I finally did it but he won’t accept it’s over

[LifeIsNoPicnic]

Hi everyone,

I’ve been in an emotionally abusive relationship for a number of years now, I finally bit the bullet and finished with my partner in October, unfortunately he’s still in our house (we own it together). I have a grown up son and a 5 year old daughter.

He makes excuses about having nowhere to go, he’s still manipulating, gaslighting, projecting, guilt tripping, you name it. I’m really struggling to deal with this as he has also been saying things to our daughter, she now says I’m being mean to daddy and I’m making him go then I constantly get the “look what you’re doing to our family” remark. She doesn’t understand and I’ve tried to keep her out of it as much as possible.

I have already tried to get him to realise what he was like and we split in September 19 but I stupidly gave in. I just can’t do this anymore. I’ve told him I don’t love him and resent him for everything. He’s so desperate he’s trying to prove that he now gets how he was and is getting help. I just don’t want him anymore, am I being selfish? He tells me it’s all what I want and he’s losing it all. I did explain that it was his behaviour that ended this relationship but again he throws it back at me, tells me I’m a hard bitch now, er no I’m standing up for myself. When he realises I’m serious he goes out and disappears for the day but when he comes back it’s like a voice in his head tells him to keep trying and he assumes we’re back on, if I remind him we’re not he gets nasty.

He keeps telling me he’s changing and he’s had counselling and he wants us to try again, tells me he can’t bear another man touching me or bringing up our daughter then basically tells me I won’t cope alone. He’s 50 now so he says he can’t start over as he’s too old, he is literally begging but I’ve stood my ground, what’s the next step? I can’t afford to buy him out so I’d have to sell and then rent but he’s doing what he can to drag my name through mud and stop me.

My friends have been great but I don’t like to badger them over it. I’m stuck and my anxiety is sky high right now as also working from home.

Any advice is appreciated thank you 😘

If he won't go along with the sale you need to see a solicitor asap.

Op I posted on a thread earlier as in very similar situation except I only told h yesterday it's over and I want him to leave.
All due to years of him making stupid decisions financially resulting in him being tight and selfish within the marriage and recently being so stupid he's just lost his job again due to his own actions.

It's the straw that broke this camels back.

We've had ups and downs over the years and a few years ago he moved out for a few months and I now kick myself that he gaslighted me just as I was finding my feet which he could obviously see and ended up back here.

I've wasted far too long bending over backwards and compromising all the time and this time I've lost all respect I had left for him.

He said something earlier implying WE could do such and such and I just looked at him wide eyed and asked if he'd actually listened to what I'd said the day before or did he just think I didn't mean it. I'd also text him earlier to remind him he needs to start looking for somewhere to live because it's not fair on the dc and it's the least he can do.

He looked govsmacked when I repeated we wernt staying together anymore,that I'm not putting myself on the back burner and having to sort out his fuck ups anymore. He asked if I'm sure and is that it and I said yes very directly. He got up and walked off.

These men don't like not getting their own way and I'm ready for it to get a lot harder before he does eventually leave but I'm standing my ground this time.
I should have gone with my gut last time and I didn't. I'm not letting this opportunity pass a again

It's awful to hear about these horrendous men!

I split up from my nasty ex 15m ago am still under the same roof as he is refusing to sell the house (we are not married so he has no legal right to do this).

Again, he has lied, manipulated, gaslighting etc. Tried mediation - a complete waste of time. He made false allegations to his solicitor about me.

He has refused to move out & is making ridiculously low offers to buy me out, hoping I'll be desperate enough to accept.

I'm a low earner & cannot afford to rent; I need a decent settlement to buy round here.

So be prepared for a long road ahead, and steel yourself for an escalation of abusive behaviour.

Stay strong!!

PS I spoke to woman's aid & the police too - his behaviour is unfortunately not illegal (just a "prick" as the police officer called him)

Woman's aid said it was controlling behaviour but the police said that there wasn't enough to charge him with.