its like living with an extra toddler...

[cosmikdebris]

i have a 6 month old and a 312 month old.

i find myself tidying for 3. he hasnt washed his own clothes for at least a year, he wont wash up, hoover etc etc. he occasionaly picks up bits and peices from the floor or table, but thats it. i cook EVERY meal unless its a quick microwave meal, surprisingly he can do that himself! the day after i came home from hospital with our daughter, i had to clean, hoover and tidy because he hasnt touched anything for 3 days.

we've had so many "its really difficult for me to keep on top of everything, could you please please please help me out more". ive told him it makes me want to leave (which is false) but it still had no effect, which i thought it was.
theres 2 HUGE piles of dirty clothes in our bedroom, theres constantly an overflowing bin that i cant keep on top of and our house is so so dusty.

he works 3 3hr shifts a week and he works from home. im unemployed but its been so long i just cant keep on top of it all. its not just disorganised, its getting dirty now. our kitchen is gross because i dont have time to clean after cooking, our daughter tends to have a quick nap after meal times and i always have to settle her.

does anyone have any tips on encourage a 26 year old to tidy up after himself. im feeling so so overwhelmed.

It sounds extreme but personally I'd dump him. he doesn't sound like he's any good at all.
I refuse to waste my life on losers anymore.

Could part of the problem be clutter, excess clothes etc? Can you sell or give away anything you do not use? It's a hell of a lot easier to clean up when there is less stuff everywhere.

Mainly, you need to ban yourself from ever saying the phrase "help me out". Its a rubbish phrase, it assumes that work is yours that he might or might not help with. And fgs don't ask, tell "I need you to pull your weight. My back is killing me, the bins need to go out now because they are full up."

Also, you need to go on strike. Absolutely stop washing his clothes. If your back is hurting he needs to do the heavier tasks like bins. What would happen if you just said you were not cooking tonight, it's his turn?

Your life seems like hell. What are you doing with this man? I get the impression you don’t even like him?

He sounds useless, but to be fair I’m mystified why you can’t keep on top of it either, 2 adults and a baby? One baby isn’t an excuse to live in squalor 🙄
Sitting in a filthy house moaning isn’t going to clean it!
Clean the house and send him back to mummy.

I'd write out a chore list together. Who does what, when.

Monday
Tues
Wed...

Then catch up together every now and then "hey Joe, are you up to date with everything on the list? If not, I can give you an hour now?"

Sounds like he's gotten lazy and getting away with it. The more he does the more natural it will become.

Lots of praise and thank yous - treat it like training a dog.

Personally id rnd it, its not helping you out its just not doing anything for himself. Do you think he doesn't know clothes have to be washed and kitchens have to be cleaned. Of course he knows he just would rather he didn't have to do it.
Tbh I was a single parent to one child with a full time job and a large 3 bedroom house for many years and my house was never dirty. I'm not saying this in a judgy way or that it should all falcon your shoulders but if he wasn't there you would still have to empty the bins do the washing (all be it smaller amounts) and cook and clean.
I think it's 2 separate problems. I live on my own now in a smaller house but when I get home from work (b4 working from home) I spend an hour prepping dinner, and next days food, while cooking I chuck the Hoover round, clean sides down and hang up the washing I'd put in before leaving for work that morning. It's only an hour but it keeps on top of everything. If I do that day to day it means the weekly clean is easier and everything stays tidy and clean.
I know you have a baby but could you not put her in the high chair or playpen with toys for 30 minutes a day to get one room done then overall it stays clean and tidy.
Your second problem is your lazy partner, that's easily solved too.