How do you know when you love someone?

[Worakls]

Evening!
Yes I know this is probably a ridiculous question and makes me feel about 13 again but I could do with some guidance.
I have being someone for nearly 6 months now - he's amazing in so many ways, not perfect mind, but neither am I!! He is thoughtful and kind and genuine, he makes me laugh ..
I'm pretty sure he's ready to say he loves me and I just don't know if how I feel is love. The last time I fell in love I was 19 and fell fast and hard. We married... We split 18 months ago after continuous infidelity on his part.
So here I am with someone new and it feels different. Obviously I'm not 19, I'm 37! I haven't fallen hard and fast, it's been a slow, careful burn. I feel comfortable with him, I feel safe, I feel like I can be 100% honest with him. Is this love?! Is this what it feels like when you're not a silly teenager?!
Please share your stories

We clicked,it felt natural,no dramas,shared humour,same political ethos
Easy to talk to,felt secure and valued by someone who just got me
Could imagine a whole future stretching out,kids,career,being together

There's no real definition, there's no concrete measure.

Two people could feel exactly the same level of feeling at the same time for another people and one would be sure they're in love and the other, more cautious soul, think they're not quite there yet.

Don't worry about that. It's so individual.

But 'safe' is a certainly a lovely word to pick out when describing someone. It's what my mum felt strongly about my dad when they hooked up (among other more passionate words I should add) and they're enjoying a lovely sunny retirement abroad after nearly 50 years together.

"Can be 100% honest with him" is definitely another positive. If I had to throw caution in a little I'd say make sure it's more than just finding him to be a safe harbour after your ex.

If the word feels right to you when you think about him don't stress about what us internet folk think.

*person, not people.

@NewLevelsOfTiredness thank you. Very reassuring.
". If I had to throw caution in a little I'd say make sure it's more than just finding him to be a safe harbour after your ex"... This worries me. I'd hate to hurt him, but how can I know?

I think people’s emotional thermostats are set at different levels; different people mean different things by love, and need different things from love.

Perhaps the question to ask yourself is: are you full of joy and gratitude that you’re with this man? (When I say gratitude, I mean to life, not him!) When you’re with him, are you truly you, or an acceptable polished version of you? When you think of his face, is the thought of it a rock in bad times?

When I last fell in love (with someone who’d been my best friend for years previously), I felt as though knowing him, and being with him, had expanded my life and made me a better person. I saw joy everywhere I looked. I read more, and cared more, and talked more. I felt able to be myself, not just with him, but with everyone. I loved his skin and his hair and his irritating habits (he had many of those). I wanted to spend my life with him (despite the irritating habits) and grow old next to him. It was like a kind of expansion of the soul.

And then it didn’t work. Bam. There are no guarantees.

I would describe it as that warm feeling when you look or think of them that you, I feel a physical ache too - not sexual (although that too)

Hi op...I totally understand how you feel.

I met and fell in love with my husband young. We were together mostly for 20 years and married 13 when he had an affair and we separated. I still loved him enormously when that happened.

I met someone else 17 months ago and I felt and still feel the same as you. I do love him and I know he loves me - he tells me all the time - but it's not and has never been that same all consuming, passionate love I felt for my husband.

I have told myself that that's ok though. I am not looking for the same things this time round. I don't want any more children or marriage and I don't even want to live with anyone else while my kids are at home.

We are also carrying our past experiences with us into new relationships and are more realistic as to what relationships look like and what can happen so I don't think I can ever go back to that naïve, all-trusting love I felt before after my experiences and I am guessing you are feeling the same.

I'd say if you are happy with him, he makes you feel safe and you are not feeling like you want more then maybe he is what you need right now? I know more than anyone that nothing is forever.

Are you not attracted to him sexually OP? That's what I got from your first post. For me when I met my husband it was a mixture of intense sexual attraction mixed in with me liking everything about his personality and the two of us just clicking. I've fancied men strongly before and I've met men where I really liked them and got on well but the spark was missing but I've just gone along with it. I think when you find someone that gives you both, that is a rare and special thing to find.

@Sunshineandflipflops you've expressed it all far better than me! Yes it's exactly that. It feels so different this time round, but I'm older and a huge amount wiser. Also what I'm looking for is very different too.
@MrsHugsxx yeah I am, very much so. The sex is incredible!!

With my most recent bloke, I found it very hard to admit to myself (let alone him) that I had fallen in love, as I felt that as long as I wasn’t in love I wasn’t vulnerable. To the point that, I kept saying to my friends, I really MUST NOT fall in love with this one. And they all kept saying, er, think it might be a bit late Lovely - you already have! In the end I said it to him without expecting to in a moment of mad exuberance, and only then realised it was true.......

[quote Worakls]@NewLevelsOfTiredness thank you. Very reassuring.
". If I had to throw caution in a little I'd say make sure it's more than just finding him to be a safe harbour after your ex"... This worries me. I'd hate to hurt him, but how can I know?[/quote]
Sorry I didn't reply.

If you feel you have a better sense of what you're looking for this time, and the sex is amazing, then I don't think that particular warning is a concern. :)

I'm quite guarded with my feelings, I knew for sure when his Granma passed away. I hurt so much watching him grieve, I'd have given anything to take some of that pain away from him.

I sort of feel similarly to you op but I have said it and would describe what I feel as a warm calmness. I too feel completely safe with him, but I also am still learning to trust that he loves me just for who I am. I've also tried not to over analyse it and just enjoy it

You are a better person with them.

I'd say that if you don't know, maybe it isn't love.

But that's me.