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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

How do I get out?

5 replies

gege1998 · 15/01/2021 14:11

Wondering it anyone has any advice, I feel like I've got nowhere else to go for advice and even though nobody can fix the situation I'm desperately searching for a way out.

I've been with my partner for around six years now, it's been far from smooth sailing and we've had no end of problems. I love him but I can't keep taking the heart ache, I've had enough of and Litrally can't take anymore. He's not abusive but he ignores me a lot to gain control of a situation and it leaves me feeling like I'm going crazy. Going to someone you love to try and talk to them about how they've done something to upset you and they completely brick wall you and blank you, like completely he won't say a word. It sounds small but it's mental torture.

I had a really really traumatic childhood and I'm still paying off for that, I'm riddled with Chronic anxiety and many other things and I don't want my life to carry on being negative, surely I shouldn't have to spend my whole life upset and hurt?

I want out, I know I can do it for me and my girls and I can build a beautiful life for us. But that's the problem I've got I'm completely trapped.

He had to leave his job last year so we're currently getting uc, it's a joint claim the money is split and the amount I'm getting it would take an extremely long time to save enough to be able to move out with the girls, the council won't place me on a higher enough band to have a chance of getting anywhere so what do I do? I've got no friends or family to help me either.

Has anyone been in a similar situation and managed to get out?

OP posts:
Everyonetakeiteasy · 22/01/2021 01:55

Hi,
That sounds like a terrible place to be in... Unfortunately some men behave like thag but you wanting to leave is great... Most women stay and children grow up seeing this kind of behaviour..
I habe no children so can't really advise about UC either, but surely there must be a way to call and say you're breaking up with your partner and how to proceed in order to provide a roof over your children s head?
I'm also wondering if MN has a board for help with UC matters.. I'm sure others have been through the same and someone will have better advice!
Stay strong and well done for wanting to get back your life!

Lockdownisshit · 22/01/2021 04:19

Can you not kick him out telling him its over it will he not go?

dublingirl66 · 22/01/2021 04:23

Woman aid

They will talk you through your options

Please don't stay

It sounds V abusive to me

SnowedLastNight · 22/01/2021 05:00

What you describe is abuse. He is abusive.

Whose name is on the tenancy?

If it's just yours, you can ask him to leave.

category12 · 22/01/2021 05:23

You can separate in the same house and start your own claim as an individual, I think. You would need to sleep separately, so move into another bedroom, share the children's perhaps, and live essentially separately, do no cooking or laundry etc for him.

Does he have anywhere he could go? Would he be willing to move out if you broke up?

The silent treatment / stonewalling are emotionally abusive behaviours.

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