4/5

[NewYear2021]

Hey there looking for some advice please! I’ve had many years of crap relationships, utterly crap, abusive etc.

I’ve recently met a man (Socially distanced) a few times. He ticks all the boxes except any feelings of ‘I want to rip your clothes off’. This is so incredibly shallow but he’s ok looking at best and very short. This sounds awful and I’m ashamed I’m writing it, but would you pursue or just call it a day?

I’ve dated people where I’ve been attracted to their personality over looks before, but it’s fizzled and the ones who are ‘yes’ have hurt me.

I’m lonely and bored but really don’t want to end up hurting someone who seems incredibly genuine. Any similar experiences?

If you're not physically/sexually attracted to someone, you're just not, and it's not shallow at all. Attraction may grow, it may not, as you well know. You just have to decide if you want to give this relationship a chance.

I think attraction can grow. I didn’t have the instant clothes ripping urge with DH but we’ve been together 10 years and I wouldn’t change a thing.

Obviously don’t do anything you’re not comfortable with, but if everything else is right I would give it a chance for the attraction to grow.

But if you feel actively icky about it, then it’s not going to change though.

My husband would probably fall in the category of nice, shy, not a candidate for the Navy Seals Tec. He's just a nice man who loves me, treats me as an equal and will help me achieve my goals. Any major issues have come from me. Any relationship that you want to last takes effort.

You need to assess what you want in a relationship, perhaps you enjoy the excitement of cheap abusive relationships, some seem to.

Only you know

Bah! Auto text

If the sparks feelings don't develop after a while, please at least be honest with him about it, and don't trap him thinking things are one way when they aren't. Let him have the opportunity to find someone who feels the sparks for him if he wants.