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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

fallen in love with someone i can't have

46 replies

breakingheart · 27/10/2007 14:25

I'm howling and crying here because I have fallen in love with someone I can't have. He is my best friend, but he is in a relationship. I have told him this morning that I can't have any contact with him for the forseeable future because it is just hurting me too much.

I have no-one to turn to in RL about this because I can't trust any of my other friends to keep it a secret.

Please someone help me get over this guy. I didn't want to fall in love with him, and i've pushed my feelings away so long about this, but today it has all overwhelmed me. I feel like i'm dying right now......

OP posts:

Original poster

breakingheart · 27/10/2007 19:15

I know our friendship will never be the same, but I can't contemplate no friendship at all with him
I know at the moment this is all so raw for me.....i don't think i'll sleep tonight, and so tomorrow will be hard too because I will be tired.
In every hard situation in my life it was him that i turned to, and now i feel utterly alone dealing with this. I want to phone him so badly just to hear his voice....and I know I can't.

OP posts:

kimibobbingforapples · 27/10/2007 19:19

oh you poor woman, have a glass of wine or two before bedtime see if that helps you sleep.

Also I am sure there will be mumsnetters about all night due to times in other places.

Original poster

breakingheart · 27/10/2007 19:43

He just sent me a text saying whatever happens we will work it out and will always have a friendship whatever form it takes. Somehow that has made me feel much calmer.
I'm finishing off a bottle of wine I started last night and am going to watch an upbeat DVD in bed to cheer myself up.
Thankyou very much for helping me deal with this.

OP posts:

CantSleepWontSleep · 27/10/2007 21:20

GarrottedbyElasticband · 27/10/2007 21:23

i'm so sorry for you.
were you hoping for a relationship?
or just got too close?

Original poster

breakingheart · 27/10/2007 21:41

I don't know what i was hoping for. I think because he is attached I didn't let my imagination run away with me. I know I love him, I know I can't have him so i am walking away until (if) I feel ready to put our friendship back together.
I hope I can work through this and be his friend again, because being part of his life as a friend has so far been a wonderful experience, and even a small amount of that in my life would be great.

OP posts:

kimibobbingforapples · 27/10/2007 23:38

Hi cantsleep, tis I, Sorry I meant to say I can't make the meet up Sorry if I have held things up. xx

CantSleepWontSleep · 28/10/2007 10:20

No no, you haven't held things up - just a list of 'questionable' attendees! Do you know if bluesarahjayne is pulling out too?

Original poster

breakingheart · 28/10/2007 10:41

I feel much better this morning having slept on it.

God, grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
the courage to change the things I can;
and the wisdom to know the difference.

An internet friend sent me that yesterday, and it is something my Grandma used to say to me.....it has helped me to cope with it.
I am feeling much stronger about this. I guess it's easier to accept and move on from because there is no chance of anything happening between us. I'm going to fill the space he has left with other friends until i feel strong enough to get our friendship back on track.

OP posts:

NoNameToday · 28/10/2007 11:13

Many years ago a friend had this poem printed out and pinned up in her kitchen.

I never asked her why she kept it, maybe she could identify with the feelings of the anonymous author, strangely, the words have remained in my head.

I mustn?t say I love you?re someone else man
I mustn?t run to kiss you but that other person can
I mustn?t let my eyes light up when someone speaks your name
You don?t belong to me but I get jealous just the same

I only have to see you and that hopeful feeling soars
But you?re someone else?s darling and that someone else is yours
I know I must forget you but that?s easier said than done
Goodbye my love be happy with your lucky chosen one

Original poster

breakingheart · 28/10/2007 11:17

That poem is just how i feel

I am happy that he sorting his issues with his fiance out. More than anything I want him to be happy. I hope there is someone just round the corner who will sweep me off my feet so I can forget about him.

OP posts:

NoNameToday · 28/10/2007 11:20

I hope things work out for you breakingheart, give yourself time and love yourself a little.

kimibobbingforapples · 29/10/2007 06:46

How are you feeling today?

Original poster

breakingheart · 29/10/2007 09:07

I'm feeling much better today thankyou kimi. I've been really thinking about lots of things, and am realising how ridiculous this all is. I am happy on my own for the time being, I think I was feeling very lonely and these feelings for my friend got out of control. Having some space away from him is helping very much, I can see a future where our friendship (although never the same) can continue.
Being around other friends has made me realise that i we relied very heavily on our friendship. I think if we can learn to rely on other friends as well as each other it will be less intense of a friendship.
It's such a long time to be friends with someone, and to go through so many life changing events which i guess a lot of people go through with a partner, maybe i confused the boundaries of our friendship?

OP posts:

Dior · 29/10/2007 09:24

Message withdrawn

lilospell · 29/10/2007 09:33

I really feel for you breakingheart. I fell in love with my best friend at university, but he was already in a relationship with someone he eventually married and many years on they are still together. It is really painful, I know, and this will sound really naff, but time does heal. Doesn't help while you are waiting for the pain to go away though! Try to meet some new people, take up some new hobbies, keep yourself busy so you're distracted, and it will help the time pass more quickly. I bought a poster back then which said: "if you love someone, set them free. If they come back to you, they're yours to keep. If not, it was never meant to be". That was my mantra for a good few months. The good thing that came out of the situation for me was that I had much higher expectations of my own relationships. I ended a few relationships because I didn't feel as strongly for them as I had for that guy, nor was I as close to them as i was to him. When I met my DH, I knew very quickly that "he was the one", and never looked back. I really believe I have a stronger, happier memory thanks to the relationship that never was.

kimisparkles · 02/11/2007 15:43

How's it going?

Hope you are ok.

Giana · 04/11/2007 16:39

Breakingheart, I feel for you, so I have to reply.

The ball is in his court. You confessed your feelings to him, so its up to him to decide if the feeling is mutual or not.

If he doesn't feel the same you will be able to get over him because if love is not reciprocated, well, basically, you don't have much choice, tbh.

You probably confessed in the hope he feels the same .....? No-one could blame you for that. Its very hard to be in love with someone from afar.

As another poster said, if its meant to be, it will be. If not, you will be able to move on ..... eventually.

My fingers are crossed for you xxx

lilolilmanchester · 04/11/2007 20:53

My fingers crossed for you too breakingheart. Just looked in to see how you're going, but no update. Post if/when you can.

Bigheart1 · 03/12/2018 16:51

Evening all

Here goes I've falling in love with a amazing man who I would do anything for. We get on so well when we are together and have such a close bond the only problem is he is married. I'm finding that I'm feeling very down and very emotional when we aren't together. Just don't know how to deal with it

SeeMoreStars · 03/12/2018 17:46

This is a zombie thread. Better to start your own. He is not an amazing (god that word is bandied about so much on here it ceases to have meaning for me) man if he is married yet dicking about with you. Pick your self esteem off the floor and end it. He is MARRIED. If he left her and came to you then, I would not want him as I would know he was capable of being a cheat.

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