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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Should I stay in my relationship?

5 replies

Jfitch19 · 14/01/2021 19:59

I have been with my boyfriend for about 5 and a half years. We own a house and a dog together. He is 27 and I am 24. We seem to spend our life bickering - mostly me feeling under appreciated and him feeling I nag him. He’s very lazy and doesn’t help around the house at all. He turns everything into an argument but neither of us can ever see the other persons point of view. I convince myself I’d be happier if I ended it, and then the next day we’re best mates again. When we’re good we’re really good, we have fun, we laugh, but this usually only lasts for a few days before we’re sitting in separate rooms again not talking to each other. We don’t have sex often anymore, maybe once a month at a push and it’s always me that initiates it. He doesn’t work very hard and doesn’t make much money, so mostly I support our household financially, and when he isn’t working he mostly wants to play his ps4, rather than spend time with me. I do love him, and we’ve been through so much together. I also love his family, but I can’t help but feel like there is more to life, and one day i worry I will resent him if I stay when I’m not truly 100% happy. I don’t really talk to my friends or family about my concerns because I don’t want anyone to think badly of him. What should I do?? Advice appreciated!!

OP posts:
nimbuscloud · 14/01/2021 20:07

No you shouldn’t stay
Count your lucky stars you don’t have a child
Sell the house and go your separate ways

Rockinmomma · 14/01/2021 20:24

Oh gosh OP, you are only 24!
I believe you love him... first loves are hard to get over but sometimes love isn’t enough
You have so many years ahead of you, do you want to spend them feeling this way?
If you really really feel you want to be with him forever you have got to be honest with him, tell him everything you’ve written here. Nothing will change if you don’t and you will resent him more and more
If you want to end the relationship then do, it’ll be hard but in time you’d be happier

MrsGrindah · 14/01/2021 20:28

Google sunk cost fallacy...and then leave and live the wonderful life you have ahead of you.

user1471549213 · 14/01/2021 20:34

Please talk to your boyfriend. Without it being an argument. Explain to him what the jobs are that have to be done weekly/daily in the house, tell him you are both responsible for them and you don't want to have to feel like you are nagging him so allocate them between you (if this is what is needed) and go on from there. Tell him you feel second best to his ps4 and this is not how you want to live the rest of your life. You are giving him a chance to see how you feel in a rational discussion. If he doesnt contribute more to the household and to you then you should leave. That is a shitty life for anyone and at 24 you have so much life to live. If you were to have a child with this man (child) it sounds like you would be doing everything. My husband is amazing with the kids and everything else and having kids has tested our relationship as its damn hard work and exhausting and thankless. Being in that on your own would be horrendous. Please walk away if he can't change now he never will. You will support him for the rest of his life.

Good luck OP.

Sunflower1970 · 15/01/2021 05:25

It’s time I walk away. You are only 24 and there is so much more to life than this x

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