settled on this agreement now.

I do not miss them when they're not here. It's two days. I do every school drop off, pick up (with the help of my mum) every bath time, teeth brush, all homework, every out of school activity.....
I enjoy the break. And it's made him a better father.

My ex and are amicable and live in the same village. He has our DD two nights a week and one night/day during the weekend. We swap and change as required.
He wasn't a great Dad at the start, nothing untoward, just hadn't ever spent time with her. But he excelled himself over time and got better.

EOW after school Friday to sunday evening and every weds night with an extra thursday night on the weekend he doesnt have them.
So 2 or 3 overnights a week.

When he was with his ex I worries about the kids as my DD hated going and used to cry all the time. Now it is better and she seems much happier to go. I love some child free time tbh and I'm normally at work as a shift worker anyway when he has them.

We split care 50/50.........

My dd is 18 now and started uni in September. I split up with her dad when she was 3. We shared care working around his job even though I was working full time to (dd stayed at her dad's usually 3 nights a week). The first couple of years were difficult he played mind games (narcissist) but we managed to continue sharing care until she was 16 although dd began to stop going to her dad's more and more as she got older. What I would say is that my dd certainly realised how life had been for me living with her dad in her early teens because she endured his mood swings and friery temper too.

Financially we were independent of each other but he has been great in directly supporting her and continues to do so.

Amicable divorce and he sees the dc eow and some extra in the holidays. He's just had them an extra 2 weeks as I put my back out, so he does step up when needed, shame he didn't do that when we were married! Have never been worried about him having them, he loves them and although he struggled massively at the start, well they were 6 months, 20 months and 6 when we split, he soon realised that looking after small children was not a piece of piss....he does alright. He now has what he's always wanted a single life, lovely job, part time girl friend and part time children. I on my free time work a little extra, chill at home, enjoy the quietness and visit friends (when allowed).

We split when the kids were young adults so different, one talks to her dad lots (obviously less seeing due to pandemic and she's at university) the other has seen him twice since the summer and never calls him/doesn't answer his calls. He's annoyed with that and I've tried but can't make her

Saturday afternoons
He went mental and insisted he wanted to take me to court for access - for his rights
I said fine you’ll get EOW and a midweek night. Which means you’ll have to provide rooms furniture lunches food entertainment wash uniforms and get them to school twice a week

Unfortunately that was far too much actual parenting for his tiny little male mind
So he refused to attend court and now sees them for 3/4 hours on a Saturday

His loss