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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Met a guy at work

12 replies

Rainbowsandstars22 · 14/01/2021 12:57

I am a frontline worker atm and I've met a guy at work. I wasnt excepting this whatsoever. I was moved departments at the start of the UK pandemic and that's how I met him. First we were friends and now slowly it's starting to change tone. Weve been flirting in work, and then we started chatting online. More recently weve been having video chats on the weekend but then he doesnt text me very much in between. He reads the message but doesnt reply. I am not needy or clingy whatsoever and I dont want to come across that way but I am so confused. We will talk for hours on video chat, it's so lovely. We have such a good spark and both share a good sense of humour. It is Thursday today and I havent heard from him since Sunday. His shifts can change and he works hard and long hours! and he asked me out on a coffee date once this lockdown is over. I sent him two just basic hiya how are you messages since Monday and heard nothing. Its driving me crazy. My mates think hes definitely into me just bad at texting haha
Any ideas here? Last guy I was with ghosted me for a week before he told me he wasnt interested in me anymore. So I gotta be honest I'm a bit paranoid

OP posts:
unbotheredbutbewildered · 14/01/2021 13:02

I don’t want to sound harsh OP, but it sounds like he’s only interested in weekend chats because he’s bored and lonely. Asking out for a coffee date once this is over is an easy cop out at the moment given this could go on for months and nothing is definite.

I would wait to see if he responds to any other messages but I bet he’ll message after work on Friday or early Saturday. Don’t send another message and leave the ball firmly in his court!

Bluntness100 · 14/01/2021 13:06

Really double texting isn’t ok. He saw your first message and ignored you. No need to send a second

If a bloke wants to talk to you he will

I’d assume he knows you’re big into him and is flattered op, but not really willing to take if further, unless of course he gets a one night stand out of it,

seensome · 14/01/2021 13:08

Don't pin all your hopes on him, it's confusing that he wants video chats every weekend? but not responding during the week, is it him that pursues you at weekends?
I would think he doesn't want to lead you on to anything serious, that's why he doesn't want daily contact.

KarmaNoMore · 14/01/2021 13:11

Stop texting. I wouldn’t mind the chats in the weekend if I enjoyed them but I wouldn’t get excited about the prospect of anything more than a friendship until he shows that he is clearly interested (I am not sure how much if a signal is flirting if he is not interested in replying to your messages, that just seems as being flattered and playing up to your interest)

gannett · 14/01/2021 13:49

I'd rather have someone who's good at conversation than messaging than vice versa.

A lot of people just aren't glued to messaging apps and don't place much importance on basic small talk.

BornIn78 · 14/01/2021 13:53

If he was interested, you'd know about it. You wouldn't be posting on here wondering.

I'm not 100 percent on what the latest rules are, but I believe there is nothing to stop the two of you going for a walk together and taking a coffee with you.

Sounds like he just wants someone to chat to at the weekend when he hasn't got much else going on.

borntohula · 14/01/2021 13:54

@Bluntness100

Really double texting isn’t ok. He saw your first message and ignored you. No need to send a second

If a bloke wants to talk to you he will

I’d assume he knows you’re big into him and is flattered op, but not really willing to take if further, unless of course he gets a one night stand out of it,

What's all this nonsense about men disappearing once they've slept with you? This has literally never happened to me in my life! A friend of mine is really struggling with almost every guy she starts dating precisely because, for various reasons, they're NOT that into sex.
Bluntness100 · 14/01/2021 15:35

What's all this nonsense about men disappearing once they've slept with you? This has literally never happened to me in my life! A friend of mine is really struggling with almost every guy she starts dating precisely because, for various reasons, they're NOT that into sex

I think you’ve quoted the wrong person? I’ve no idea who you’re talking about saying men disappear after they’ve shagged you, but it’s clearly not in my post you’ve quoted.

[ quoted]

peak2021 · 14/01/2021 15:55

I am inclined to agree it's a chat to counter boredom nothing else.

Mummabearofthree · 14/01/2021 16:22

I think you’re reading too much into it. He flirts a bit at work and only messages on the weekends.

Don’t text him anymore. If he texts you keep it friendly, don’t come off too strong as I don’t think he reciprocates the feelings.

borntohula · 14/01/2021 17:28

@Bluntness100 well why would it be a one night stand?

Rainbowsandstars22 · 15/01/2021 04:51

Wow this thread has blown up. I think I need to give a bit of context. So this guy and me were chatting online and he was texting me daily for about 2/3 weeks and then he rung me on video. We have not slept together or anything like that, because of the rules that are in place. We were on video chat for 2 hours that first time. And we just chatted about loads of different things. Also as well, he was properly flirting with me at work and I know he was, because this was literally how anything at all started between us. He text me yesterday saying sorry that he had a lot of stuff he was sorting out at the moment but maybe for me to call another time. So I took that as he had a lot of crap on, and maybe to give him a bit of space.
Then the last video chat was a week ago now and we chatted for almost 4 hours until 1AM- talking about everything with huge smiles on our faces. I told him how I felt and he more or less agreed.
No we are not going on a socially distanced walk- we are both hospital workers so I personally take the rules very seriously. I dont think it's a cop out, because his parents work in the same hospital as us, so we have to be careful.
Having said all this, he very well might be loosing interest, so he messaged me that yesterday. I'm going to ignore it for a few days because like I said I was friends with him before at work and I dont want awkwardness at the very least.

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