Is this to ‘intense’ ?

[Bex19999]

Hi

I have always been wary of men who are overly keen from the start.. I am 31 with no kids and haven’t had the best rships in the past.

Guys I meet usually tend to be very very keen until we end up together and then they change and it seems the tables turn and they aren’t bothered as much.

I’ve met a guy online and he ticks every single box and I think he seems to good to be true. We haven’t met in person yet due to lockdown but have spoke a lot in the last two weeks.

When talking about how mad online dating is He’s mentioned jokes such as ‘when you fall in love with me we won’t tell ppl where we met ‘ I don’t know if comments like this are just ‘banter’ or are a bit to intense ?? I feel like it’s maybe putting me off a bit. Just to be clear they are said in jokey convos and aren’t said in a serious way.

I admit I find it hard to open up and show emotion due to past rships and when he say he enjoys talking to me I don’t really know how to react.

Has anyone met anyone online where they had these thoughts at the start but it turned out okay in the end ??

Bad not mad*

It's really intense to be speaking like this to someone you've never met. There's ever chance of their being absolutely no spark between you when you actually meet, so that sort of talk is of no use at all.

@WunWun yeah I am worried about that but due to lockdown we can’t meet or is defo be meeting him sooner rather than later

I've just put people on a back burner and said I'll get back to them when we can meet up again. Talking this much before hand is just going to make it really awkward if there's nothing there.

Back in the summer when we could meet ppl I met a guy online he seemed really nice met him after a week and he was AWFUL in person so I’m
Worried about this

I don't know. I've been speaking to someone since well before Christmas and we still haven't met yet. I've been round the block a bit OLD wise so am wary of red flags, but we have a low key, no pressure laugh and do that "when we're married with kids and have the big mansion blah blah". For us it's a joke, and we're both well aware that when we finally get to meet in person (neither of us is up for a walk in the rain ) we may not get on the same but we take things as they come.

Possibly your personalities don't match very well?

It’s hard to gauge tone without meeting somebody. Personally, and in the absence of any seriously meant declarations of you being different to all the other or the perfect woman he’d waited all his life for or whatever, I’d probably take this sort of thing as an attempt at humour - I remember when I first started talking online with DP, we were talking about a fairly trivial topic we had opposing views on and I joked, “Don’t worry - we’ll leave it for now, but I’ll probably bring it up again in four years’ time during an argument about the washing up.” Which was entirely humorous and in no way meant to convey that I actually thought we were going to be together four years later, after exchanging a few messages.

It’s good that you have your wits about you and are on alert for love-bombing. Saying that he enjoys talking to you is nice and normal at this stage. As you get to know each other better I suspect the clumsy humour will mellow - it sounds a bit like he’s trying to find a way of getting it across that he likes you and hopes for it to go somewhere without coming across as intense and creepy and the humour is meant to try and frame it like that, but not quite hitting the mark.

@Sparklfairy I do think our personalities match but I am really wary of red flags as well and kinda think everything is a red flag. I think maybe this is more of a me problem than him. I don’t feel any pressure from him at all and when I’ve asked my RL friends they say they don’t think it’s to intense and he obviously just likes talking to me. But because of my past experiences I’m looking in to everything. Yeah we are not up for the walk in the rain either tbh !

Don't take it for granted that you're BOTH well aware though! There are some weirdos out there.. if you're going to have that kind of banter beforehand you need to spell it out to them that that's all it is.

I've had similar conversations with men in the past but it definitely gave off a more creepy vibe, I think it's called future faking? If you can take it as a laugh, then do. If it genuinely "feels" off rather than your head telling you to be careful than its not really a red flag. When it's wrong, it's designed to hook you in, mess with your head and feelings. There's nothing wrong with staying alert but equally you haven't even met yet so he is probably just keeping things light, fun and jokey.

Do you video call each other OP?

If it genuinely "feels" off rather than your head telling you to be careful than its not really a red flag

Whoops, lost my way halfway through my sentence I meant listen to your gut as go whether it feels off or whether it's just light-hearted.

I think I need another coffee hopefully you know what I mean!

Bit creepy,possibly narcissistic. But without knowing him you cant know if it was just a joke. That being said...would a normal person make a joke like that, knowing it could be misinterpreted? ...I'm not so sure.

Not that I'm online dating but that is exactly the sort of joke I would make, and it really would be just a joke (aside from the underlying fact that I would of course be hoping to meet someone who would fall in love with me sooner or later!)

Truth is, you probably won't know until you meet and get a proper vibe one way or the other, sorry!