Rationship advice(first post narcissist)

[Christmashappy]

Hi ladies
Bit of advice please. Be kind this is the first time I have dipped my toe in the water after 4 years of hell and emotional abuse.
I was involved in a friendly Facebook chat with an old friend and it moved to private messages.
He was sending me photos of his pets, his home bar, randomly but frequently. I wasn't overly fussed.
But then the more I thought about it the more I thought I liked him. So I got brave and asked if he fancied a drink when rules allow, he said yes and we spoke a bit said he was off to bed and I replied the next day and day after and have had the silent treatment.
Any ideas?

I don’t understand your title? What do you mean - “first post narcissist”?

Why was he randomly sending you pictures of things that were important to him? It's not like you were dating. That to me alone suggests narcissism. Be careful he isnt more of the same.

Have you taken time to be single and reestablish your boundaries? And learn how to spot these creeps in future?

It's far too common that ppl who have been in abusive relationships jump quickly into others.

@Sssloou

I don’t understand your title? What do you mean - “first post narcissist”?

OP means her ex was a narcissist and she is just starting to think if dating again.

People are weird.

@Sssloou I posted a lot this year about my relationship with a narcissist . This is my first interaction with another guy after that relationship and I am clueless :( x

Just make sure you take the time to be single and read all you can to how to spot narcissists in future. Dont just jump at the first guy who shows you interest.

@Wanderlusto
I probably haven't had enough time. I was just excited to be feeling interested in someone else kf that makes sense at one point I thought i couldn't even think about it.
I thought he was just starting conversation, that is a good point that you have made. X

Love your own self for a change OP. Its clear you do not and your head and boundaries have been well messed with by previous abuse. You are in no fit state emotionally to embark on another relationship as you remain vulnerable to such types given your recent experience.

If you have not already done so I would suggest you look at the Freedom Programme www.freedomprogramme.co.uk/ and read Women who love too much by Dr Robin Norwood.

Yeh always be careful if you find yourself thinking 'ok but why are you sharing this with me?'. Narcissists like to over share in order to form closeness quickly. Or to get you to overshare with them in return. Of course with him being an old pal he may just have been catching you up.

Nice male attention is often what we feel we need after nasty men. But the thing is, a lot of abusers start off by lovebombing and making us feel desired. And that's one reason why a lot of people who come out of abusive relationships, end up in others. They think he us the total opposite if their ex...but really, he isnt.

If you're not ready then take the time single. You dont need a man to make you whole. Nir will it fix the pain the ex left behind. You gotta do the self work.

Besides, a few chats in and this pillock us already irritating you. It doesnt bode well.

@AttilaTheMeerkat
Thanks. I am on a waiting list for the freedom programme.
I agree I was just enjoying the attention to be honest and as brief and meaningless as it was it reminded there is more to life than the relationship I had with the narc.
I hate what he did to me. Thanks for your advice x

@Wanderlusto
Thanks i need to hear all this.
My mind is totally wrecked by the last relationship, and I have lost all sense of boundaries.
I accepted everything this guy did to me because it was easier than dealing with it.
Please tell me there are some normal ones left out there

There are a few! Though from my exp it's a 50/50 split...at best.

Though you shouldn't even be thinking about them rn. Think about you. Take some me time. I'd usually say hold off for at least a year between a toxic relationship and dating again. Two, if you can. And use the time to read various literature and watch a ton of YouTube vloggers on how to spot narcissists. Knowledge is power and all that.

@Wanderlusto
I will be nearly 42 by then, joking aside I know that is the best thing
I think a temporary distraction was a nice confidence boost and made me feel better.
I definitely need to concentrate on me. Its been a horrid few years with awful behaviour becoming normality for me x

Better to take a year or two finding some inner peace and strength n arming yourself against possible troubles than end up wasting another 4 years or more with a swine.

Nothing wrong with a good flirt! Just be careful and dont jump into anything just for the sake of it.

@Wanderlusto
Very true.
Sounds daft but he has totally changed the way I look at life in a bad way. I need to sort that. X