Is my 8 year relationship coming to an end?

[PopThatBootyForStNick]

After 8 years together, I feel like my relationship has hit a wall. There has been plenty of talk about saving for a house, getting married and having children, saving for holiday etc but nothing seems to come of it.
We have always discussed our single and joint goal and aspirations but nothing seems to come of it. I know these things don't happen over night but I feel like my boyfriend is no longer proactive in our relationship and I'm starting to resent him. Our friends are getting married and/or having children, own houses etc. I know you should compare yourself to other but I cant help feel that after 8 years together there should he more commitment?
I no longer feel like I'm in a relationship and dont know what to do? Can this he saved?

If he is over 30 then this is him. The likelihood of him changing is very slim.

I agree with this.
And from what you writ he doesn't sound like he wants children a house etc with you.

Of course. Im sure if he wanted to get married, own a house, travel the world, have children etc he would but why stay with someone for 8 years if you didn't want to make the things you discuss a reality?

@PopThatBootyForStNick

Of course. Im sure if he wanted to get married, own a house, travel the world, have children etc he would but why stay with someone for 8 years if you didn't want to make the things you discuss a reality?

Inertia. Easy to coast in a mediocre relationship if there are no massive rows, shouting, obvious toxicity. Easy to ignore the fact that you've just gradually over time both grown apart. Cutting the cord is a big step and one that will cause hurt so if you're conflict-averse you just... don't bother.

I think this is true of you too.

You will be feeling apprehensive if it’s your first time living alone as an adult but you’re in such a great place - young, dream career, savings, ambitious and motivated. The world is at your feet. Don’t accept anything less than a man who shows you how much he loves you and wants the same important things as you.

@PopThatBootyForStNick

Of course. Im sure if he wanted to get married, own a house, travel the world, have children etc he would but why stay with someone for 8 years if you didn't want to make the things you discuss a reality?

Because he’s happy how things are OP. But you are not happy as they are, so it’s time to move on.

If having a relationship end makes you a failure then almost every adult you could meet is a failure.

Google sunk cost fallacy.

All these things can be true: that neither of you is a failure; that there have been and continue to be good aspects to your relationship, that there are not as many as there used to be, that there are not enough; that you want different things, or you dont want them together.

At only 26 you have the power now to make choices that define the rest of your life.

@PopThatBootyForStNick

Of course. Im sure if he wanted to get married, own a house, travel the world, have children etc he would but why stay with someone for 8 years if you didn't want to make the things you discuss a reality?

Have a read of this thread. www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/4135207-Are-you-the-driver

@ravenmun I guess I dont want to be the sole driver in the relationship. I want to be with someone that is equally motivated and push each other to reach our potential. Which is what we used to have and I guess why part of me wants to stay and fight for that

I’m in similar situation but we are in forties and have a child. Partner never commits to saving anything jointly. If we go on holiday he’ll never have his half so I’ll end up subbing him on my credit card then he’ll be having to pay me back etc . He never wants to discuss any future plans, says I’m nagging. I’m sick of it as we both work full time and I want to make life plans and have things to aim for. Not feel trapped and held back It’s much easier to break free if you don’t have kids .... I don’t think these men really change .

@lilybo7 I'm sorry youre going through something similar. I can only imagine how difficult it must be for you when you are raising a child

Could he be a bit of a future faker? Telling you what you want to hear to draw you in, but never had any intention of following through?

OP - you’re describing a relationship that’s run its course. It’s not a failure to end a relationship that isn’t working for you. It’s a failure to stay in one.

He’s coasting because that’s what a lot of men do. He could have children in his 40s or 50s so is under no pressure to start a family. Your flat-mate type relationship clearly suits him fine for now. And 7-8 years is a crunch point in long-term relationships. Many fail then because the partners have already shared a significant period of time together and have a strong sense of whether or not they want to make a lifelong commitment to their partner. Sounds like he’s not sure he wants that with you any more. That doesn’t make you a failure. You just don’t want the same things.

You’re only 26, OP - you’ve got plenty of time to find another partner to build a life with and have a family. You don’t love him any more and you resent him hugely. No-one’s at fault here. It really sounds like your relationship has run its course and it’s time to move on.

"I want to be with someone that is equally motivated and push each other to reach our potential. Which is what we used to have and I guess why part of me wants to stay and fight for that".

Fight for what. Its gone, never to return.

All this fight for your love stuff is just a lot of old cack, is that what you learnt about relationships when you were growing up?. He is not trying and he is mired in his own inertia, a state which hurts him as well as you. You in turn are afraid to end it because of not wanting to hurt him or be the bad one. In doing so you are prepared to hurt your own self by settling for crumbs. You no longer love him and that is the death knell for any relationship.

Separating from him is not failure but remaining with him is to both your own self and he. You're only 26 and have a lot of life left to live; do not become 27 and be with this man for whatever reason.