Break up & work
cheekycracker80 · 17/01/2021 10:52
Hi, I split with my husband in December last year, my decision things weren’t working out, no affection, lack of sex, didn’t talk to each other etc....
The problem I have is I work with my husband & the woman he is dating, it’s difficult I need the money for our kids, I’ve applied for various jobs but no luck, everyday I go into work & they are there, laughing, joking flirting rubbing it in my face, last week I stormed out of work only to be followed by my ex husband telling me I’m making his girlfriend feel uncomfortable!
I don’t care what they do outside of work it’s none of my concern but he just doesn’t act professionally & keep it that way.
We were together a long time it took me a lot of courage to break it off with him & try & start again on my own.
Anyone have any advice please?
MMmomDD · 17/01/2021 11:04
OP - sorry you are feeling down. When you said last December - do you meant 2020 or 2019?
It’s a tough one in a way. Of course - he should try to be a bit more respectful. However - you are the one who left him, so part of his behaviour now is probably getting back at you for that.
So - the only thing you can really do is focus on yourself and on your own healing and moving on.
If it’s been a year+ - is it maybe time to start looking around and doing a bit of dating? Just to take your mind off your ex?
cheekycracker80 · 17/01/2021 11:23
Sorry I meant December 2020 I ended our relationship
Dery · 17/01/2021 11:30
Wow - that’s really tough.
Hard as it is, try to ignore the canoodling. After all, you had the strength to end the relationship. For his own pride if nothing else, he will be frantically trying to prove to you that he’s desirable and you made a mistake ending the relationship. But you know you’ve done the right thing so just try to act as indifferent as possible.
Good luck finding another job, OP. Or fingers crossed, they will leave!
Dery · 17/01/2021 11:33
If you feel anything, maybe just feel some pity for him. In a mad way, it’s a backhanded compliment because it tells you how bothered he is that you ended it. Hence the desire to try to prove to you how desirable he is.
SaltyTootsieToes · 17/01/2021 12:14
Wow, it’s only a month or less that your broke up and he’s dating a co-worker already?
Even if it weren’t your ExDH but just another two co-workers acting unprofessionally I could see someone being uncomfortable
Is this a family business? Is this why you must work in close proximity with him? Can you physically work from home or in a different area so not having this in your face? If it isn’t a family business, are you able to ask to sit elsewhere? WFH?
Otherwise, I’d use his yelling g you that you’re making his GF uncomfortable to perhaps open a conversation that while the relationship is over between you two and at your instigation, that their behaviour is causing you to feel uncomfortable and could they act in a professional manner at work. This way, neither you nor his GF would be made to feel uncomfortable.
With that being said, are you perhaps more sensitive to their laughter and taking to each other as it’s so soon after ending the long term relationship and he’s seeing someone else, someone who is a co-worker that you both know? Or are you having niggling thought that his treatment if you (no sex, no affection, not talking to you..) was that they already had something going on?
In any event, you’re wise to be looking for another job as this doesn’t seem to be a sustainable work environment. Sorry you’re in this position. Hope you find another job soon.
cheekycracker80 · 17/01/2021 12:32
It’s a family business, I can’t WFH unfortunately it’s my only income to support my kids, I have a feeling they had been seeing each other before the split, I noticed flirting, talking, silly pranks etc plus other people noticed it as well.
When I broke it off he did actually seem relieved I had done it, we had been together 24 yrs.
seensome · 17/01/2021 12:51
I'm sorry to hear this, so insensitive of him, is it your family business? If not could you be signed off work due to stress? I hope you find another job soon.
ILoveShula · 17/01/2021 12:59
Is it your or your STBXH's business or do you work for someone else? If it is someone else, could you ask HR or mgmt to get them to tone it down?
cheekycracker80 · 17/01/2021 13:10
It’s a family business, I know they want me out, I’m trying so hard to turn up everyday & do my work, but I’m on my own there, nobody talks to me & I’m just so lonely there & at home, i try not to let my kids see me cry & put a happy face on for them as much as I can.
KirstenBlest · 17/01/2021 13:23
If it isn't a company that you own, you need advice on what constitutes constructive dismissal.
I know it is a tough time but get advice on the legal and financial side of things.
Employment threads might help.
I wish I could go in to work with you and tell your H and OW what I think of them.
cheekycracker80 · 17/01/2021 13:41
My ExDh is a director of the company along with another family member, I used to be paid a salary but now according to them I’m not part of the business anymore so I’ve been put on a timesheet & paid hourly instead just to kick me whilst I’m down!
KirstenBlest · 17/01/2021 13:51
You need advice on your employment rights. You also need a divorce solicitor's advice.
Mermaidwaves · 17/01/2021 19:07
He moved on quick didn't he? They are both being incredibly insensitive to be so blatant as you've so recently split. Definately look for another job and hard as it is, try and not let them see its bothering you as they're obviously both getting off on that. When you get a new job you can walk away with your dignity and your head held high, they deserve each other. Good luck OP!
Jumpers268 · 17/01/2021 19:44
Oh this must be horrendous for you . I definitely think you need to seek legal advice though.
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