@MuckyPlucky
Hi OP. I realise I’m really late to this thread but only just discovered it whilst searching on here for similar experiences to my own.
How are things now? I’m pretty devastated today as am going through the exact same situation as you are/were. I finally snapped last night, got very tearful and left my partners in the middle of the night.
He’s messaged today confirming it’s all down to the changed dynamics following my having had a bad time of things health-wise at the beginning of the year. It’s changed the way he sees me,
and his “worry” over me has reduced his sex drive etc. It really stings that he’s refused to communicate this with me until I forced it out of him. And also stings that when I’ve needed his love most (whilst bouncing back and trying so hard to mitigate any damage I’ve caused due to my illness) he’s retreated and removed all sexual intimacy between us. I just wanted things to remain “normal” between us but I’ve obviously fucked things up via being unwell. It’s not like I’ve leaned on him much whilst I was ill, and I always made the effort to doll myself up / shave / change sheets / cook nice meals etc even when I was suicidally depressed, so I just can’t see why this has had such a negative effect on him & our sex life. I suspect he’s blame-shifting and is depressed himself (something he’d never admit to in a million years). Urgh, it’s all so complicated & messy. We’ve only been together 18months & don’t live together but have to see eachother regularly in some capacities so I just don’t know whether best to split up or work at it. I don’t want to be someone who has to be “worked at” to be fanciable- that makes me feel worthless. For background: 3 years ago I ended my 14yr sexless marriage due to the damage it was doing to my self-esteem, and here I am again (after what had been an initially amazing sexual apart between us). It’s just so, so sad. 
@muckyplucky - Just wanted to chime in as I've been on your partners side of this. My OH had a long period of ill health a few years ago, and it changed the way I saw her for a long time.
When you're in a situation when your partner becomes ill, your focus shifts naturally. They're someone you need to look after, so hugs rather than shagging. It wasn't something I was even really conscious of, I just stopped initiating.
Even after she got better, our sex life didn't return to normal. I'd gotten used to seeing her as someone more fragile than before, and when I realised what had happened I didn't know how to change it.
We ended up having a blowup argument about it. I thought I was trying to deal with it by myself, sort my own head out, after all it was my issue. But I should have talked to my partner about it before it came to a head.
Try to have a calm conversation about it, explain how you're feeling at the moment, but try not to blame him for how you're feeling. He's probably terrified he's lost his sex drive too.
For my part, I needed to know that my partner really wanted sex. She'd been ill, and we hadn't talked about it properly, so I was loathe to do anything that might be construed as pressuring her. We have the kind of relationship where I tend to initiate, so it just wasn't happening. We're fine now, but it did take a good few months following that argument to get back to anything resembling normal.