I need help with my sexual orientation

[Lillian4322]

Hi there.
I am a married woman and I´ve known I was pansexual since I was a kid, falling in love with people of all genders since then. I was mostly attracted to men though and would look at porn involving men (since it was an important part of my fantasies). Even though I found a girl´s body really attractive, I couldn´t look at porn involving only girls (who knows why).

Here is my issue though. Recently I have been incredibly focused on porn that only has girls. I mean, I try to avoid even seeing men genitalia on the corner, if you know what I mean.

So I´m incredibly confused for a few reasons (and this will also avoid future questions or solutions that you may already be thinking about):

• No, I am not interested in a threesome. Not MMF, MFM or anything like that. I feel like I want to focus on one woman fully. I don´t know how I feel about a FFF threesome though.
• I am not interested in an open relationship ¨so I can actually be with a girl¨. I wouldn´t feel comfortable doing that.
• No, it is not because porn with girls focuses on the girl´s pleasure. I literally just want to look at pictures of them and that is enough. I find them incredibly attractive even if they do not do anything sexual. I do have to admit though that I am incredibly frustrated sexually with my partner (straight male) but that´s a whole other issue.
• And yes, since I just mentioned my partner I actually can´t find myself being attracted to him sexually (or any other man to be honest).

I don´t know what happened... I suddenly found myself being incredibly attracted to girls and even feeling a little disgusted whenever I see male genitalia. I still love my partner so... I don´t know what´s going on?

You've lost interest in sex with your partner. So is he cool with not having sex in future? Because you cant be sleeping with someone you have no desire to sleep with. That would be disrespectful to him and to yourself.

If you want to stay with him then stop watching the porn for a start, it isn't doing you ant good. It sounds like its warping your mind rather like it dies male porn addicts. You may then either need to ask for a little space or take some time to see if you can reconnect sexually with him again. Perhaps a sex therapist as a couple even.

Overall though, if it's gone it's gone. Dont force yourself to do things you dont want or him, to stay with someone who doesn't like him in that way anymore.

Agree with above, stop watching porn. It’s messing with your head.

Secondly, you are still pansexual/bisexual and so I think the issue is simply that because you are married to a man, you have given up having sex with anyone else including other women. But while you can have sex with a man, your husband, part of you probably misses having sex with a woman and maybe thinking about marriage for life and perhaps never getting to have sex with a woman again might be bothering you.. Thus watching porn with just women to vicariously fantasise about it. You’re feeling your attraction to women very strongly because it’s something you gave up to be married. And the attraction to men is less strong, because you have a husband and can pretty much have heterosexual sex whenever you want.

So your sexual orientation hasn’t changed. You’re still you. It’s just that it can be hard to give up half your sexuality by marrying a man or a woman.

I am not sure you're being incredibly frustrated with your male partner is a whole other issue - couldn't the two things be linked?

I would also knock off the porn as it won't help you focus and sort this out. Is it that you actually want to finish up your marriage - or just that you want to find a way to express a broader sexuality within it? And if it's the latter, could you and your husband manage that - or would you have to move on? Some thinking and talking to do I guess. If you are continuing to feel tangled up then it would be worth organising some counselling so you can sort out what you want, and then talk it through with your partner.