Relationships issues

[Biba20]

Hi everyone, I would like to have your opinion on something. I have been with my boyfriend for almost 3 years, is it normal that he goes away on trip either by himself or with friends more often then he goes away with me? I know that even if you are a couple, it's still important to mantain independence and individuality but to what extent? I don't want to sound needy neither take away the freedom of enjoying a holiday but I must admit, it hurts.

So sorry OP, you need to throw this fish back in the sea. Way too much drama and problems from the start. I wouldn't ever trust him again after what he has done. Always remember when a man shows you who he is....believe him! He has shown you his true colours. I will guarantee you will be back on these boards sooner or later saying that you should have taken MN advise to stay away. Plenty of nicer men out there for you to pick and have a healthy relationship with.

There's no rules and there's no normal. Some couples spend lots of time apart, some none.

The problem is you're hurt, and you're looking for some kind of list of instructions about how to deal with it. There is no list of instructions, no right, no wrong. You have to decide whether you are happy enough to want to stay in this relationship. If too much damage has been done, it's your responsibility to say so, not the responsibility of strangers on the internet to say whether he's screwed up too much.

There's no such thing as oversensitive. You feel what you feel, and that's who you are. Respect your feelings. Respond to them.

You absolutely can pull the plug on it. He’s been a dick and disrespected you many times by cheating, you don’t have to put up with it just because he said “he’ll change”. Words are cheap and easy. Going on holiday without a partner generally is fine but that’s the least of your problems here. Why are you settling for this poor treatment?

Your update changes things entirely. There is so much wrong here. Unless your partner is very young, which he isn’t, NEVER rely on someone changing. People usually don’t change that much and there are several major red flags here. Your partner has to be right for you as they are. I think you would be much better off leaving this man behind and looking for another partner. He will bring you endless stress and heartache.

You might find Women Who Love Too Much by Robin Norwood an eye-opening read.

I agree with the other posters Biba.
Whether you call it incompatibility or lack of self control, it doesn't seem that you're suited.

You started out trying to force monogamy on to him. It's been a while since I dated admittedly but any man who wasn't keen enough on me to keep out of the knickers of other women was given short shrift and kicked into touch - however ever much I liked him.

You are causing yourself pain and heart ache with this man - you clearly have different life values - you're a teacher, he at 32 has only just got regular employment and wants to play the field- he hasn't grown up and you're thinking confetti, mortgage applications and babies. Sadly there are men out there who promised women who care for them the world and yet don't work to deliver.

You could call him a 'free spirit', I'd call him a 'fly-by-night'. You're the little woman back home whilst he goes to warm and exotic places to play around. There are few regular well paying jobs that allow that much holiday. Most people only get 4 weeks - how's he funding his travel ? Cheating, holidays without you, porn addiction and poor work ethic - too much drama.

Of course it's up to you, but I'd be dropping this one and moving on with my life

@Biba20

Please seek therapy for yourself. I too once upon a time used to think of someone loved me and I loved them then you could heal them and that you owed it to them to help them become their best versions of themselves. But now at the grand old age of 40 I have realised that these things are a matter of character. People who love you don't cheat, aren't dishonest and don't hurt you.

When people tell you who they are, believe them. Maya Angelou. This man when you were falling in love was cheating on you. Betraying your trust and engaging in behaviour that threatened your emotional and physical health and well being.

You are accepting crumbs. Throw him back and be alone until you learn boundaries and how to get rid of people who aren't good for you.