Getting ducks in a row during a pandemic.

[Ducksneeded]

Its my birthday today and whilst in a pandemic trying to enjoy it. Home schooling 3 dc has been a challenge and dh was off today and already getting annoyed. He ended up shouting at me reducing me to tears and storming off. He then blamed me getting older when I said he always seem to find a way to get my upset on most birthdays. I ended up in a carpark crying my eyes out then going home to sleep for a bit.

I don't feel like I want to process this relationship further however with this pandemic its hard. I work part time but some evenings so would be difficult with the kids if I leave. We been married almost 7 years together for almost 11, we rent and have no savings. I'm wondering what I need to do in preparation to leave. I have family but my df has terminal cancer and my dm is his carer

He's a massive prick and it sounds like he engineered this argument to spoil your day. You say he often does this on you birthday. Does he spoil other holidays too? Or when your are feeling happy/having an easy day, does he mess it up somehow?

You may be dealing with a narcissist (npd)

Either way, getting out sounds like a good move.

Speak to citizens advice and the job centre about what benefits your be entitled to if you move. You can do it!

Could you up your hours at work , even by just a few ?
This sounds deceitful but when you get your shopping could you get a few £££s as cashback and stash it somewhere ?
As others have said contact citizens advice / go online to see where you stand benefit wise.

I'm a swimming teacher so I work afternoons and evenings. The rate of pay is good. Its mainly birthdays he was getting annoyed with the youngest playing up and took it out on me.

God that’s horrible upsetting you on your birthday tell him what a prick he is a

What are you going to do OP?

Happy Birthday

Your hubbie had 2 tasks today - help a bit with the kids, and try give you a nice day.

It's outrageous you end up sat alone in car bawling your eyes out on your birthday.

Get your name on a council housing list. A single mum and 3 kids will get you well up the waiting list. Once you have somewhere to go its a big step.

Open up a bank account in your own name, and squirrel away any money you can, even a few pounds here or there. Perhaps keep the change yourself when buying stuff.

Childcare tricky, but friends may be able to take turns, and occasionally your parents although I note the illness there.
Kids could perhaps come with you in evening and sit at side with ipads when you work.

And a couple of nights their Dad could be caring for kids while you work as presumably he'd want see them at some point. He'd also be paying a few hundred a month in maintenance perhaps.

There is always a way out. I did it 15 months ago when all the obstacles looked impossible, but look for solutions and not problems.

how did this pan out?