How do you choose a counsellor or know what type to go for?

[BearandaSpare]

I've come to the conclusion I really need to talk to someone but I've no idea where to start. I've got a lot of past issues I need to address but I don't just want to talk about them while someone nods and says 'and how did that make you feel?' I need something more proactive.

choose an accredited therapist rather than a vague counsellor- I like humanistic therapy but it's worth doing a bit of research on the different approaches to see what might suit.

Put simply, Cbt is great for correcting negative behaviour of mind patterns, and has a defined amount of time to do so, usually under 12 weeks. It will teach you coping mechanisms and is the ' proactive' therapy if you will.
Humanistic is more of a client led therapy, it's focussed on you, how you feel and you' fixing yourself' kind of thing
Nlp is a mix of them both really. Do check they're bacp registered. Do get a feel for them as well--if you don't trust your therapist, or don't get on with them, it won't work

Before you look at paying someone, it’s probably worth trying NHS taking therapies first.
Google IAPT (improving access to psychological therapies) in your local area and self refer.

I Think CBT is good for younger people or maybe people with social difficulties. So I would say go for traditional humanist. I've had a lot of experience with therapists. 4 really good ones and 6 whom didn't suit or whom I thought were a bit under par - these I ceased seeing quickly. It's important that you don't waste time on someone that doesn't work for you, there are a lot of indifferent ones out there. Don't assume that just because they are registered or certified or whatever that it means they are good or right for you. You'll be spending a fair amount of money so shop around.

my bad ones:

The young NHS therapist who said sorry about the coke can and crisps on the table as she'd "just had her breakfast"

The horrible Marriage guidance male therapist who deviated to talking about clients who made complaints and that it was usually someone who "had been dumped"

The highly strung one who tried to enforce her 'tapping therapy' beliefs on me.

The one who would meander off on tangents telling me stories about her life. She was very nice but that is not what I pay for.

The good ones though, I will always be grateful for. I agree - someone who is proactive is what you want, but there will always be a fair amount of examining your feelings. The first one I ever had when I was about 30 was almost silent. I always thought she was good, but looking back I think I needed more sign posting. I had one who was very challenging - which I needed at the time.

Hi @BearandaSpare can you ask any friends about their counsellors/therapists? It can help you to avoid the crap ones from my experience, if nothing else.
I went for someone local with an interesting relevant bio. She's been fabulous, but there was an element of luck involved.

It's difficult but as a starting point choose someone who went to university to study and has always worked as a counsellor or within that profession

Avoid at all costs middle aged women who have got divorced and done an online counselling course to earn a bit of money because her friends all say "she's a good listener".

In essense then, check their background

All my therapists have been NHS/local authority ie free-to-me. No choice about who I was given. But by one or two sessions in, I'd assessed them and worked out what we could usefully talk about.

M, my first, was obsessed with unearthing child sexual abuse. I didn't have any, so had to keep her focused elsewhere.

G, once a week for five months, heard everything about my mother. I think of G often and am grateful to her.

The two most recent were the most obviously effective - a senior psychological therapist and a researcher working on a specific health issue.

It can work well of you don't expect a single therapist to be able to address all your issues. The effects are cumulative.

I looked on the BACP website, searched for people in my area, read through their profiles and websites to get a feel for them. I contacted 3-4 who I thought sounded like they would be a good fit for me (they looked professional, I liked the style of what they wrote about how they work, some specialised in areas I felt would fit what I needed). I set up a phone initial consultation (free), one of them was really clearly someone I found easy to talk to and felt comfortable with. She also had specific training in working with people with particular sorts of issues that I thought would be an advantage. The other was fine, but she was just really shifty about her availability and just made it clear she was really very busy. I felt that it made more sense to go with someone I felt comfortable with who wouldn't be so difficult to book with.

Thanks this is really helpful - I’ve had some experience of CBT as my daughter had it and I don’t think it’s quite what I need but I like the idea of combining it with something else. The comment about divorced middle aged women made me laugh, there seem to be quite a few of them!