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Relationships

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Is this friendship love or real love?

1 reply

Blondenotbombs · 12/01/2021 18:20

I have had a niggling thought recently that I can’t seem to get out of my head.

It started with wondering if I was happy in my marriage, I realised I was not.

DH has said I seem unhappy, and I have begun to notice even small things - like avoiding brushing past him if we are in our small kitchen...

I realised that I love his company (when he’s not being a miserable arse) and think he’s a great dad.....

But I’m not sure I’m ‘in love’ anymore.
At the same time, the idea of not having him in my life as close as we are terrifies me. I value him as a person and as a friend. So as not to drip feed - we were best friends for many years before we began a relationship, and had a child quite early on.

I had cold feet before the wedding but craved stability and security after several losses in my close family, and now realise I wasn’t in the right frame of mind when we did tie the knot.

There’s no passion, and to be honest I’m not sure there ever was. I never felt swept off my feet, or particularly affectionate other than pecking kisses and hugs, and I like to be cuddled up - but I would do this with him as a friend too!

When we are intimate I do struggle to ‘get there’ not that he does anything wrong in that way he is brilliant and I think maybe I can be cold and hard to read ..... but still? Am I missing out on true passionate love, just for safe secure love?

Has anyone ever felt like this and managed to keep a good relationship with their husband after?
Is this something that can be fixed or should I give him the chance to find someone who also wants to sweep him off his feet!

I just feel a bit restless and wonder if this is an actual issue or if it’s just lockdown overthinking 🙈

Thankyou

OP posts:
Suzi888 · 12/01/2021 18:33

Two things you’ve said stand out to me:
“like avoiding brushing past him if we are in our small kitchen.” “ I had cold feet before the wedding but craved stability and security after several losses in my close family”

I think you’ve married your best friend, were you ever really lovers? You’ve never had that passion or excitement that normally comes with a relationship and you seem to be craving that.
If you feel the need to avoid brushing past him in the kitchen, I struggle to comprehend how you have relations with him in the bedroom Confused.

It depends if you are happy to settle for this safe and secure relationship or if you really want to experience the excitement. If my DH described our relationship the way you have I’d want to know, so that I could exit state left! I’d be mortified!

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