Separated 3 weeks and he is already dating

[Tinseltangle]

Struggling to come to terms with the end of my marriage 3 weeks ago, we have managed to keep things amicable as we are under the same roof due to having to untangle some complicated financial matters. Until this happens neither of us can afford to leave. We seemed to be on an even keel and I am trying to keep it that way but I am absolutely shattered that he can move on so quickly. I want to ask him if he is seeing someone, but its none of my business anymore. The signs are there, getting dressed up stinking of aftershave, being secretive as to where he is going. I cant sleep, I cant eat. Can anyone tell me that things really do get better. I feel absolutely desperate and alone.

You know...no-one is likely to be meeting anyone new right now are they?

Assuming you're in the UK?

Either way I would assume this person was already on the scene before you separated I'm afraid.

True, it is your business if he is mixing.

Sorry, we are not in the UK, no covid here so life is going on as normal pretty much.

Sorry your going through this how awful,things do get better but you have to take it 1 day at a time,who ended the marriage?If you don't mind me asking,it does seem extremely quick to be with someone else(my ex was with someone within 4 days)I don't think men have the same feelings as us women

Things won’t get better until you stop living together.
He sounds like he’s rubbing your nose in it, you have every right to be upset. I wouldn’t let him see you are though.
Do you have friends you could go out with it? Take your mind off things?

He ended it, mainly blaming me, which he has now somewhat retracted. But my spidey senses were tingling for a few months, i knew something was wrong, but he wouldnt talk to me. He was secretive with his phone, but never went anywhere other than work, so I am assuming that is where he met her. The thought of another man makes me feel physically sick. He admits he puts his head in the sand and I have been trying to get him help for his PTSD, but he kept refusing and even now he is putting it off, I guess its easier to throw yourself into an exciting new relationship than to deal with your mental health. He has been miserable and angry for a year, not himself at all, and he thinks by getting rid of me everything will come good again.

But why worry about him? Honestly move on and look after yourself. He seems like he's using you and doesn't respect you because you'll always look out for him. If he sees you moving on it will give him a taste of his own medicine. You seem really nice and caring. Look after yourself and put yourself first. Become so busy that you don't know what he's doing. You'll do yourself a favour.

Wow he is just dating somebody else under your roof. Can you get him out?

I know I need to disengage, but we share bank accounts so I can see what he is doing and vice versa. Its the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with in my life. I am trying to go out and do stuff with friends but nothing helps at the moment. I am taking legal advice today and I am worried about that as I dont know where I stand yet. I am starting a yoga class tomorrow, but I dont want any of it, I just want my life back but I know it has gone forever.

He was already seeing other women, obviously

Detach yourself. The first step is to live separately ASAP

He sounds a bit like my ex. Blaming you when all the time he was shagging someone else. Then once we'd split but he was still under my roof, absolutely rubbing my face in it. Prick.

Once you get out of the fog you'll be glad he's an ex. Decent men would never act this way and there are plenty of them out there.

Good luck

Get your own bank account asap. Theres nothing to stop him draining the joint one and leaving you potless. Dont think he wont do it.

Open your own bank account ASAP and get your salary paid into there, that would be my number 1 priority. Preferably close the joint one and split the bills between you as you don't want him racking up an overdraft partly in your name or anything like that.

What's space like within the house, can you time your day to avoid him so you don't find yourself asking where he's going, seeing whether he's dressed up etc.

The yoga class sounds a great idea, you might be stuck in this situation a bit longer until all of the ends are tied up so it'll be nice to have something new going on to remind you that you're starting afresh, without a man who hasn't behaved well towards you. In time you'll realise this is for the best

He’s been seeing someone for a while I reckon. Sorry x

Argh anyone living under the same roof with their very recent ex and dating others sounds like a prick to me. What a horrible and thoughtless way to treat a prior relationship. Sorry OP. I mean he's obviously done but he didn't need to be quite so horrible about it.

Well, he's been having it his own way hasn't he.

You know the score, can you find out who he's seeing, blaming you for the end of the marriage, a prince amongst men.

Get all financial details in order.
I'm sorry, he really sounds a cruel, heartless, unkind man.

Focus on yourself op. Look for things that you like doing and dive in. Pay him no mind at all. And don’t do them expecting any reaction from him, that will only hurt you more.

Had my legal advice and feeling a bit more positive about things. Got a hot date with Bridgerton and a bit of a plan how to move forwards so its a start.

Good, glad you feel better. In time, bit by bit by bit from now on, making decisions that suit you, you will eventually feel glad he took himself out of the marriage like this.

Also, it is too soon to see it yet, but when somebody spells out so loudly who they really are, it speeeds up that process of digesting the unpalatable. When he is so cruel as to stand in front of the mirror in his sunday best splashing on eau de cologne before disappearing for hours, it stops you operatingvin any kind of denial. A bit of denial would be cosier perhaps but it's time wasted. Xx 🍷

This is a very naive post. Of course people are still meeting up. Dating sites haven't closed down, and a lot of people aren't following the rules.

.......and OP isn’t in the UK anyway

How are you op x

I am moving out in a few weeks as I can't live with him anymore. It's amicable enough but I feel like I have lost everything. I am attending counselling which helps, but the numbness has worn off and I am very emotional and teary. He is happy I am leaving which just compounds the sadness in me. I know I have to keep going but I just don't want to.

Really feel for you. How long have you been married? Have you got family and friends and real life support?