He has joined my company

[Starsinyoureyes12]

I’ve name changed for this. About 15 years ago I had a fling with a colleague. We were both single and in our 20s. Nothing serious, just a bit of fun. Fast forward to now and we’ve ended up working at the same company. We are both married with children and have a great friendship at work, but when it’s just the two of us on calls it can be quite flirty. I still fancy him like mad. It’s ok at the moment because of lockdown but I’m dreading having to see him in person. I love my husband and have never even thought about this guy until he showed up on my screen! Any tips on putting this silly crush to one side and getting on with my work?

Every time you flirt you are stepping closer to the brink of future problems. Choose to step away from it instead. It'll be OK if you take the grown up route.

@Dontforgetyourbrolly

Everyone in here is so harsh ! We are all human beings after all and experience feelings , whether they are convenient or not . If you want an affair, it will be very easy to have one . If you dont , then you will have to work at being strict at keeping things professional and actively avoiding this person. Are you 100 % clear about what you want? Because that often seems to be the danger Absolutely no meeting up for coffees / chats inside or outside of work . Maybe even look at moving departments. Would this be a good time to look at other job opportunities?

Harsh? The OP is laying the groundwork to damage her children’s lives, and hurt her husband as well as herself. Her friends might not be willing to speak the truth, but at least strangers on the internet can.

The 'I'd never risk my family' when hankering after someone else is an immensely popular 'baby steps' way to an affair.

If you really mean it, then you need to take some actual action.

a) when you find your thoughts wandering to your past, note the thought and change it to something else you missed from those days. Simply do not let yourself dwell on this man. What you allow to occupy your thoughts grows in importance. Do not let this happen. Start now

b) on return in future, never be alone with him. No coffee to catch up (no matter how harmless you think it could be) or heaven forbid drinks. Socialising only in a group. No exceptions.

..and have a great friendship at work, but when it’s just the two of us on calls it can be quite flirty. I still fancy him like mad

You’re a fool to be on the verge of throwing your marriage away, you’re clearly already making it clear you fancy him.
Stupid behaviour.

This was just posted on my thread - OP you might find this useful www.careforthefamily.org.uk/family-life/couple-support/articles/the-ten-second-rule

You’re just flattered and probably bored. If you can’t respect your husband think about your poor kids. The flirting is bound to lead to sleazy sex and wrecking the lives of others. Grow up and have some principles.

"Everyone here is so harsh"
Yea but no but a lot of people have been shat on from a great height by their so called partners.
They know the pain and suffering selfish shit like this can cause!

@Raidblunner

"Everyone here is so harsh" Yea but no but a lot of people have been shat on from a great height by their so called partners. They know the pain and suffering selfish shit like this can cause!

Totally agree with you. It is harsh but if it saves someone doing some real damage to a loyal partner for some cheap thrills its worth it

Habe you told your husband about this ex and you’re now working together? And chatting?

No?

Why not do you think?

Playing with fire OP...

As pp have said, think about your family and keep things at work on a professional level. If he gets remotely flirty on the phone tell him you need to stay professional, then move on.

Set a family photo as your wallpaper on your phone, and if appropriate put a similar photo on your desk/work station. Preferably next to the phone.

Next time you have one of the calls, keep it as normal as possible, if he attempts to flirt ask how wife and children are and keep reminding yourself you WILL be jeprodisring your marriage and family unit for someone you’ve already experienced. How is that exciting (which is what most affairs stem from). You’ve been there, done that and you’d be a damn fool to go there again. It’s not worth it.

You don't stop fancying people just because you're married, it's what you do about those feelings that matters. Keep it friendly and cheery but don't overstep any boundaries. My rule of thumb is 'if I couldn't do it in front of my partner, or be happy with him reading it, then don't do it, write it or say it'

OP, this breaks people - I'm talking about your husband. Unless you're comfortable with being the person to make him cry and wrecking his ability to trust and feel comfortable in a relationship again (and he would date again) and unless you're you're happy to unnecessarily upend your kids lives for absoutely no good reason - give yourself a hard shake and knock it off.