How Do I Stop Being Bitter?

[stuckinaloopie]

Hi everyone

How does a wound of 9 months stop hurting?

I'm not sure if this is my ego but there's this ex boyfriend that treated me very awfully-- I bought him stuff and cooked and cleaned for him but he used me as a rebound. He just disappeared callously.

Still follow him on Instagram and he seems to be having the time of his life with different girls, posing with the gifts I bought for him. This evening, he posed with a book I gave him as a gift-- he had lost his copy so I ordered a new copy and customised it for him. He then tagged his new girlfriend on the picture. I don't even want the guy back but what he did to my self esteem is still eating me up; I'm in therapy but still can't open myself to anyone because I literally tremble at getting blindsided and hurt in that way again.

So many times, I've played our messaging him and asking for my stuff back but that's not me.

I want him to suffer, too. I wish there was karma. I don't even know what I'm asking for but I'm in tears right now and feel so cheated and used.

Thanks everyone.

Sounds like he is deliberately trying to irritate you. Delete and block him on everything. Nothing hurts losers like him like being ignored and forgotten.

Block, delete, treat yourself well.

Stop following him on IG for starters, you're creating a lot of your own misery by looking at his pics.

As above, stop following him. You won't heal until you do. You are rubbing salt in the wound.

Block him
Every time you see him, you’re picking at a scab and not letting the scars heal

I know it hurts but you have to let go otherwise he will drive you mad with grief, bitterness and hatred. All these things are bad for you. Tell yourself that he is not worth the pain of you making yourself ill over him.

Indulge yourself with nice things, spoil yourself, buy yourself the nice presents. He sounds like an arse so stop sniffing around his smelly bottom.

Practice some serious self-care, which isn't do what you most want to do but do what will do you the most good. Block him on everything, give yourself a set period of time per day to just think about it and then move on to doing something else. Try and keep yourself physically and mentally busy. Take some mental time out from any relationship and spend some time thinking about boundaries and why you stayed with someone who treated you so badly.
Be sure you didn't do anything wrong and any number of people would love to be with someone so nurturing and caring.
He sounds like a right twonk, you'll do much better in time.
But definitely block him.

You are opening the wound yourself by following him. How can you expect it to heal when you keep pulling it open?

I know it hurts, been there too. You really do need to be strong and not keep following him in any way, and gradually, gradually, slowly, you will heal. But YOU need to decide to put him in the past and YOU need to take the action to follow that through.

You'll never forget someone you keep thinking about.

It will pass.
Focus on what you want now and in the future. Don't make rules that are harmful only to you such as 'I will never trust anyone again.' Instead, make some guidelines for yourself and even some mini tests for future men. I remember thinking: I'll see how he treats waiting staff and taxi drivers. I'll see how he treats me when I'm ill. How does he react when I disagree with him, when I want to spend time alone or with people except him, when I feel really low or if I have a massive success? Is he irritated or threatened? Is he fair with money? Is he thoughtful about small details? Does he enjoy life - not just the highs but the everyday? Having that sort of checklist of secret trials for any man in your life is a good way of filtering out tossers and it automatically gives you fair status in a relationship because you are not constantly trying to win him or please him.

Something else that can help you heal is to honestly admit what was good about the relationship. I was in a really horrible abusive relationship for a couple of years. I still loathe that man. But he gave an enormous boost to my career when I was starting out, so I remember that and thank life that it sent him my way for a time, because he fast-tracked me. Even if the only good thing you can think of is that he taught you never to be a doormat again then that's a lesson worth learning that you can be thankful for.

I'm inclined to agree with @Wanderlusto - why else pose with that book?

Block him and continue with the counselling. He sounds cruel. While other relationships might not work out, most men are not cruel like this. Is he young? His actions smack of someone emotionally immature.

You really need to block him. Don't look at his pictures/Instagram whatever. I almost drove myself mad checking on my ex. Could see him adding loads of women and he was on there chatting all day while I was miserable and alone.
Make sure you delete voicemails, photos etc. Don't get sucked into spending hours going over and over things as you'll get false memories of how everything was amazing when it was actually a load of shit.

You are giving him the audience he craves.....the post with the book you bought and tagging another woman is so blatantly trying to annoy you it's actually embarrassing.

Take the power back and unfollow him on everything (I wouldn't actually block him as this in itself is a statement to him that his posts are upsetting you)

But yes...9 months on if you're still pouring over his posts and reading into everything you are still letting him use you, he's getting a kick out of having you see his posts and you are allowing him to still upset you.

Unfollow him because his irrelevant and pathetic life is of no interest to you now. Silly arrogant man.

Just remember you are a wonderful person and will have a much more fufulling life than him. You are kind. Its probably all superficial on social media. Imagine being him, treating someone the way he did and not being bothered about it.

I hope you stop hurting soon and find a nicer partner.

@Cam2020 @Wanderlusto unfortunately he's one of the thoughtless people I've ever come across and I doubt he thought about me at all when he posted that picture. I am not exaggerating when I say I've never ever met someone that does not think of someone else like him.
But I've unfollowed him now. Thank you

Great! Hope you start feeling better soon

Block him on everything. Don’t stop being you

So he treated you badly yet you're upset he dumped you? Why? You should be pleased to be rid of him!

And why are you following him on SM? Delete him and block him, and move on! Do things that will make you happy. Stalking him will not.

Then in your next relationship, ensure it's a bit more even - you both do chores and buy each other presents. Don't be too keen.