Facebook message....

[NC34567]

NC as could be outing.

DP received a FB message from his ex this morning (split up about 9 months ago and they were together about a year). The message was a screenshot of a FB post from a year ago (nothing sentimental) and just said "made me chuckle. Hope you're okay". I said it seemed fairly innocent message and I didn't mind if he replied (not that I was giving him permission or anything). He got really annoyed about that and said I was naive for thinking it was innocent and it was strange that I didn't mind him replying. He acted like I was telling him to go and have sex with her.

Anyway, my question is am I naive and strange??

Yes, I think you are right. I agree with Gannet, I think he has freaked out a bit at her being in contact and is taking it out on you. Which is wrong.

I am the same as your DP tbh, if an ex contacts me it unsettles me because it has made me unsafe in the past and if he has told her to leave him alone and he doesn't want contact, then he will be upset. People who have bad experiences get wound up when their boundaries are trampled on by the person who caused that bad experience, because it ruins their homeostasis and sense of peace. Unfortunately I think you have been in the firing line because you are there and he might have wanted your support, instead you (unintentionally and unknowingly) mught have minimised it. He prob wanted an ally in you maybe and feels annoyed as its an unmet need? Just to give a different perspective.

None of that is your problem though tbh. You are not his therapist or a mind reader though!

@Littleideasbigbook thank you, that's really helpful! Wish I'd done this post this morning haha. Been a weird day!!

He knows her quite well and knows that she’s got in touch for a reason and it isn’t to be ‘friendly’. I am glad he reacted the way he did (although he definitely could’ve put it nicer). I’d say you’re just trusting, which isn’t a bad thing! Some men would’ve took the opportunity to rekindle something.

@Mummabearofthree ah that's a lovely comment, thank you. Yeah he said a better word, rather than naive, would've been trusting. He also said it bothered him that if I'd received that message from an ex I'd have probably replied with "ahhh that was funny. Hope you're okay too" (and I would've done too). Yeah, he said we'll have to agree to disagree on it as I'm always going to be trusting (but that he knows I'd shut it down if it went the other way) and that's he's blocked her because she's a dick 😉😂.

Once another ex called him when we were together and he didn't answer and she messaged to say she felt really down and I made him call her back as I didn't want her feeling sad 🙈.

Yeah I would agree that’s she’s fishing to see if he’s still interested. Otherwise it’s super random to message your ex - no matter how innocent the message seems. She’s testing the water!

@Nyctophyllia

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@NC34567 um why are all these exes crawling out of the woodwork still trying to contact him? An ex is the last person I'd contact if I was down.

@tigerlily20 I thought so too. But by all accounts I think she'd contacted many exes by the conversation when he called her back. And in fact wasn't so much feeling down, as in need of attention.

I don't think there's enough to tell if she's fishing or not. She may be but tbh I sometimes send ex's (that weren't an acrimonious splits) the odd message to see what they're up to and say hi. I don't think there's necessarily anything in it ATM. Your partner sounds a bit of a dick though sorry.

Bit strange all these ex’s appearing out of the wood work. How long have you been together?

@Countdowntonothing that made me laugh!! Hahaha. No I live in England. I liked your comment and maybe I'm naive after all!! 😊.

@Cheeseboardandmincepies not long, 5 months. Been friends a few years though. Only the 2 exes though and honestly the phone call one wasn't even really a thing, and he wasn't shady about it. He called her back in my presence and he was perfectly friendly and said he was with me. We'd also only been together a few weeks at that point.

*not naive!!

@Nyctophyllia

She's totally fishing, I don't know you can't see that, she's trying to open up a dialogue and you gave him permission to go right ahead...he's right

How do you know this?

Drama 😩

I wouldn't like my husband talking to an ex...

And I wouldn't talk to one either, fair enough a hi bye thing in the street but if an ex messaged me I would expect they were checking out if I'm single / up for a rekindle

@MrsSmith2021

Sounds like he wants you to be jealous and insecure.

This was my thought too!

She probably was fishing but it’s weird that he got annoyed at you though? Why does he care if it doesn’t bother you? It’s like he wants you to be jealous

He gave you a hard time all day.

That's pretty childish behaviour.

He was surprised and annoyed when you were not furious and jealous over his Ex.
Maybe he was harbouring an illusion that you think so highly of him that you couldn't bear the thoughts of him talking to another woman.
Or else he wanted you to take responsibility for keeping him away from other women.
So he can say to the ex oh sorry I can't reply my gf would go nuts.