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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I think I've got this all wrong..

5 replies

Confuzled24 · 12/01/2021 23:10

I've been going walks, and enjoying the company and random chit chat with a guy over the last month. We had been acknowledging one another, which led to quick 5 min chat in passing over time, when out walking over the last few months, and asked me out for a cuppa, pre-lockdown, to which I said would be nice. We had a handful of dates - socially distanced walk/cuppa - and I was unsure whether to proceed with regards to dating. One reason was I felt very cautious having not dated for a fair while and was unsure of how I felt about dating him as I wasn't feeling physically attracted to him, but I did feel a connection. The other reason was I was unsure what I felt able to offer due to the situation with my son (15yr old with fairly complex mental health difficulties). I explained the situation re my son to him, and I asked to take things slowly and see how it goes be that friendship or maybe something more to which he agreed.

I took things a step at a time, and I thought very carefully about things and my feelings towards him. We went for a walk last week and he asked me how I felt things were going. I thanked him for being so patient and understanding with me over the last few weeks. I explained that my situation at home with my son is somewhat complex and unpredictable, meaning that with time constraints, lack of respite, support etc and friendship is all I realistically feel able to offer. I told him that I enjoy his company and value the friendship we have developed, and would very much like that to continue, and hoped that he would like that too. He said that he understood and was happy to be friends as he enjoys my company too.

I feel glad that we can continue to enjoy one another's company and our friendship, but I'm worried that he is still hoping for more than friendship. He's a nice chap but friendship is all I'm feel comfortable offering. I'm realise that I am not in a position to embark on a relationship and I although I feel we have a good connection and we chatter away about all sorts of things, I don't feel romantically/physically attracted to him, hence why I felt more comfortable in offering friendship. I'm just not sure if I've made that clear enough though with how I worded things?

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 12/01/2021 23:13

It sounds as though you've made it really clear. You don't fancy him and you haven't space for anyone in your life right now - you said this and he accepted it and said he'd like to stay friends.

Palavah · 12/01/2021 23:16

I agree with @Hollowtalk

pumpkinpie01 · 13/01/2021 07:10

I think you have made it very clear , just relax and enjoy the fact you get on so well.

BeanieB2020 · 13/01/2021 07:15

I think you've made it clear, and hopefully he wants to be your friend too. Friendships can be so much more meaningful and enduring than relationships and we're lucky when we find genuine friends.

Confuzled24 · 13/01/2021 19:29

Thanks all for your replies, it's most helpful to have others points of view. Much appreciated :-)

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