How to proceed

[Unicornamy]

Hi ladies, just joined! I’ve been on the sidelines for months and just decided to dive in! I’d like your take on something

I met this guy on bumble almost a month ago and we get on well. He’s 52 and I’m 41. He told me he’s 50 but I snooped around a bit and found he was 2 years older . I really don’t mind this as I like older men- my ex is the same age.

My issue is he goes quiet for over 24-48 hours. We are in a bubble and don’t live so far for each other. We had a nice long walk on Saturday and met for takeaway coffee on Sunday morning. We chatted a bit on Monday evening but now he’s gone quiet. He hasn’t responded to my messages or call.

Bear in mind, he has done this before during Christmas/new year where he went quiet for a couple of days, and when I asked if I was being ghosted, he popped back up to say he’s had a busy couple of days etc.

He keeps saying that he likes me and wants a relationship with me, makes comments that make me think he thinks we’ll be together for a while e.g. ‘we should plan a trip to .... for when lockdown is over’, We can book a spa break in Bath when lockdown is over etc.

So I don’t understand why he’s not communicating. Is this how men are? I bet he will come back up with some reason why he’s been quiet. I’ve witnessed first hand how his mate called and accused him of ignoring his messages from 2 days ago. I’ve also witnessed him seeing a call come through from his cousin and he just let it ring out saying ‘I’ll call him later’ (not sure if he actually called back!) but surely if you’re trying to forge a relationship with someone, it should be different?!

Also at what stage should you move from just dating to actually being boyfriend and girlfriend? What’s the cut off point/timeline. I really don’t want to waste my time, as we are exclusively dating each other.

Has anyone had such an experience? How was it handled? I’d like your opinions x

If he liked you that much he wouldn't keep you waiting days without contact especially when it's meant to be all exciting and new, sure people put off a friend or cousin but a woman he fancies, no! When a man wants a woman, he keeps in contact to make sure he's got your interest over other potential men.
I think either he's not sure about you or he's dating someone else and he's confused. Don't get too hopeful about bf/gf and for me personally they wouldn't be getting any sex until relationship status about a month in, obviously with lockdown this may have an effect.

A month?

Even that he lied about his age is a red flag, what other 'small lies' are there.
Be careful with this one

This is not how men are. Get rid.

@seensome I think so too- we should still be in the exciting stages. I don’t think he’s dating anyone else, but he’s probably not sure.
It’s confusing because we have a good time when we are together, we chat and speak on phone continuously for a couple of days afterwards and then silence. I know for a fact that he’s fit and well so I won’t be calling/messaging anymore if he doesn’t respond.

I'm torn between: theres no need to be texting every day with someone who isn't even your partner, it's a bit full on. And it is rude of him to just vanish without response though tbf.

How many dates have you actually been on? I would expect somewhere between one month and two for it to become official but that's in pre covid times where you would probably have had at least 6 dates.

If you're feeling this insecure already AND he has lied to you (presumably continuously if he still hasn't come clean about his real age) then I'm not sure you should be pursuing this op. It sounds a bit 'any port in a storm'.

But if you must continue...then confront him (gently) about the age thing and see how he reacts. And flat out tell him that you find it a bit off putting that he vanishes for days at a time as it's a little disrespectful. If he doesnt buck up his behaviour...then boost on out of there.

We have been on about 6 dates and planned a walk for the coming weekend. I’ve been to his in the beginning when lockdown was sort of lifted. He has picked me up from mine when we planned to meet so he knows where I live.
Yes I think I’ll raise the age thing in a gentle way as you suggest. I’m not overly mad about that cos on dating apps, men sort of do that. The difference here is that he hasn’t come out with the truth which makes me feel like he doesn’t want to pursue a LT relationship with me as he has said on various occasions. Why does it have to be so hard?!!

The thing is, it shouldn't be hard. 6 dates in and he is already causing you stress. Why do you think it would be any better if he was your bf? It sounds like if anything, the whole thing would be a miscommunication nightmare.