Is it really childish to worry who texts first?

[GeekyGirl42]

I am dating, it's very early on. Since about November, we've been in daily text contact. As she's got more important to me, I've started to worry that I should be careful not to be the one who always texts first. I find I'm not always the one that texts first, but often I am, and the only time I'm not is because I specifically held off. Whenever I do text, she replies quite quickly and we have a nice conversation and she's as engaged in it as I am.

So, I'm telling myself to stop being so silly and that wondering about this is childish score keeping. Thoughts?

It's a good sign that she texts back quickly, that shows interest, could it be that she is less confident and more shy than you? You must know her personality a bit by now?
I think the only thing you can do is hold off sometimes and allow her to contact you and she will if she's that into you.

It's not childish to worry, it's only natural to worry when we develop feelings and hope it's reciprocated.

She is definitely quite reserved and I think shy, but actually she's not very shy around me so I don't know that for certain. At the start she'd send an opener and then unsend it before I had a chance to reply, so I think there is a confidence thing.

I try to hold off one or two times a week. What's really sweet (and this is why I'm convincing myself this does not matter) is sometimes the conversation dies and she'll come back later with an "in".

At some point in the evening the conversation just stops - when she does try to sign off its akward so I'm guessing she just doesn't find that easy. That has taken some getting used to!!

Shameless bump, as I would love to hear other perspectives on this

Based on your previous thread (assuming this is the same person you're talking about) it sounds like communication just isn't flowing naturally between you. That's already stressed you out quite a few times and made you question everything. It might be due to covid restrictions and you would find things easier / be able to judge chemistry in person if that wasn't the case. But it unfortunately is for now at least, so you need to decide if this stress this early on is worth it!

Conversation does flow pretty well once started (and she did suggest a video call btw so we did that over the weekend).

It's just that, and I think there's always one that experiences this at this stage, I think I drive things more than she does. Wondering if this really matters in the grand scheme of things. Pretty sure she'd have no trouble telling me if she wasn't interested.

And what happens when you leave her to make contact? Does she? And how long does it take?
I’ve been known to do this and I think it’s a way to tell that someone still likes me and is interested in talking to me. It is a type of game playing (which I hope to grow out of!) as ideally, we should just go with our true feelings, particularly if the other person is making a daily effort.

She gets in touch 😊. I think her job is stressful so this is much more likely at the weekend.

The more I think about this, the more I see that some perhaps shyness or nervousness from her, plus covid, is inevitably making the situation hard to read.

People's styles are sometimes just quite different . I would actually say to her " let me know if I am texting too much " or similar ...I did this early on with my now H.

Maybe she isnt much into texting.
I hate having convos by text but I'll go along with it if a guy I like texts me because I dont want him to think I'm dull or disinterested.

I just prefer to talk in person.

Really texting is just am awful way for communication. So much room for misunderstanding.

You aren’t being childish you’re just a bit anxious and sensitive that’s all. Which is a nice trait!!! I used to be the same it became a bit of an obsession try and see it as your mind miss firing and try not to think too much about what she thinks.. the reality is she won’t be thinking and analysing who texts first just go for it.. if you text first every time who cares.. it’s the content and connection that counts after all! Xxx

Thank you, that's so reassuring

I said to a friend last night "I'm certainly learning a lot about myself here, and however this turns out I'll gain more resilience, which I definitely need!"

We have a rule. My DP texts in the morning. I use messenger later in day. How much do you see of each other? Not sure if you are in extended household etc