DH depression after head injury

[CargoBobbie]

I'll try and keep this as brief as possible.

DH & I have 2 DD (1&3) and I have 1 DD9 from a previous relationship.

Back in June, DH lost his job due to covid. He decided at this point he would stop working and retrain in web development at home. We had enough savings to last us a year so I was happy for him to do this.
He also starting trading crypto currency.

Everything was going great until august when he had a freak accident at home. He ended up in hospital with a fractured skull and bleeding on the brain. Thankfully, not severe enough to operate but of course absolutely terrifying that it could have killed him.

The depression hit him about 5 days after he come home from the hospital. He was very tearful, couldn't think straight, confused and very frustrated.
He tried to go straight back into his work but was very upset that he was finding it impossible. Along with the crypto trading, he felt he was making stupid decisions all the time and this was causing him significant stress because he was losing money.

This is still happening but seems to be only getting worse. His work has improved although he realises its taking him longer than before the accident but it's the trading that's getting him the most.
Constantly complaining to me about how stupid he is, how he can't do it.
We realised he had basically developed a gambling addiction so he has cut himself off and felt better for around 24 hours.
Until he transferred these feelings onto buying and selling coins so now we're back in the same position.
He speaks to me about nothing else, otherwise he's on his computer with his headphones on.

In December I started working to keep the savings topped up, so I finish at 2 and take over with the children so he can work upstairs. Just unfortunately, I have to start work at 6am but I am up most nights until 12/1am trying to calm him down and talk him round. You can imagine the toll this is taking on my own mental health. I'm exhausted.

Now we're at the point where the depression has got so bad that he is having suicidal thoughts. He feels he is trapped, he can't take his money out but he keeps failing and losing money anyway.
No matter what I say makes no difference. He is angry, he is taking the stress of everything on his own shoulders and forgets that there is two of us, not just him.
He is gutted at the thought of having to go back to his old work because he feels like he has wasted the past (almost) year but conflicted with the fact that we will very quickly need more money coming in again.

I don't know what to do or how to help him. He won't seek therapy because he says we can't afford it.
It's breaking my heart and I don't know where to turn.
I only have my Dad who is busy with his own life and his family are in Poland.

I just hope for some advice on how I can get him through this.
Thank you for reading.

@Embracelife

Unless you are a psyc hologist or trained mh prifessiknal then you cannot help him He needs professional help Look at post concussion syndrome

He has to seek professional help

Or go elsewhere

Yeah you're right, thank you.

I'll have a look at that now.

Again, I really appreciate everyone's replies, thank you!

It s hood he agreed to see doctor. Well done

Good

Ah that's great. First step complete!

I'm a consultant who looks after patients who have had brain injuries.

Ask your GP for a referral to your local neurorehabilitation service. Provision varies from area to area. Ideally he needs to be seen by a Neuropsychologist for an in depth cognitive assessment. This will be hugely helpful in identifying areas he is struggling in particularly with regards to work. If there is no Neuropsychology provision then an Occupational Therapist will be able to carry out some cognitive assessment and also help with return to work.

Brain injury recovery can be a slow process and indeed some people never get back entirely to where they were before. As a general rule most recovery occurs in the first 6 months but can continue for up to 2 years.

Fatigue can impact massively on cognitive function and mood. If you can encourage your DH to have a sleep or a rest in a quiet room with no stimulation after lunch this will be beneficial for how he manages later in the day.

I do hope you manage to get the support you need.

I can only speak of the crypto trading element - it is addictive and everyone who trades goes through the motions of wishing they had bought more, wishing they hadn't sold, wishing they had bought at a price dip - when he beats himself up about this, remind him this is the nature of crypto currency. A lot of the crypto coins are doing very well atm so this could be heightening his stress around that but remind him that his past gains are supporting your family atm! It's paid off!

Hope he recovers!

@keeponrunning85

I'm a consultant who looks after patients who have had brain injuries.

Ask your GP for a referral to your local neurorehabilitation service. Provision varies from area to area. Ideally he needs to be seen by a Neuropsychologist for an in depth cognitive assessment. This will be hugely helpful in identifying areas he is struggling in particularly with regards to work. If there is no Neuropsychology provision then an Occupational Therapist will be able to carry out some cognitive assessment and also help with return to work.

Brain injury recovery can be a slow process and indeed some people never get back entirely to where they were before. As a general rule most recovery occurs in the first 6 months but can continue for up to 2 years.

Fatigue can impact massively on cognitive function and mood. If you can encourage your DH to have a sleep or a rest in a quiet room with no stimulation after lunch this will be beneficial for how he manages later in the day.

I do hope you manage to get the support you need.

Thank you so much for your reply.

I have noted everything down that you've said and I will make sure he requests what he can from the doctor. Honestly, that's amazing advice I really appreciate it!

He likes the idea of a rest when I get in from work aswell so I'll be making sure he takes that time for himself. He has been trying meditation but not as often as he would like to be honest. It is helping though when he is doing it.
We're on the right track Now and I couldn't have done it without all of the advice so thank you! I wish I hadn't held this in for so long.

@mochapls

I can only speak of the crypto trading element - it is addictive and everyone who trades goes through the motions of wishing they had bought more, wishing they hadn't sold, wishing they had bought at a price dip - when he beats himself up about this, remind him this is the nature of crypto currency. A lot of the crypto coins are doing very well atm so this could be heightening his stress around that but remind him that his past gains are supporting your family atm! It's paid off!

Hope he recovers!

This is what I'm constantly trying to explain to him aswell. He will get it until the fog takes over again. Dips and FOMO and god knows what else.

We've just had a laugh about it which hasn't happened in a while.
For now things are looking up. I just need to hold him up for a while.

He may need a short course of anti depressants. I did following a head injury and a suicidal period. The crisis team picked up on the head injury fairly quickly, it’s common apparently. The serotonin seemed to level out and I’ve been medication free for many years. I was only on them for around 8 months.

@Keratinsmooth

He may need a short course of anti depressants. I did following a head injury and a suicidal period. The crisis team picked up on the head injury fairly quickly, it’s common apparently. The serotonin seemed to level out and I’ve been medication free for many years. I was only on them for around 8 months.

Ah ok that's good to know. I actually think he might be open to that, he did mention it himself a few weeks back. That could be an idea to maybe even him out a little to begin with. Thank you 😊

My dc slept for 19 hours a day for 3 months and had blurred vision too. Couldn't concentrate on anything. All fine now, 10 years later. We weren't offered any rehab or support, just advised to rest.
I am sure your dh will benefit from medical input.

@endofthelinefinally

My dc slept for 19 hours a day for 3 months and had blurred vision too. Couldn't concentrate on anything. All fine now, 10 years later. We weren't offered any rehab or support, just advised to rest. I am sure your dh will benefit from medical input.

I’m so glad they are doing well now.

It’s difficult when it’s not really an injury you can see to make sense of. Or even accepting that’s what it is that’s causing the issues.

I think so too, I will try and push for him to be seen by someone.

Thank you

What area of the country are you in? I work in neurorehab but you've had great responses here already. He may well be a bit more impulsive and disinhibited as a result of the head injury, so that might not be helping the crypto decisions.

Don't beat yourself up about not picking up on it - hospitals usually focus on the physical injury first and the brain can get a bit forgotten about. Headway are brilliant. Structure, routine and rest will all help. And rest means complete rest, no TV or any stimulation for his brain

@Misty9

What area of the country are you in? I work in neurorehab but you've had great responses here already. He may well be a bit more impulsive and disinhibited as a result of the head injury, so that might not be helping the crypto decisions.

Don't beat yourself up about not picking up on it - hospitals usually focus on the physical injury first and the brain can get a bit forgotten about. Headway are brilliant. Structure, routine and rest will all help. And rest means complete rest, no TV or any stimulation for his brain

I'm in Northamptonshire? I know I'm so glad I posted, I really appreciate everyone who has taken the time to reply to me.

I know it's just when someone says it to you it seems so obvious.
Yes I'll definitely make sure he gets plenty of rest. I'm trying to make sure he's eating enough at the minute because he really does look like he's wasting away. I think that's stress related more than anything though.

Looks at though he's going to leave the crypto alone for a little while. I explained how he won't be able to make rational decisions so him trying to and failing is only going to make him feel worse. I hope this sticks for a while..

He needs assessment by an neuropsychologist ideally and an assessment. If you're lucky there will be a neurorehab service in your area. The GP will be able to refer you. He needs proper assessment and rehabilitation. The risk issues need to be highlighted.

Good luck

www.nhft.nhs.uk/cbi

Thank you both, I'm noting all of this down

I am happy that we’ve helped you and happy about the consensus on the thread which I hope increases the degree of confidence he has that this has been caused by something outside him, just like if he’d broken his back

@UndyingDeathdefying

I am happy that we’ve helped you and happy about the consensus on the thread which I hope increases the degree of confidence he has that this has been caused by something outside him, just like if he’d broken his back

This is exactly what I've been trying to get through to him. I said if you'd broken your leg and 6 months later you were still struggling to walk you would go back to your doctor. This is no different. He's very much the "I'm fine" type so this is a big step for him. 🤞🏻 I'm so glad I posted.

You may find that sadly referrals aren't being processed very quickly at the moment due to the pandemic and staff being redeployed. We're not picking up anything other than urgent for now but definitely get in contact with headway in the meantime, and push for a referral regardless with the gp.

@Misty9

You may find that sadly referrals aren't being processed very quickly at the moment due to the pandemic and staff being redeployed. We're not picking up anything other than urgent for now but definitely get in contact with headway in the meantime, and push for a referral regardless with the gp.

I did think that may be the case to be honest but as long as maybe we can get some kind of ball rolling then that'll help.

We've had a really good conversation tonight and I hope that I've made him realise that he doesn't need to put so much pressure on himself. He seems lighter somehow.
We will see how it goes.

to all of you.

That sounds really positive, he's lucky to have you

@Misty9

That sounds really positive, he's lucky to have you

Thank you 🥲