Lone parents and dating?

[Givemeabreak88]

How do other lone parents manage dating? As in you have your children full time (not spending time with their father)? Not thinking about now but for the future.. don’t want to be alone forever

Yeh that’s exactly my point, I doubt a man who sees his kids once a week/ once a fortnight would be any more understanding as they wouldn’t really get it either. So I’m not convinced by that, even my own ex when he was around and I complained about his lack of contact (wanted to take the kids to the park for an hour once a fortnight and that’s it) said he doesn’t know why I’m complaining “that’s the case for most single mums”

Sorry to hijack, my ex calls the kids each day but never has them. He's an alcoholic plus lazy too. My current partner desperately wants kids. I would have liked someone in the past who had kids but PP are right in that seeing children for a few hours each week is not the same as understanding parenting. If my ex wanted them and could control his drinking and anger, then he could have them more, but he can't!

Yep can totally relate, my ex has never bothered with the children since we split, he seen it as my job and couldn’t even commit to one hour a fortnight, that was just too much to ask for!, so yeh it’s totally not the same and I don’t think most single (nrp) dads can relate, I’m sure there are rp single dads but they are rare and tbh I wouldn’t want to date someone in that situation as we would literally never have time for each other then! It’s one of the reasons why I specified lone parents as the single mums I know date whilst their child is with the dad so again it’s hard to relate to someone who doesn’t get any time away.

@Givemeabreak88 yeh, I was in the same boat. 0% of the freedom. !00% of the responsibility.

So why I even tried to date is a mystery to me. I could have built an extension with what I paid on babysitters dating what turned out to be cowards, players and narcissists

Annoyed with my self for trying so hard to ''meet somebody''.

@Givemeabreak88 my last bf who had no kids understood the best because his sister had been single mum. He understood it through the lens of not making excuses, not rationalising his own bad behaviour, he just understood through the lens of witnessing his sister left picking up all of the slack while he x skipped off.

So yeh, a single dad will not necessarily understand, not properly because he'll have cast himself as the real victim in his own breakup.

Hi @Givemeabreak88

I'm a totally lone parent due to being widowed when pregnant with DD2.

I started dating when DD2 was 15 months (by which point DH had been gone 16 months). I actually met someone very quickly through the apps. I used evening babysitters. I never understand why everyone assumes single mums are free for coffee dates when the kids are in school - most of us are working to put food on the table!

After a number of evening dates I felt comfortable with him coming over once DC in bed. But only because my DC never came out their rooms at night, they always called for me.

The relationship lasted two years. He had 3 kids which he saw every weekend. It ended because we didn't feel strongly enough about each other to blend the kids, which would have been hugely disruptive for them.

18 months after that I met DP, after a series of awful dates! Again paid babysitting. DD1 was 8 by then so too old for me to have someone over in the evening without her being aware, so I simply warned her if she heard an extra voice I had friend over. She's used to me having friends of both genders so it wasn't an issue and just like my best female friend coming for dinner. He obviously couldn't stay over though.

At 6 months he met the kids and some time after that DD1 agreed he could stay over.

Two years later we live together. I'm now 40 BTW. I probably wouldn't seriously date a man with children again as blending children is incredibly hard and wouldn't be fair on my DC. Makes the pool very small though.

I would press pause on dating. I know we are all conditioned to believe we have a shelf life. but work on getting a more interior life ykwim.

I was just looking for another person to be a life for me 10 years ago.

Now I've realised that I"m very happy on my own doing all my own little projects.

I agree that it's a good idea to be smart with your free time as your free time is precious.

Work on making friends, not boyfriends.

Work on figuring out what you would like to do in your free time if you have any.

Thanks for the comments and advice, yes I agree with you about blending children Grobagsforever I really don’t want anymore children in the situation, perhaps if I just had one I would feel differently but with 4 the thought of anymore hmmm! Then I’m looking for a serious relationship not something casual so I would have to factor those kids into my life as well which would just be too much I think.

Tbh I’ve found a lot of single dads have a bit of a complex they get very defensive from what I’ve seen and I’m not sure I would click with someone like that, the difference being a single parent and lone parent is I do it all alone, my ex has never had my kids over night ever, not once. he has never even done a school run. He pops up once a year asks to see them and then disappears again. So I’ve never had anything from the other parent. I parent completely alone, my sister is a single mum and her kid spends every weekend at the dads so she’s free to do what she lives on the weekends. I do think a lot of people think that’s the case for single mums.

My dd is 9, she has only just started going overnight once a fortnight. I spilt from her dad before she was born and tbh I'm that engrossed in work/childcare/house that im not that fussed!! However, that said I've got a humongous itch that needs scratching 😜, but I'm hoping when this virus has buggered offt there may be some light at the end of the tunnel.

I cannot ever see myself living with a bloke he would drive me potty, but that's me. I'd want a 'you have your house and I'll have my house' kinda relationship.

Also, if it's meant to be it will work out!

I'd worry more about sorting the wheat from the chaff because there are fields of chaff out there!!!!

I wouldn’t mind living with someone, I don’t really want to have separate lives if we became serious, I would be quite happy if it came to that as I’m looking for something serious hence why if someone did move in and had kids it would mean even more kids living here one a week or fortnight or whatever which is why I’m even more against it!

Yep exactly, I knew if I didn’t mention it on here I would get the usual “can’t you just do it when the kids are at their dads” 😏 that’s been said to me a few times before