I am new here and would be grateful for advice. I have been with my child's father for 12 years. We have a 4yo DD, never married though I've made it clear many times over how important that is to me. There has been a lot of emotional abuse over the years with little apology. Over the last couple years he has worked on his anger issues and has been kinder. He is an excellent provider and father. Really a very good man overall. A few months ago I met a man online who lives couple thousand miles away. We had an instant connection. Over the months we have grown closer. He is very much what I yearn for in a partner. It is now a full blown emotional affair. My partner has never been very engaging, very much a stick in the mud. He does not want to share with me. Passions, interests, the little things. We have sex maybe once a year. It is very much like living with an old friend. Little to no romance. Anyway, this new friend has awakened all kinds of feelings in me that I had given up on feeling. I know if I leave my partner it will be a painful and difficult road ahead, especially in this tumultuous world today. But I feel we each deserve someone who loves us honestly and fully. I also know if I leave him it needs to not be for this other man. The online friend wants to come meet me, to see if we would have chemistry in person, but neither of us would want to do that while I'm in a relationship. Even though my partner does not act like a man in love I am terrified to hurt him and terrified to break up our family. Would it be erroneously selfish to follow my heart, risk causing pain and losing stability? Thank you if you made it to the end. My heart is heavy with guilt and sadness.