How do I start again?

[ShatteredBits]

Hi all. I am 50. I have had a number of gynae procedures over the last few years including tumour removal which have been stressful. My children are older and I would like to start dating again. I couldn't date previously because they were young and I was alone. But I feel sad that my body in particular certain bits is not what it was. I am going to be alive for another 20 years or so hopefully and I don't want to spend it alone but equally I am scared about anything involving the area I have had surgery on. I don't know how to move forward. Does anyone have words of advice?

I keep on starting profiles on dating sites and then going no further because I can't find a box to tick that says I'm scared of getting to know someone who will see my abdominal/worse scars. I just feel so disgusting.

Keep those insecurities to yourself. Get one dating site up and running.
Don't rush anything
Get to know them and once you feel comfortable starting a physical relationship you might feel comfortable talking about it then.
All the best

Is it starting a sexual relationship that you’re worried about?

I’d recommend seeing a women’s health physio if you can. Some specialise in post gynae survey/cancer/pelvic pain and sex. They are dotted around the country and most of them have roles within the NHS.

*post gynae surgery

Men have insecurities too. They have performance anxieties and very few men in your age group are going to have a six pack. They may have scars of their own. If it's any consolation my 19 year old son has a scarred abdomen and he's got the usual teenage worries but I dont think he ever gives those scars a second thought other than that he was lucky the cancer was found very early when he was sixteen.